Things that Vidya gaems have taught you

One of your enemies is not really an enemy, instead they turn out to be your friend.

 

Most of your enemies look similar or exactly alike despite being some diversity in the enemy as a whole itself.

 

That we have more than one heart.

That a feather can revive anything.

That through every special moment I have to do a cool pose.

That learning expertise can be gained in numbers

 

That at times, volley balls > bullets.

 

You never have to use the restroom.

 

That 99% of the time, the fact that your character's hair defies gravity and/or has an unnatural color will never be explained.

 

That hygiene does not exist. Usually.

 

You don't need to eat or drink.

 

If you happen to be able to eat or drink, spam it. You may get power ups.

 

Killing mass amounts of harmless animals will give you money.

 

Money comes out of bushes from time to time when you cut it with your sword/weapon of choice.

 

Break every rock you will ever see. There may be a slight chance that a near-worthless jewel is inside, somehow.

 

You don't learn to swim until the goddamn sequel.

 

Enemies will carry around items like potions, ethers, etc., but they never use them when you hit them.

People tend to leave stuff in chests randomly, and you seem to be the only one with the ability to open them.

A key that can open anything is apparently useless against locked doors.​

 

It's not that the designers forgot to add certain abilities to the sequel, they were just stolen from your character off screen. Deal with it.

 

If you eat while in combat you gain HP, which can save your life. Drinking can cure HP or MP or even both at the same time.

The only time you need to change clothes is to do something humilliating like cross-dress or disguise as the enemy.

If you disguise as the enemy, no one can tell its you until you trip up, despite having some obvious thing that sticks out to verify you are not in uniform with all those other soldiers. (sneakers, a tail, spiky hair sticking out)

You can invade people's homes and the most they will generally do is give you advice or tell you to get out of their house. Stealing money is also just fine and no one ever comes after you for it.

The Final Boss's final lackey will confront you and humiliate you, maybe even kick your ass with a couple sweet moves, while you are a wuss, but later on, you find out they were all talk and don't want to face your large glowing sword of power so you have to spend several minutes finding them.

The worst battles are always your choice to fight. You unlock them.

Leaving the main plot and doing side quests gets you some funky extra things and the people in peril will always be in the same position so you can rescue them even if you took several hours off gallivanting, leveling up and getting cool items, to get there.

 

Performance enhancing drugs help kill princess stealing dragons.

Guns are overrated.

Spanish people with glowing fists can do more damage to giant rocks than a god of darkness.

Dragons can breathe fire, ice, lightning, soundwaves, ghosts and more.

Summoning monsters isn't considered Satanic when used for war.

Sending a 10 year old to go around the world poaching wild animals to use in fights is natural.

When holding a gun make sure its at the bottom of your eyeline at full arms length so you can see the gun and your hand.

If you kill the hooker you get your money back.

Devils may cry.

14 year olds don't swear around ducks and dogs.

 

If the game says you can finally fly, it means you do it in a certain closed area, and you fly all the way through, no stopping.

Any thing you have to pick up usually involves healing yourself, or its just money.

Everyone looks badass with two weapons instead of one.

You are invulnerable after you smash the t.v.

You can take on a barrage of bullets, headon, and just duck behind a wall for a minute, and you'll be fine.

You can really be like Tony Hawk without a days experience.

 

YES. This is so true!

 

When your enemy loses it's colours, it loses it's powers.

There are mysterious objects that heal you and somehow store your visit.