I was seconds from making this a Help with Life topic but I decided to make it an open discourse instead, 'cause I'm kinda curious what everyone thinks. Also I couldn't figure out a really solid, succinct name for it, so lemme elaborate: In a relationship, is it important to you that you and your partner... exchange small talk now and then? keep abreast of each other's daily lives? share and/or discuss interests and hobbies? have core life events in common that you can talk about together? share secrets and let down emotional walls for each other? Basically, what do you talk about with your lover when you're not staring deep into their eyes, writing love sonnets, dancing your fingers daintily across their thighs, or whatever else you do to express your infatuation? Do you feel a relationship is shallow in absence of these more mundane activities? Do you think two people in love need only be in love, and that the rest will come naturally if at all?
Hm... exchange small talk now and then? Yes. What's the point in being in a relationship if you can't bring up random crap that comes to mind(like how much Country music sucks)? Or mention how the weather's been terrible lately? keep abreast of each other's daily lives? Pretty much the same reason as above. If you're in a relationship with someone that isn't purely physical then you better give a damn about their day. Doesn't mean you have to ask if their sandwich at lunch had too much meat in it or not(unless you want that sandwich). share and/or discuss interests and hobbies? Doesn't seem like two people need to share many hobbies or interests to "click" but both people should at least be okay with listening to the other's stories of said interests or hobbies. I'm a musician, gamer, and I'm really freaking good at anything involving math. But that doesn't mean I need to date someone that has any of those qualities. have core life events in common that you can talk about together? Um...not really? You can talk about things you don't have in common with someone. Unless it's too traumatic to bring up. EDIT: Forgot to add this but the little, mundane, things are important in a relationship. At least for me. Mundane has it's own charm.
I'd say yes to all of these. Only if you get to that point, of course. Can't do this too soon, considering that this person can easily take advantage of your secrets and insecurities and turn it against you. But, of course, after you feel as though you can trust this person, it's totally fine to do that. Not necessarily, but it does help. Literally anything. I'd like to think so. Yes, actually. If you're in love with someone, you're thinking about them more often than not, so you want to have conversations with them all the time and share whatever trivia or useless thought that comes to mind, with them.
Yes. If you can't be friends to each other then you have a problem. Not necessarily. Friends don't keep abreast of each other's daily lives. Daily lives are tedious and boring. One can also wear out their welcome. Yes. Not being able to enjoy the other's pastimes will lead to emotional distance and feelings of abandonment. Yes. Empathy is key to solving problems as a team. Some kind of common struggle is required. Yes and No. The more you let your walls down, the more you can help each other grow as people. Making this easy can be a problem, but holding out forever is detrimental. You talk about the thing you want. You plan out how to do them. You do them together. You overcome obstacles as a team. Develop reciprocity. Engage in showing the other new experiences. Teach each other about how to be you.
1. Yes. Even if you or the other person is reserved and shy, nothing keeps a relationship closer than good talking. 2. It depends on who the person is. If they're rather obsessive on what you do, then to an extent, yes, but not necessary if they don't ask explicitly 3. Yes. Knowing what each of you like/dislike will go a long way 4. Yes. Same as situation one. Keep talking and finding those key points you and the other can relate to. Makes talking much easier and far less awkward on your side. 5. Varies. Sharing secrets is under your discretion. But for emotional walls, try your best to be straightforward. They're there to help you out if such issues arrive in your life. In a relationship, unless you're one of those people who get together and ditch them for someone else in a week or so, take it rather seriously. Be as close as possible with your bonds. But don't forget if what your partner does to you or asks you something that goes rather too far out of your comfort zone, tell them.
1. Most definitely, its always nice to have someone there that you can spout random stuff that comes to mind to. An example; I might find something interesting about a show or game I'm playing I'll message my partner about it. Or if I'm getting excited about a game or a character etc. 2. Not necessarily? Like I'm not gonna wanna know when he went to the toilet (das just gross yo) but I am interested in how his day has gone and vice versa tbh. 3. Definitely yes. If we've got something in common, that's something to talk about! If its a game my partner and I have a mutual obsession with we'll talk about things we like about it or how we go about overcoming obstacles and stuff. Even if its a topic neither of us may have an interest in (my partner looks up political issues and whatnot sometimes) we're always willing to listen to what the other has to say since it could be interesting. 4. Not... really? Not that you really need someone who's been through what you have to understand or listen. 5. Could vary. As for me I tend to be a very stressed and/or anxious individual about anything and everything, and I've had some things happen to me that I've never been able to tell anyone until I met my partner. I think it boils down how long you've been with your partner and how much you trust them. It honestly feels like it comes naturally really, expressing your infatuation or affection to your partner. It could range from an "I love you" to a peck on the cheek or even a quick hug. I like little things like that. If you wanna show affection to them like that then go for it, but it can really vary from person to person, heck some people are just happy to be in the same room as their partner/lover and that's all they really feel like they need to do to show their love.
It really depends on the kind of people you and your partner are, everyone is unique. What I would advise rather then asking us for our doubtless rich and vaired responses (sorry everyone else, I didn't take the time to read your thoughts on the matter as I wanted to get this down before anyone elses views clouded my judgement) is to speak to your partner about it, just sit them down and ask in a calm and civil maner what it is they would want out of a relationship, I am a relatively solitary person, I don't go out much (due to financial difficulties and health problems) and as such the past relationships I have had I like to take time to utilize my hobbies by myself. For instance, while I was growing up my older brother had the room next to mine and he would go out very regularly, and he would rarely bother me... as such I grew accustomed to having a lot of me time to play the games I was interested in, or reading one of the many books I owned, as such now I am in my 30's I find I dislike spending as much time with people as I live a quiet life with few disturbences and it is reflected in my previous relationships. At the end of the day trying to typecast people I don't know as it is impossible to know what their real life persona is, as such I would rather give the advise of asking you partner who knows their wants and needs infinitely better then people on the internet.
Exchange small talk now and then? There's no point in being together if you can't share whatever little moments between each other \: Keep abreast of each other's daily lives? Ideally, you'd like to know about the significant portions, but not necessarily everything until you've established your bases and have established that solid foundation on which your relationship is based. Otherwise letting down your walls and revealing your dirty little secrets might work against you. Share and/or discuss interests and hobbies? I've realized that this is probably one of biggest deal breakers that I have with partners. To be fair, I've only had one long-term relationship that lasted 3 years and now looking back, my SO and I had nearly nothing in common except for the fact we nearly had the same schedule during high school so it seemed "natural" to get together. But I've noticed that my interests and hobbies are important aspects of my life that I'd love to share with my future partner hence why I stress that requirement. Have core life events in common that you can talk about together? Hm, core life events...Relating this to my current situation where I basically have 2 guys on my hands: 1 being 9 years older and the other within my generation, being only 2 years older. Despite the age difference between myself and the former, there's not much we can do about the age gap except forget about it which we have; it's more about the maturity level. So I guess, even despite being at different stages in our lives, it's not something that could potentially break the bond between individuals. If anything, you can learn from each other and gain some wisdom. Share secrets and let down emotional walls for each other? A definite yes. Nothing worse than having a stalemate who doesn't seem to budge on emotions or has an emotional detachment so significant that it might hinder the emotional aspect of a relationship. I've always told myself that there can't be a solid relationship unless you have a happy medium of both the physical and emotional aspects. And being an emotional person, I'd love to have someone who will be my wall, pick me up when I'm down, etc.
i think everything you stated in the OP is important, but you can't force or schedule these things. if you get worried that you and your SO haven't had a 'serious' talk in a few weeks, don't! you'll talk about that stuff when it's the right time to. the only time you should worry is if one of you feels distant. i've never had any communication issues with my SO because we both feel comfortable to talk about any and everything. most of the time we talk about video games because that's what we're both passionate about and it's what brings us together. we spend a lot of time playing games together. we talk about movies. we talk about shows we're watching. we talk about random **** we've seen on the internet. honestly, me and my SO are always "just talking"!
