Yo kingdom hearts kids

Kidding! Mwahaha!

 

So, I was three hours late for a dog-sitting appointment last week, when the dates had been changed to two days earlier than the original agreement, and I forgot to mark the changes on my calender. Then I walked to the house (about a half-mile away) just to turn around and go back, to get the keys, which I'd forgotten. When I finally got tin the house, I texted the owner, but I didn't realize at the time that I entered the wrong number. Since I was late to the dog-sitting, I was late to song practice. Then on Sunday, the dog chewed up a packet of pencils, a set of headphones, and a digital picture frame while I was at church. As some of you might know, on Monday my prized Darth Vader Goblet that was a Christmas present from a good friend got broken, and then on Wednesday, right before I went to bed, the dog had a freaking stroke. The owners parents came by today to take the dog to the vet, they don't think she'll make it through. And my job's done two days early.

And those are just the highlights of my bad week.

How do I relax now that I've got some vacay?

 

Doctor, I need an expert opinion.

Am I forever cursed to be the best third wheel in existence? My relationship advice is top-notch, I've kept many an errant couple together, and I am a master of the hallowed art of the "movie romance hook-up" - yet I can NEVER seem to find a girl/boyfriend of my own! At least 70% of my crushes turn out to be lesbians (even if they're fictional characters), the rest are already taken, and in the rare cases where the planets align and potential for mutual interest blooms, I somehow manage to cockblock myself - usually by arranging one of the aforementioned hook-ups between the object of my affections and an equally smitten friend.

Give it to me straight, Doc. Is there a cure? Is my "always a bridesmaid"-esque fate written in stone? Am I merely sabotaging myself with my own low self-esteem and backhanded righteousness?? ...Nah, couldn't be. Is there any hope for a soul starved for love!? I GOTTA KNOW, DOC. I JUST GOTTA KNOW.

 

Shit's gettin' deep and personal up in this thread.​

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I, like Craig, am only here on court order, so . . . I'm gonna need you to sign my papers otherwise I will be forced to castrate you and then be sent to other doctors who I will also castrate, and I'm really, really sure that you don't want that on your conscious, Doctor Forklift sir.​

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(◡‿◡✿)​

 

*eats broccoli raw* nomnomnomnom

Thank you, now I can kill ALL MY ENEMIES! MWHAHAHAHA