xxxI really did not want to have a straight-forward title for this topic because I wanted it to have to be understood by reading what I had to say. I would have real trouble asking someone I knew IRL because people IRL... I can't say suck but everyone knows everyone in my town. So let me actually get to the issue I need help with: x xxxI am a compulsive liar. It is really awful and I have been doing this for years, but for the past two years I have been keeping it in check. Lately, the lies have been small and not been drastically changing, I haven't lied about any events that have gone on within the past 8 months on the internet. xxxI am going to explain how bad it was about 2 years ago though. I had an honest to god enjoyment of making up tragic events in my life for sympathy from people, in real life and on the computer. There was one story I can remember making up in 5th grade, where I told people one of my aunts died in a car crash the night before while on the phone with my father. The sad thing is that I know exactly why I would make up these lies and it sickens me. xxThese lies have build up, some people forget them and never ask again, others ask about them from time to time. If they asked recently, I have told them it was a lie. But if they asked me about it 2 years or so ago, I probably expanded and made it worse. xxThe issue right now is that the friends I made in my freshman year of high school know the real me better than my best friend I have known since I was in kindergarten. xxI want to start restarting things with people, and the first person I want to start with is my best friend. She currently lives in a different town and we rarely ever see each other anymore. A lot of my friendship with her is based on a horrid lie by me that I have stretched out for years. I want to tell her the truth, I want to come clean with absolutely everything but... I am afraid. xxMost people say that is someone is a true friend they will forgive you no matter what but the lies I have told her are the foundation of our friendship. She has grown to be a strong and wonderful person and when I hear her mention the lie every now and again it hurts. I am worried that if I tell her the truth, all of the things that glued this friendship together are going to fall apart. xxI want to know if there is a good way to go about this and tell her. The emotional connection we have is just... we might as well call ourselves sisters.... I don't want to lose her... but I am worried that the lies were just so bad I have no chance... xxxxxThank you in advance for the help.
Seriously thought someone would have responded to this by now. Anyways. Real friendship doesn't automatically mean someone will forgive you no matter what. There are some things out there that are unforgivable. That being said, it doesn't mean what you did was unforgivable. I don't know how big this lie of yours is and how much it really affects you and your friend but it seems that it's become pretty involved and that it hurts you whenever it's brought up. In the end, it doesn't really matter if your friend forgives you for it or not. It's about being honest. If you really feel that she's that good of a friend to you, just get it over with and tell her the truth. If she forgives you(immediately or with time) then that's great. If she never does, then at least you'd clear your conscience. The only way to go about it is just by being up front with it and not beating around the bush. Just rip it off like a band-aid. I don't really need to tell you what you need to say. It already looks like you're going to tell her so just do it as soon as possible.
I have to agree, I know it's hard to do it but I know someone who told me something rather big and quite important, it's also the foundation of our relationship but if it was a lie then I would want to know because then the friendship is a lie. He's a great guy and what he has told me has changed my perspective of the world and if it turned out to be false then I wouldn't be that mad, I'd forgive him eventually but I'd rather know so I can return my views to their rightful place. I don't know what this lie is but I'm sure it'll work out, if not though then don't worry, like Aiden said, at least your conscience is clear. Also, I may not be a liar but I am someone who is constantly psychologically analysing myself and questioning why I do the things I do. I know why I do certain things and that reasoning sickens me as well, I look at myself and think "how could you be so selfish, you are a horrible person!" when in truth, you aren't. It's your own psychology, your mind that is kicking you. We do the things we do for a reason, if it's a bad reason then it's good to control it when possible but sometimes it's better to ignore that feeling and get on with life. I know you didn't ask about that but I thought I could relate to your situation :3
In my honest opinion ... Or what I would do ... Is tell her everything. She is your best friend right? But that is just me. Where you are coming from is completely different considering that you guys have the friendship formed off of lies? Please correct me if I am wrong, but that is what I had picked up from reading that. I don't honestly think we would be the same person here in this situation, considering as to how everyone acts differently on different things, but here are my thoughts and what I would do. You say the people you have been friends with in the beginning of high-school know you better than that of your friend from kindergarten. I would honestly tell your friend that you were undergoing some sort of "phase" ... Now, if it would be a lie, then don't use it. I know a lot of people who have went through the "let's make up tragic events for sympathy" phase and they had got through it. If she understands, then she understands. You can always build up the relationship to your standards. However, there is a problem. And I am not going to sugar coat it. She may react differently to the truth. She could go off and think that the friendship was always based off of a lie and might not want anything to do with you anymore. On the other hand, she might understand, but the trust might be gone. You can try to get the trust back by starting off new. It may take a while to be as close as you were before, but you always have your high school friends to lean back on, since they do know you better than she does. I know this might not work out as planned, but if it is something you want to get off of your chest and to start new, the best thing to do would be to tell the truth. Don't make her go another day into believing that these things have actually happened, because when you do decide to come clean, it might be too late. Always take an opportunity when you have the chance. Especially if she has been friends with you this long, chances are she might understand. So basically, if you want to come clean to her, might as well start now.
Maybe you'll turn it all around cause it's not too late It's never too late to change. the lying is horrible but i think you already know that if you really are trying to change it will happen but it takes time and it isnt easy. im no expert on the subject but just keep your head up and be honest. good luck pal ;)
I really wish I knew what this lie is that, you say, keeps the friendship taped together. We might help you better with the knowledge of it, you know? Having full knowledge of the situation. I hope I won't get beat up over this, but I'd say to just keep being friends as is. Why ruin something good? If both of you are happy, then I guess it wouldn't hurt. But I see you're starting to regret, so maybe it does a little. (This is what I've chosen without knowledge of what you told her) Second, I think you should tell her. If you two are as close as you say, then I think it might be fine. Sure it may take her aback a bit, but in time I think she'll forgive you. Surely you've had good times with this friend, so Im sure he/she would see that you are a good person. Being a liar doesn't really make you a bad person. My best friend is a bit of a compulsive liar, to be honest. But every time he lies I just shrug it off because I know, well, I know he's a good guy. There has been some lies that haaaave made me feel mad towards him. But Im still with him. The choice is yours toots. ffffffuuuuudgeeeee I got the month of this thread wrong. I still think my advice is good.
