Role Play Idol [Season Two] Challenge #4

Discussion in 'RP Idol Archive' started by Jayn, Nov 25, 2011.

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  1. Jayn

    Sep 30, 2007


    FireKeyBlade and FuzzyBlue left us last round.

    Your new judges for Season Two will be the Tummer, Ego Imperium, Amaimon and ~Ryan~.

    For any of you concerned with biased or unfair judging, SOME of my rules and regulations for them specifically can be found in the spoiler tag. Any unfair treatment will result in the forced resignation of said judge, no exceptions. They've all agreed to the below.

    Being a judge in itself can sound pretty liberating. But it's really not all fun and games. I have quite a few things to let you guys know, but we'll keep it as simple as possible for now. Obviously, this group was made for a reason. To share information and discuss things together between ourselves. You four are the judges. Keep in mind this makes your opinions influence the other members, and also puts you in a position of responsibility.

    You are to be f a i r. When you judge others posts, it has nothing to do with who they are, or if you like them, their literacy, if you've seen them before, how often they role play, blah. I mean, when you really judge them, it's unbiased.

    You are to be h u m b l e. Being in any kind of position of power might boost your ego more so than it may already be boosted. Just make sure you realize we're all just members here. Respect each other. It is important not to discourage anyone, or make them feel like they're unimportant, unworthy, or anything negative. Please use caution and think before you hit 'submit'.

    You are to be l a w f u l. The next thing I'll cover are some basic guidelines. Rather, areas you'll actually be judging. [...CONT'D ELSEWHERE]

    The Challenge

    We're back to individual posts for now. For this challenge, Beyond Birthday has suggested we do a reaction challenge. This means that you will be reacting to something that has happened to your role play character. She also suggested this have something to do with a dream.

    So in this scenario, you have signed up for a role play that is kind of like inception. Lol. You have been recruited into an organization that allows you to be put to sleep and enter a dream-world. This world is immensely dangerous, with demon-like creatures roaming free and looking for trouble, winding roads leading into oblivion and all this other creepy dream stuff.

    In this world, you can bring items into existence. Meaning, if you want a sword in front of you, you can wield one. Or ice cream. Anything, 'tis only a dream. However, in this dream, you can die and die in reality. What you're reacting to is the fact that you've been recruited into this. You can engage in battle, if you'd like. Or simple try to go meet up with the others in this world (you won't actually interact with anyone, and you don't know who else is there).

    Before this, you were sort of ordinary. Anyway, this isn't an average day for you and it's your first time going. Use your imagination. Remember, this is still a 'role play' post. Not a mini story.

    Rules or restrictions for this Challenge.

    ♣ Remember that this is a competition. Try your best to impress me, and the judges. If you're not trying, it will be evident.

    ♣ Don't interact with the other members this time around.

    ♣ Posts count, so be relevant. Please don't spam questions in this thread about this challenge, contact me personally.

    ♣ You have until NOVEMBER 28TH, 2011 to post. Preferably before then, because we want as much time as possible for the judging process. <: If you do not make that deadline, you are disqualified.

    ♣ Be creative and have fun! It is a competition, but it's also about being creative, original and letting loose.

    ♣ Graphics are okay to use if you want them. But I'm not making them for anyone in this competition. If you use them, you're not scoring any extra points with the judges. I've made it clear that graphics does not equal superior.

    ♣ Post your posts in this thread, below my post.

    ♣ You may have powers or weapons.

    ♣ Once you submit, that's your post. You can edit spelling errors and such, but please don't add more on. Only because it would be unfair to post, compare to everyone else's post and edit more in based off of what other people post.

    ♣ If you edit your post, leave a reason why.

    Members who have yet to post...

    P - Faust [m] + KHV-tan [f]

    Britishism - Tobias [m] + Jen [f]

    Midnight Star - Iona [f] + Ryan [m]

    Ace - Chyeze [m] + Ruby [f]

    Maka - Nikki [f] + Corey [m]

    Happy role playing. :]
  2. Midnight Star Master of Physics

    Jun 7, 2009
    ‘This day just can’t get any stranger’, Ryan thought to himself, although truthfully, with the way it was going, it wouldn’t surprise him at all. He wiped his hair out of his eyes and looked around at this foreign landscape. It was a village in the middle of a desert, like the ones you got in old western movies. Yet there was something oddly disconcerting about it, something wasn’t right and worse still, he was pretty certain that he wasn’t alone.

    He span round as he caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye. It was gone before he saw it. And again. He moved but every time was too slow to see whatever it was. He breathed deeply, telling himself again that he could do this. He didn’t think those things were friendly and he needed a weapon. His eyes scanned the area around him though kept being distracted by more movement in his peripherals. “Weapon, weapon, weapon” He muttered, as he searched for anything at all that he could use. He was certain those things were getting closer.

    Then he saw it, a baseball bat, about a metre away where he was sure there wasn’t anything there before. “Okay then…” He began to edge towards it slowly at first then in one quick fluid motion he swept it up and looked round to see it charging towards him. In his panic he swung the baseball bat blindly in front of him and with more luck than anything else, hit the creature square in the forehead. It squealed and ran off in pain. Ryan looked at the bat, with a newfound confidence, and held it threateningly in front of him. Those people had made it seem a lot more glamorous than this.

    He began to wonder if there was any other life in this world, did people live here? What other secrets did this place hold? So carefully he began to move through the village, his bat held ready always. A smile appeared on his lips, this might actually be fun. Whatever this place held in store for him, he was ready and nothing was going to stop him now.

    Except maybe that. A gasp escaped from his lips as he stared at what lay before him.
  3. P Banned

    Oct 5, 2007
    New Zealand

    The sound of the heart monitor rang out through the small cell. The only other objects present was an old man lying on a bed, a thin cloth draped over his naked body, cables leading from him to the bizarre contraption making the noises. From a speaker in the corner of the room came a lady's voice.

    "Just hold still and relax."

    The old man, Faust, lay on his back on the steel frame and relaxed, ignoring the pain of the needles in his arms.

    "You'll feel a sinking sensation."

    The purple liquid oozed from the machine, through the needles, into his body. The voice grew distant, and Faust felt himself slowly descending, as though he were lying on quicksand.

    "In a moment, you will be asleep. Do not panic. Just relax, and..."

    The voice no longer reached him. He was too far down, too far enveloped in the folds of his own mind. Black tar bubbled beneath him, pulling him down into its domain. He tried to move his arm, but it held fast in a treacle-like grip. His entire body shivered as he felt the cold touch of the tar spread from his back around to his front. It completely covered his lower body, greedily pulling his legs down into its depths. He told his legs to give an experimental kick, but he no longer had any legs; they were entirely lost. Starting to worry, the tar reached up to his bare nipples, sending chills lacing through his entire chest. Panic started to set in as the tar touched the bottom of his chin, threatening to cover his face. Cold sweat hit, droplets all over his body. The tar changed from a liquid, forming tendrils. Tiny ones penetrated and worked their way in through the beads of sweat, forcing themselves into his body. Then larger ones formed. At once, the tar around his torso was a series of large, thick tentacles, all wrapping around him. The tentacles gripped, and tightened, wringing his body like a towel; his aged ribs cracked, and his organs crumpled. He let out a gasp of pain as air was forced out of the mess of flesh that used to be his lungs. Immediately, the tar fighting to get past his lips flowed in, and thickened, forming a tendril, pushing itself down his throat, gagging him, not allowing him to breath. With the awful tightening, and the inescapable tar, his concealed fears emerged. His skeleton, which had served him so faithfully over the years, was a mess of bone and tar. His organs were the breeding ground of worms, eating their way out of his crushed, mangled frame. Age had caught up with him at last, and he was powerless against it. He'd run from its grip for so long, but the inexorable hourglass had trapped him, burying him in its sands. He could feel the grains eating into his body, crushing him, pain flaring through his twisted corpse. Desperate, with a huge effort, he opened his eyes, and looked past his legs, reduced to chunks of meat, to stare his nemesis. A large, eldritch creature, the size of a mountain stared back at him with a single, unmoving eye against a background pitch-black with tentacles. All thoughts of escape were lost as he stared into that eye. It wordlessly spoke to him. It promised an eternity of oblivion, inviting him to escape, to give into death…

    In the room, there was silence. The old man did not stir; the machine did not sound. The silence held for ten, twenty, thirty agonising seconds, then…


    A twitch from the mess of bone, flesh and marrow, and then an arm burst forth. Another twitch, and there were two. Rallying against his oppressor, Faust struggled to free his torso from the writhing mass of tentacles, pushing himself up with his hands. Drawing his head back, he looked directly at the eye, assaulting it with his gaze. Summoning all his might, he spat, rejecting time, rejecting age, rejecting death. The glob of saliva grew smaller and smaller, completely outmatched by the behemoth of death. Infinitesimally small, it hit the pupil of the beast. The huge eye widened and trembled. From the centre, working to the purple iris, through the marble white of the eyeball, It all turned to the same monotonous grey, ageing before his very eyes. The petrification spread outwards, running through the tendrils, freezing them in place. Then the eye crumbled to dust, and fell. The tendrils gripping him followed suit, breaking apart and crumbling. Focusing his attentions on his body, he grimaced as his torso twisted itself back into shape and his legs reassembled themselves from stray chunks of flesh. Gasping, he stood up and flexed his fingers, feeling the blood flowing through them, assuring himself that he had won, that he was alive. Unable to contain himself, he threw back his head, and from the depths of his newly-formed belly, laughed.
  4. ♥♦♣♠∟uxord♥♦♣♠ Banned

    Jul 19, 2007
    Code Vault
    Chyeze opened his eyes but was blinded by unending light. Wherever he looked there was white, no shadows were cast anywhere to tell the dimensions of the room. He raised his hand in order to shield himself from this uncomfortable, silent void of color. "To wake from a dream into someplace I have never been to," he spoke only to add an echo to the emptiness.

    "Oh that was no dream," boomed a familiar voice. The echo continued for seconds and just as the echo ended a shadow appeared flying around the room. Chyeze tried to follow it with his eyes but lost it as it blurred past his line of sight.

    "Then is this a dream?" he asked.

    "Yup," responded the voice. Chyeze swore he heard that voice before.

    "And who are you?"

    "That's an easy one," answered the voice. As the sound of the words faded out a shadow faded in right in front of Chyeze. "I'm you." Chyeze just merely stared at his shadow in front of him. It was an exact replica of himself, clothes, hair, voice. Everything was perfect except that it was all physical features were different shades of black.

    "So..." said Chyeze to his shadow, "why am I having a dream with my shadow?"

    "I'm dreaming now and need your help" said the shadow.

    "You're dreaming?"

    "Yes, I'm dreaming. I'm your body and you are my mind."

    "And why is my body in my dream and looking like a shadow?"

    "You could say that the mind is a shadow to the body. It learns everything through it and mimics it, but in a dream the body is the shadow of the mind. It reflects everything learned from the mind."

    Chyeze raised his right hand up and his shadow copied. "A bit cliche," said the shadow. "Indeed," responded Chyeze. They put their hands together, palm to palm. "Why am I here?" asked Chyeze. "You've been accepted to a Chinese organization that exists only in dreams. That's were they conduct their business of protecting the dreams of all the people of the world. Demons have been appearing in dreams causing havoc in the mind they reside for the night. They can do things from brainwashing up to death."

    "And why are you here?" questioned Chyeze, removing his palm from his shadow. "I'm here to make you believe. We were accepted in the real world but the organization doesn't exist in the dreams of those who don't know or believe it." He snapped his fingers and instantly shadows appeared all around, surrounding them. It had instantly gone from white to black. "Welcome to the organization Chyeze."

    Chyeze stared at his clone. It was one thing to believe this if he remembered anything from before but he couldn't remember anything after he had arrived at the village in China. "But this seems logical if people can access dreams and such," pondered Chyeze, "There doesn't seem to be much I can do though." Chyeze looked up, "Okay, I believe you." His shadow nodded in confirmation and a building appeared behind. The shadows disappeared into the building and they both walked forward. It was only when he reached the door did Chyeze lose sight of his shadow.
  5. Ego Imperium Twilight Town Denizen

    Jul 10, 2009
    I reject your reality, and substitute my own.
    Every Challenge for this gets more difficult to judge. But I think I’ve got my thoughts well enough in order.

    Midnight Star
    Your post was a little on the short side, though that was only relatively speaking when placed next to everyone else’s. There were a few mistakes in spelling/wording that I noticed. Where you have that he “span round,” really should have been “spun around.” Which brings me to the use of “round.” It just doesn’t seem professional to use the term in narrative. If it were some sort of dairy account style of storytelling, where it was clear that someone was recanting the events. Otherwise, always put the effort in to use words in their entirety… round=around.

    Other than those points in the writing of the post, I’d have to say that you’ve done a very good job in expressing the situation. I do think that you could have come up with something a little more out of the box than a western town setting. But I also think that you presented your character in a generally unique situation. It seemed like his fearful reactions were more towards an ambiguous presence than an actual thing present in the town. You used the ‘power’ allotted to you well, and in a manner that would be expected in a dream, manifesting a bat.

    In the end, I think that you’d have been better off not including those last two sentences. I found that it sort of weakened itself just from the fact that Ryan was running from what might’ve been defined as his own shadow, which created a really good atmosphere, and, in opinion, those last two sentences broke that atmosphere.

    Once more, you’ve made a post that is detailed and very impressive. Although I think that in this case you’ve gone a bit overboard. It’s not that a lot of detail is a bad thing or something like that. It’s really just that you took a lot of time and shoved a lot of detail into what was essentially a single experience or happening. I think that that there could have been more in the way of events, or that you could have at least spaced that first long paragraph a bit more to give the chain of events a little more clarity and separation (it also would have been a lot easier on the old eyes to read through).

    That aside, it was an interesting post in the way you did choose to express the situation. The dream you described really did feel like something that one would find in a full out dream (or in this case, nightmare). The setup in the operating room (if that’s what it was) served a good purpose. I don’t know if it was intended, but I could see a correlation between what was happening to Faust in his dream, and what may have been happening to his physical body while he was having that dream.

    Ace Sukebe
    I was going to call you out on some minor spacing; it was one of those situations of spacing between different characters speaking. However, thinking of it more in depth, it seems to make quite a bit of sense, being that your situation is with a character having a conversation with himself as two aspects of himself. What I liked about your post was that it was, though maybe not intentionally), different from the other posts in this challenge in that it wasn’t a routine nightmare experience. It was more of trippy idea, or a spiritual sort of dream. I guess the operative word for it would be an “out of body experience,” in a sense.

    It was clear that Chyeze’s mind was perplexed by the situation, especially by seeing his own body as a shadow in his dream. However, I think that there could have been a little more emotion put into it. Maybe some sort of denial, or just a little more of a process of his mind piecing together where he is and what he’s doing there. Really just a little more detail to go on and exaggerate the emotion being expressed.
  6. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    It's a shame not everyone was able to post on time, but for those who did good job. You each had your own take on the challenge and presented us with something new to read with each post. Congratz~

    I love how it feels like the start of a story while also remaining in role play format. There was still enough space for anyone posting afterward to work off of while also explaining your character's location and feelings perfectly. The setting wasn't that far out there when it comes to dreamscape, but still could tell it wasn't natural. Also a nice touch of having a monster there to build up the fear, without having to drag it on to another post. Because fighting weak NPCs can always get messed up in rps so it worked out well here. There are some spelling and grammar errors, but nothing so major it hinders the overall post. So nice job~

    I just love the imagery presented here, both in the formatting of the post and actual words. It gives off a very relaxing feel at the start that is easy to read and sets up the rest of the post perfectly. Then there is a sudden change from that calm feeling to one of panic. However, though the detail was vivid and well written out Jayn made a point that this is for rp, and not mini stories. So perhaps a little cutting back here and there. It was still a wonderful read either way.

    I love how he was face with himself, or his shadow. And in the white room, which felt normal for a dream world. However for a challenge based on reaction and emotion I feel as if there was too much dialogue in this post. And in the last paragraph the switch from denial to acceptance just felt rushed and unreal. However you did do a good job at explaining exactly what was going on with the back story which lead to his being there and ended it with him moving forward, which helps progression in any role play/story.
  7. MadDoctorMaddie I'm a doctor, not a custom title!

    Apr 19, 2008
    Med Bay
    Argh, I'd almost finished writing these up when our house lost power ;.;

    And you guys, you're making this way too hard to judge Dx

    Interesting take on the challenge. You described the setting of your post fairly well, and it suits the role playing aspects of the challenge. There's just something kinda vague about the whole thing, though, that I can't quite put my finger on. The slightly paranoid feeling to the post is very cool, though.

    Overall, a job well done.

    Pika pika!
    You painted a really amazing nightmare scenario here. Your details are great again, although there's something very movie-esque about it. You're definitely showing some restraint, that's a step in the right direction in my opinion, hopefully you can stay on the path without losing your great descriptions.

    Eurgh, I'm having trouble putting this to words... The problem I have with this is that it seems like it's a part of a much bigger picture, and that you kinda have to really know the character beforehand to connect with this post. The 'age finally catching up to him' thing was great, but it wouldn't quite have the same emotional impact if you're just starting the RP (which was my interpretation of this challenge, so again, this part is largely subjective). I dunno, it's just bothering me personally, I have no idea if others even thought about it the same way I did...

    Regardless, your writing is still great.

    Acey Cakes
    Huh, I'm doing a almost complete 180 turn from my opinions last week. This was really intriguing, and for probably the first time for me, your character felt real and easy to relate to. The 'talking to a different part of me' was a fantastic way to use the dream scenario, my applause for that. You probably had one of the best uses of the 'newbie at dream organization' aspect of the challenge. You had just the right amount of description vs dialogue vs emotional aspect.

    Color me very impressed
  8. Scarred Nobody Where is the justice?

    May 14, 2007
    Sorry these are a bit late. Last few weeks of school are always the hardest.

    Nice job detailing the setting for us. One thing I think is important about dream worlds is how everything looks and feels, which you did very well. Another aspect about dreams is not questioning what is going on, your mind accepts what is going on at face value. That made you post seem that more realistic. And you did a good job leaving it open enough for anyone to build off of it after your inital post.

    Your post was very good and very detailed, but, to me, it seemed to read as something more for a novel than an RP post. Also, it would have been nice to see the wall of text be broken into some paragraphs; sooner or later, the words just seem to be meshing together. It was very detailed and it is obvious you worked hard on it, which is why I feel bad for pointing out all of the negative things.

    This was some very interesting imagrey. The way your character reacted to having to face himself does seem to fit with how most people would probably react in such a situation. At one point, it seemed a bit book-ish, but you did leave it open enough to where other people can build off of it. I mentioned this a lot because to me, role playing, isn't only how you act in a situation, but also giving someone something to properly react to.
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