Story time: With Luxord

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by ♥♦♣♠Luxord♥♦♣♠, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. ♥♦♣♠Luxord♥♦♣♠ Chaser

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2009
    1,773
    A while ago, I posted a thread about my grandmother not doing so well. Unsurprisingly enough, she is doing worse. However that is not the topic of this thread. What, or rather who I want to talk about right now is actually my uncle.

    Obviously I will keep him "anonymous" in this case as I don't want this to seem "witch hunty".

    Throughout my uncle's lifetime he has asked a lot from my grandparent's in terms of financial help. This has given him quite the easy life (in combination with the money he got from his careers and such). However these were not exactly what you would call "loans" as when it comes to my uncle, he doesn't really give things back. Of course, to an extent my grandparents are sort of to blame, because they could have easily said no and had the option to stop at any time.

    Unfortunately however, this has added up to well over 100,000 dollars worth of checks written, as well as a reverse mortgage done on my grandmother's house. Now as she is getting worse on a daily basis, she is living in a nursing home. 24 hour care is her new baseline. This is something that nobody in our family can provide for her. We are not a nursing home, or a skilled team who is qualified to take care of her. Not because we don't want to, it's just we are unable to give her the quality of care that she needs at this point. Sadly we found out that medicare is only willing to fully cover 20 days at the nursing home she is currently staying at. After that, days 21-100 will only be partially covered.

    This is where the trouble comes in. My family is by no means super wealthy (by "my family" I mean my mom, dad, sister, etc) which means that not only does my grandmother not have the money to pay for days 21-100, but my family does not either. The only people at this point in time who are capable of spending the money to take care of her is my uncle (who is currently quite wealthy, and will only get wealthier as he took out a fairly large life insurance policy on my grandmother as well) and myself. I am by no means rich, but I do have money saved for college/future stuff so when it comes down to it. I will most likely be paying for her care. I have no problem with this, I would do anything for my family.

    The reason I am posting this in the "help with life section" is because my uncle has put himself in such a position where he is living off of my grandmother's house until she dies (because we must sell it once she is gone, due to the reverse mortgage), using her car, not paying for anything she needs help with, and will ultimately make even more money off of her sickness/death. All the while he has admitted to sending a semi significant amount of money to his "girlfriend" in Florida on a monthly basis.


    Aside from beating his face into the next century (which I would love to do, but won't because I know that isn't right / I don't like jail). I have no idea what to do when it comes to my uncle.

    I help wherever I can, but in terms of paperwork and organizing everything, my mother has been doing most of that work, and at the rate her mental state has been declining due to stress I am also extremely worried about her.


    I know there is probably nothing that can be done in this situation, but if anyone has any ideas on how I could either stop my uncle from literally being the devil, or any suggestions at all, they are all welcome.



    I am an open book with this, so if any of you have any questions or if I wasn't clear, feel free to ask.

    I am all out of ideas khv, please help.
     
  2. Magick ~Meaner then my demons~

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The True North.
    390
    What is right or wrong is a moral code made up by you/society. And jail isn't so bad, they give you banana cream cake for dessert.

    Anyway, from a legal standpoint, it is up to your grandmother to cut him off. As far as I know, since your family doesn't have any ties to any of her things, (etc her house, her car, whatever he uses), you can't report him for stealing unless there is proof he is taking them without knowledge or consent. She could legally emancipate him, which would pretty much remove him from the family, or she could just cut him off and forbid him from using any more of her money. It sounds like your grandmother is being taken advantage of, (like she said he could use the car once, or stay at the house for a week), and he's abusing the trust. If this is the case, then I would recommend letting her know. She may be ill, but she has a right to understand the ramifications of her son's actions, and what it means for both herself and her other children.

    Ultimately it only within her ability to get him to stop the behavior. If she gave him permission to use her things and money, she is the only one who can get him to stop.
    UNLESS her mental cognitive faculties are not able to function on an adult level as a result of her illness. If this is the case, she can be appointed a guardian who can take care of her financial necessities. You have to be able to prove this though, with a licensed psychologist, and I'm not quite sure how much it would cost.

    I'm not a lawyer by any means, but there are some places that will give you legal advice for no charge. There's no harm in calling a lawyer's office to speak with them for legal advice pro bono. It would be exceptionally helpful if your grandmother had a lawyer with whom she is already familiar. You could also try contacting them.

    If none of that works, just make sure there are no witnesses when you hit him.