The Genservant ChroniclesThe great warrior of fire, The lost wanderer of fate, Genservant has had many adventures, some new, some old, but they all need telling, from his part in the legendary war of the nobodies, to the simple defeat of a stray monster here or there, This is his story. Genservant's Beginning A long time ago, much longer than anyone could remember, an experiment was performed on what would happen to a person when their soul was split, there were eight subjects in all, seven women, and one man. After the procedure only one of the subjects stabilized, the seven others were scattered to millions of pieces, seven of those pieces manifested themselves in young children, all of them girls. But that is for another story. As for the man, he was split into three distinct people, one that manifested his bravery and honor, one that kept his ferocity in battle, and one that formed as a complete opposite in every physical way. Two of them were given names relating to who they had become, the first one kept the name of the original subject, then they were placed in stasis pods, where they have slept peaceful in darkness since their origins. Little did the scientists behind these experiments know that a cataclysmic event would rock the universe, as the door to a magical realm known only as Kingdom Hearts was opened. This caused the three to be shot forward in time, many years later Genservant opened his eyes, and looked out upon the nothingness that was his new home, and he waited, unsure of who he was, having only a name, and a sword. How could he have known what his destiny would bring him too? This is the beginning, before Genservant's great adventures, at this time he is a simple boy with power over fire, and a lost past to search through. Books usually start in the beginning, as does Genservant's story.
I thought you made a pretty decent start, I look forward to seeing where this goes. (: The only mistake I found was where you've written "too" instead of "to" at the end of the penultimate paragraph. Read through your work aloud and you'll notice that quite a few of your sentences need re-structuring. Sometimes your sentences drag on for too long or have too many commas in them. For example: would sound much better as: Keep it up :3
this is intruiging. i know that alot of people have been wondering at what would happen if you removed the soul instead of the heart. keep this up, and as juicy said, watch your sentences. i personally reccommend typing your story on a word processer then copy and pasting it here. it takes more work, but its worth it. other than that, this is wonderful. i cant wait to hear more about Genservant.
