Your perception of "dirty" is clearly quite passive. I suggest telling John to bash SmarterChild repeatedly with a blunt object.
Me thinks your priceless...or if it makes it better, $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,999,000,000000,000,000,000.25