Your party has met a busty mute item vendor

Off we to protect her trading caravan whilst you both travel on the roads to the next hub city/town.
Tell her you don't want payment, you wish only for a bed.

Preferably hers.


With her as the sheets.

 

And I'm the immature one >_>

 

You fail your grope check and she smacks you, really hard, you take 4 damage, you are now at 9 hit points.

See above.

 

Those last two lines of mine were not meant to be said. They were thoughts, totally different. Unless she is a mind reader, but you haven't given her stats yet.

 

You wonder why you got smacked and someone else in your party points out that you should seriously get that thinking aloud problem fixed.

 

You ask her what her most expensive item is and how much it costs

 

Okay, she's in the party. A slap that hard will be useful.

 

Item:Potion of Lichdom
Use: Drink
Effect: Makes drinker a Lich
Price: A gazillion gold pieces

 

What's her cheapest item?

 

Item: Bacon Slice
Use: None
Effect: Gain 1 Bacon to inventory
Price: 1 copper piece


Sfor-chan: I apologize profusely but I cannot stop laughing.

 

This is a keeper. I can become a magical girl with this*shot*

What are her stats?

 

You check how much money you have

 

You don't have the skill Scan.

10000 copper pieces which is 100 silver pieces which is 1 gold piece

 

Offer sex to pay fo- actually ignore that madam...
Use your silver to buy 50 bacon slices.
Use the rest as payment to apologies for apologising trying to sleep with a beautiful woman.

 

You are now slightly more encumbered. Your move, dodge and block went down by one.

 

Check your current equipment and check her equipment as well if you know what I me-you can ignore that last part. Another slap will probably bring me to critical HP.

 

Wtf am I attacking or dodging? It's an effing shopkeeper, I very much doubt we're actually going to fight. You, my dear GM, need to push your players forward.

PS: I REALLY want to RP now...

 

You didn't describe how she looks like. Or why she was friendly in the first place. How can she be nice anyway? Did she smile? What's her story? Does she have a name? Is she even human?

 

Your taking a Spam Zone thread way too seriously, my friend.