Does Marriage ruin a relationship?

Discussion in 'Debate Corner' started by RikusLight, Oct 1, 2010.

  1. RikusLight Merlin's Housekeeper

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    One of my guys friends and I have discussed this before. He went through a bad marriage and now he is convinced that marriage ruins a relationship. I think that it's the people that make a marriage work or fail. I've never been married, but I don't think it changes much. What does everyone think? Do things change that much once you get married. I don't understand how it would make such a difference.
     
  2. Arch Mana Knight

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    When some people get married, they live with each other for the first time. It's very easy to get along when you're dating someone only to have the situation change completely when you see each other everyday and deal with how you each live. One may have some annoying habits that they never mention and these show up when two people are living with each other. There's plenty of reasons. Others just don't like commitment and some might underestimate what marriage means.
     
  3. Scarred Nobody Where is the justice?

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ783q6Auqk

    Probably not the best exampe to go by, but it is the most human one I could find. It also doesn't help that I was born by two parents who probably shouldn't've been married in the first place. Many marriages start at a young age and they have only lived with their parents/by-themselves. Statistically speaking, they are also together because th guy knocked up the girl. They live in a new enviornment with newly found freedom and they let all thier inhibitions let out. Sometimes, they can turn into the partner's pet peves. If something is brought up/resolved, it can turn into an ugly mess. It's never like when they were dating because it felt magical. It also has to do with the fact that if it's just not meant to be, someone could just leave. Which is actually something I find repulsive. Saying "Oh well, we tried" is total BS! How about you actually try.

    Sorry, got a little off track there.
     
  4. KeybladeSpirit [ENvTuber] [pngTuber]

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    Speaking in terms of legal marriage, yes, it can ruin relationships. However, in sacramental definition of marriage, if it ruins the relationship, the people were never married outside of a legal contract.

    /twocents
     
  5. Rena88 Twilight Town Denizen

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    I don't think marriage itself ruins relationships. I think it brings to light aspects of life that the couple overlooked/ignored when they simply dated or what not. People have to be open and honest to each other BEFORE marriage if they ever hope to spend their lives together. It is a big commitment and if you don't prepare for it beforehand, that's when it could get rocky.
     
  6. RikusLight Merlin's Housekeeper

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    Yeah, I can understand that people might have habits that others find annoying, but that shouldn't ruin a marriage. Everyone is going to do something to annoy or piss of their spouse, but that's when they need to work together and not let it get them down. If they do they were just not meant for each other. I also agree that some people don't take marriage seriously and don't know exactly what it means. No matter what though it all leads back to the people.
     
  7. Jayn

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    If he was in a bad marriage, doesn't that kind of make him a bit bias?
    Besides that, I don't believe that marriage ruins a relationship. In some cases, it might, but in the majority of scenarios I don't believe that marriage is the reason for the relationship going down hill--whether the actual reason happens to be overall incompatibility, fear of commitment, lack of true knowledge about the opposite spouse or just plain fate. I wouldn't see how marriage would be the cause.

    Regarding something earlier stated, if a couple had problems with the habits that one may have, then maybe that logic goes along with the lack of knowledge. I'm the type who believes that you should know your partner intimately enough at the point of marriage to already be aware of these habits, or aware of the things that might be a threat to the relationship.

    All in all, no, I don't think marriage ruins a relationship. It's a long journey, and the two should be willing to compromise and work through the kinks together by the point of marriage, I believe.

     
  8. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

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    A succesful marriage, and people who live together, do need a few crucial elements:
    Understanding.
    Space.
    Commitment/Support.
    Optimism.

    Understanding is the most crucial skill. To have a succesful, deep relationship with anyone you need to be able understand who and what they are. Whether they are happy-go-lucky, depressed, nervous, etc, you need to identify and understand them. People are more open and happy with someone if they understand them and accept them for the flawed being they are. To still love thie imperfections keeps people close together.
    You need to give your partner space when their in thought, or need perosnal time. If you value your own personal time and space, you should be able to understand how important it is. As much as we are sociable creatures, we also want alone time.
    For a marriage, you need to commit yourself to you household and th epeople in it. When you treasure and support the thoughts and dreams of your love, they will respond in kind and confide in you. A happy household is a supported household.
    Maybe not as crucial, but if you have optimism, relationships can be much smoother. If you keep a positive outlook even through the hard times you can become more commited and level-headed if a relationship ever starts to breakdown. If you and you partner both look on the better side of things, you can support each and reciprocate the same.

    I'm no expert, and these are just guidlines, but these are the type of things that you need to bring to a relationship I believe. Marriages don't work because of several different reasons. If you truely love your spouse you'll attempt anything to make the relationship work, and usuually succed.