Why 'Hookups?'

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by Mike, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. Mike Chaser

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    I don't understand why people, especially around our age are only looking for hookups. This is a problem for anyone who's straight, gay or bi.

    I made a video that mocks hookups. What do you think?

    I swear the content isn't crazy.

     
  2. Hanzo Chaser

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    Really, Mike? Pink underwear?

    Just kidding. Contrary to popular believe, pink is not a girl color.
     
  3. Plums Wakanda Forever

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    I disagree! I don't think hookups are a bad thing at all. (To give reference to this, I'm somewhere on the asexual/aromantic end of things, so I technically don't have a foot in this race in any way :b). I think it depends on what you're looking for mostly. A good number of people want to have relationships that aren't solely based around sex and have that long term emotional bond to it that you mentioned. But there are also people and also times where the people who do want relationships may just want to have a non-committed, physical romp with someone.

    Maybe you want to try out sex to see if it's something you like, but aren't in a place for a relationship. Maybe you've just amicably broken up with your partner and you decide "yo we don't work together on an emotional level but physically? ha-cha-cha." Or maybe you just like having sex and don't want any strings attached! There's a bunch of valid reasons people have for pursuing hookups/friend with benefits, and I really think it depends on that person's unique circumstances and what they want to pursue that makes them happy. It's completely fine for someone to never want to have a hookup or know in their gut that's not something for them, but it's equally fine for someone who knows this is for them to go for it and feel like it's a good thing.

    And the thing about hookups, or well, hookups with consistent partner(s), is that it encourages you to do a lot of talking with the other person! Asking how they're feeling about it, making sure things between you & partner(s) are okay based on the terms you agreed on for doing this. I can't deny there aren't some really bad sides to hookups, but doing it with someone you trust and someone you can talk to helps it to become a positive experience for everyone involved.
     
  4. Beau Hollow Bastion Committee

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    honestly hooking up with ppl is just kinda fun for me at least

    like i enjoy the sexual experiences without any serious attachment or committment
     
  5. Hayabusa Venomous

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    I don't think there's any objective right or wrong to hook-ups. I think it totally just depends on the people who engage in them, and they should only ever do this stuff consensually (then again anything without consent is just rape anyway) and if it's safe.
     
  6. 61 No. B

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    i don't like the idea of them but i'm an extremely emotional person who craves deeply personal interactions so
     
  7. Hanzo Chaser

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    Provided it's done safely, of course (for anyone). :)
     
  8. Misty gimme kiss

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    I have to echo the sentiment in @Plums 's post (and the ones that followed it), that there's nothing objectively wrong with just hooking up. Really it's unsurprising and I'd argue, to an extent, healthy, especially for people in the age range of this forum (late teens and early to mid 20's). The median age for first marriages in the US was 28.7, as of 2011. Assuming that most date for a few years before tying the knot, that means most meet (or at least, begin dating) their future spouse in their mid 20's. These stats of course are not all-encompassing, as same-sex marriage only recently became legal in the US and thus the 28 median excludes a sizable piece of the population. In addition, marriage rates are declining significantly, especially among millennials. Whether that means we're all just having random hookups or some are simply in long-term relationships without getting married I don't know (as with most things, it's probably a balance between the two extremes). My overall point is that, statistically, in our age bracket, it's unlikely we're at a point where we're seriously thinking about marriage or long-term relationships. Maybe we don't want either or we just haven't met the right person yet; if the latter, the only real way to try to find that person (if you believe they exist at all) is to date around.

    Apps like Tinder or Grindr are geared towards young adults looking for hookups by nature. That's the basis they were formed on and what you'll find on there. It's functional, as well, as I'm fairly certain their operation is simply "do you find this person physically attractive," not "do you think they have a sparkling personality." I'd argue that more formal / traditional dating sites (I'm not really up on what's out there) are more likely to have people looking for long-term relationships. I'm pretty sure most dating profiles have a field where you can fill in whether you're looking for something casual or more serious.

    To that end, it's really all about compatibility. We talk about compatibility often in terms of how your interests and personalities mesh, but we also have to consider compatibility in expectations. Some people are merely looking for low commitment fun and that's okay; others want something more. I'd equate it to, like, being on a date and discovering one person loves soccer and the other can't stand it. Neither person is wrong for what they like or don't like, but they maybe shouldn't be together (just to keep the metaphor going; you can have a happy relationship even if you don't have the same interests -- commitment expectations are far more integral than that). And if anything, I'm pleased our society is progressing to allow and accept relationships and sexual activity of all shapes and forms. The traditional, monogamous structure just doesn't fit a lot of people.

    The best way to deal with it is communication. If you do use dating sites, seek out the ones geared towards people looking for relationships as opposed to hookups, or ones that let you filter your results on that basis. Tinder is not an example of that. And if you're interested in a person or seeing someone, it's a conversation you should have at some point. If you find that they're just looking for something casual and you're not, that's a bummer, but all you can do is move along and find someone in the same headspace as you. (I'd emphasize not remaining in a relationship hoping the other person will turn around and suddenly want a long-term monogamous thing with you.) Around a week after my boyfriend and I first kissed I came right out and asked if it was just a "I'm bored and I like you and I want to have some fun" thing for him or if he considered us in a (serious, exclusive) relationship. I'm not sure if that's early or late by most people's standards and it was hella scary to do that, but it's a question every relationship needs to grapple with eventually. I know I'm extremely monogamous and that I don't have any intention of spending time with people I don't see a future with and that's something I need to communicate, or else I (and whoever I'm involved with) might get hurt.

    Be upfront with your intentions, willing to accept when you're not compatible with someone, and keep moving until you find what's right for you.