Role Play Idol [Season Two] Challenge #3

Iona looked at Corey and mustered up a hopeful smile, “Thanks. I hope she’s okay too.” Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all, he was in pain too. She slowly turned around to face the nurse. Butterflies filled up so strong inside her, it felt like they could burst out any moment. She was glad they’d finally got news on him but couldn’t help but worry, what if it was bad news? However she delayed it no longer and walked over to the nurse, “How is he?”

They talked quietly for a few minutes, Iona nodding in response to what the nurse said. More tears fell down her face. However a brave smile appeared on her face though it was tinged with sadness. “Okay, I understand, thank you” Iona said finally before the nurse left. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve before gradually turning around and making her way back to Corey.

 

​

She hit the concrete pavement. Hard. Pain flared as her leg buckled with a sickening crack. However, she didn't scream. She knew that Andrew would help her and make everything better. After all, in just the short time she'd met him, he'd endured her eccentricities, and had even gone so far as to buy her a bottle of water for her wounded hand, so she didn't cry out. She merely looked up at the person she had come to trust and rely on, wordlessly seeking help.

No help came.

In a matter of moments, he'd transformed. The Andrew she thought she knew would have helped her, would have picked her up and given her a sling. The Andrew in front of her didn't even notice her injury. Instead, he blamed her for everything from the café internet to his college troubles as she tried harder and harder to bite back the tears. Finally, unable to conceal her agony, she turned her back and began to limp away, tears flowing freely.​

 

Ruby didn't give a damn anymore. She took four steps towards the girl, marking in her mind her flinching. She stopped right behind her and knelt down looking straight ahead. She could see her goals in her bloody hands. "Yesssssss," she moaned to the ground. In a blur she swung around and clamped her hand around the girls mouth and grabbed her hair with the other, pulling with her all might, dragging her into the store.

The girl struggled but was did not have much strength compared to Ruby. Her feet were dragging on the red carpet below, wet from the snow. Ruby quickly found what she was looking for. The restroom. She entered, gliding across the floor, looking into all the stalls. Not a soul. She dragged her prisoner to the wall and slammed her against it. She closed her hands around the shoulders of the girl, and glared into her face. "I have little patience and time girl! That man will be mine. This arguement ends here!"

 

What happened?
This was awful. The dank walls dripped, splashing small drops of water into the background and sending another wave of fear into Jen each time. Each sound could be her stepping closer. But, in a way, she wasn't scared. It was more of a sick excitement, the kind you get when you're on a rollercoaster. Jen had reached the top of the first hill. And it was about to plummet. "What's wrong with you? How messed up do you have to be?" She cried, struggling through her voice but not her limbs. "You don't deserve him! He's too good for you."

Jen was shocked at herself. If anyone was unfit for the guy, it was her. She was young, just a kid. But he was perfect! No, actually. Not perfect, but great. And great was far too good for her. "What's your obsession? What's your sick, creepy, obsession? Leave him alone, he'll never take you!" Again, the words were not her own. Something possessed her, some love, some reckless love that made her forget everything she knew. She was at the top of the hill now. Let's see how it falls.

 

"OBSESSION... IS LOVE!" Ruby screamed. The girl was now in front of the sinks, the mirror behind her showing their difference in height. Ruby pulled her arm back, readying a slap to send this girl reeling to the floor. She stepped back for more power, not seeing the puddle of water below. Ruby slipped, losing her balance and in an attempt to regain it she stepped backwards. Unfortunately though, she stepped in another puddle and started sliding backwards. She kept trying to regain her footing until she found herself wet and stuck in a toilet with its lid up.

"GAAH!" Ruby cried out, watching the girl back away towards the door. She tried to wrench her butt free but couldn't. She pulled with her might and with final effort managed to launch herself forward just as the girl was stepping out of the bathroom. She bumped her head, blacking out just as she saw her man's shoes coming towards her. Ruby woke thirty minutes later to find her underwear missing.

 

Oh God I suck at dead lines >.>

Firekeyblade

Spoiler

I really like your character, and your prose is pleasant enough. I just felt like it took you too long to actually get to the fighting part of the challenge. In fact, you didn’t really introduce conflict until your very last post, despite the fact that you were the initiator. It seemed that P had to drag the argument out of your character, after a few tries.

The curiosity over KHV-tan was great, but it didn’t fit the given scenario of Andrew being annoyed over her following him at all. But you did do a good job in keeping your posts short.

P

Spoiler

Again, you were great. I don’t really have anything to complain about. You tried to get the argument started, and you eventually succeeded, even when it sorta wasn’t your job. And the ‘peddler file’ thing was adorably hilarious, and KHV-tan’s view of sex had me tilting my head. Whatever that means.

However…
Your first post was one (1!) word over the limit. D8<

EDIT: As it's somewhat unclear which word counter is correct, I shall leave my lame joke on with an admittance of error. Sowwy ;.;

Midnight

Spoiler

You and Maka had an excellent give and take, and the two of you probably met the challenge requirements the best. The posts were emotional, realistic. I really felt for your character.

You did a great job with letting Maka’s posts change your own, from what I see. Like with P, I didn’t find anything really wrong with this. Keep up the good work!

Maka

Spoiler

And here’s the point where I start repeating myself… Like I mentioned in Midnight’s critique, you guys worked together really well, and really fit the conflict aspect of the challenge, as well as keeping to the word limit.

This is a minor quibble, but I kinda felt like you could’ve adapted to Midnight’s post a tiny bit better. It seemed to me that your character didn’t really yield at all, and in stead you could’ve shared the blame, in a way I guess. But this might be a bit subjective, something I prefer to see instead of the ‘right’ thing. Eh, I dunno, I’m rambling again…

Ace

Spoiler

Well, you certainly took the conflict part of the challenge to heart. To the point were I felt it was taken a bit too far. It got a bit too physical, too anime-like for my like.

Which brings me to the next point. Your character is great, if she were a character in an over the top anime series. But in this kinda setting, I don’t find her realistic, can’t relate to her. It seems odd that a 27-year-old woman who’s so far seemed incredibly confident would get so worked over a 13-year-old girl talking to her crush. I understand that this was a part of the scenario given to you, but I felt it could’ve been handled better. Your posts weren’t bad really, they just felt odd, and slightly out of place, I guess.

Britishism

Spoiler

Again, a group of posts with no real problem. You worked well with what was given, and still managed to keep things grounded. I loved Jen sticking up to her herself, and not quite believing she was doing it, it was a nice bit of characterization.

I’m really struggling to come up with anything else constructive to say, so I’ll sign off with a ‘Great job!’.

 

Not a whole lot to add on these, as most of what there is to say has been said. You all did a nice job sticking to the limit, mostly. Almost all of you had at least one post over the word limit, though at least it wasn't overly so. And again you continue to impress.

Spoiler: P

Almost all of your posts contained exactly 170. It followed the limit, of course, but it seemed to be pushing it in my opinion. Though I must admit the quality of each post was good and they were fun to read. They were rather funny as well.

Spoiler: FKB

Nice detail and seemed to have quick replies, which are needed to keep role plays going. Stayed in character with a simple set up and nice flow.

Spoiler: Midnight

Your posts felt human, real. Anger, confusion, and depression all came by quickly yet still felt natural. And the ticking in the first added a rhythm to it. There was decent amount of detail here and a good pace that would keep a role play moving along easily. And it was ended openly which was nice.

Spoiler: Maka

Very nice detail; I was able to picture it all without much effort. Also very human reactions here as well. The rain might be overdone but it was still a nice touch here, as giving the extra detail to the setting does help with writing for both parties as it sets the tone.

Spoiler: Ace

Comical as always, and with good description. Though I feel as if you controlled Brit's character somewhat in your posts, and that is always frowned upon in role plays. If you got permission, then I apologize, I know no better. And giving the crowd details is also a nice touch, as they are often forgotten about in role plays.

Spoiler: Brit

Your style is pleasant still, though perhaps repetitive in the use of 'she did this' and so on. However you aren't the only one here with that problem, and is one who can still make a post sound nice even with that. You also gave the crowd reactions which was nice to read and made things more realistic.

 

This is just to say that I will have all of my critiques posted by the end of the night.

 

You thought you got rid of me, didn’t you? Hahahahaha!
*hare hare yukai plays*
*rises from the ground like Renge from OHSHC*

That’s right kiddos, there’s a new judge in town. Since I was asked at the last minute, I’ll do my reviews throughout the day. I should get through all of yours by tonight (or maybe in two hours, seeing as I have nothing else to do). So hang tight; I’ll get through it all.

Firekeyblade

Spoiler

Being the initiator is always the hardest part of a role-play; you have to start everything off and hope that everyone plays nicely. I liked how you were creative with your setting and how detailed you were. With the word limit in place, you also had to be concise while giving enough detail for the reader to understand what was going on. I think you did that nicely. Even though your posts were suppose to be short, you could have broken it down into some paragraphs, but I have no complaints.

P

Spoiler

Your posts were fun to read. At some points, it did feel like (to me anyway) that you were more focused on getting a reaction out of the reader, making it less effective. Still, it worked for you character and the way you were going about your posts. You were also organized, which was really nice. Both you and Firekeyblade had good chemistry with each other.

Midnight Star

Spoiler

The mood you created for the area was really good. In the beginning, the tension between the two characters was very clear and very open to possibilities. Emotions were heightened, and it was all very convincing. My only critique is that if felt like it fizzled out near the end. I don’t think that’s out of laziness, but because that same sense of heightened emotion was gone. Still, it’s nice that the two of you came to an ending that had a resolution.

Maka

Spoiler

While Midnight Star was good at creating the setting, you did a good job creating the tone. Being the receiver, you have to build off of what the initiator created and, as well, create something that they too can build off of. You did a great job doing that. Your job in this was reacting and I think you did a good job doing that.

Britishism

Spoiler

Your posts had nothing really wrong with them. You were good at playing the receiver, and it was fun watching you poke at Ace. A lot of what you said has some ground of realism, that is, the teenage girl that speaks the first thing that comes out of her mouth without thinking. All the little things you added that she though added a lot of depth to the character, which is always good. People are complicated, and you personified that pretty well.

Ace Sukebe

Spoiler

Obviously, you have some experenice with crazy, obsessed girls.

Your posts were really fun to read. You made it clear (while not having to point it out) that there was something wrong with Ruby. While Jen acted without instinct, Ruby acted on obsession, making her brilliant and dangerous. It seemed very realistic, having experience knowing people who have dealt with crazy stalkers. Good job. :D

 

Sorry I’m so late to the show. Not much I can really do at this point other than echo other sentiments, but here it goes.

Firekeyblade

Spoiler

The one big thing that I have to call you on for this challenge is the matter of the role your character played. As has been said already, your character was meant to be the one initiating the argument. However, that really wasn’t achieved with your posts. It wasn’t really until the end of Andrew’s squabble with KHV-Tan that there was really anything that lead to that end. It would have helped you to come up with the point of argument beforehand and illustrated it in your post. Otherwise, you did a good job with your posts. If you had been the receiver, it would have been nearly perfect in regards to the challenge criteria.

P

Spoiler

Again, you’ve given some very entertaining posts to read; despite her “fantastical” nature, KHV-Tan is a fun character to read for, and the personality you put into the posts for her catches very easily. It was commendable of you to try and get the fire going. However, it wasn’t your task in regards to the challenge, and for that, I feel that I have to call out. Your posts would have been great if you had gotten the first post in to be the initiator. As with Firekeyblade, if you had been meant to be in the opposite role of the argument, it would have been pretty much perfect.

Midnight Star

Spoiler

You did a good job at playing the role of the initiator. You kept to the challenge in blaming your receiver. Though I will say it the way you passed the blame was generic, granted in this situation, generic works very well. And from the beginning, you built up the situation that caused the argument, steadily creating a fuller history of what happened, and why it happened to begin with. You didn’t pull too much from your partner either, which was a good thing; your really just built off of what Maka brought forth.

Maka

Spoiler

Feeling like a broken record here just a little bit Anyways, you played your receiver role pretty well. It was nice how you built the history of your situation. It was especially cool that you worked with your partner, spring boarding off of what they did, instead of deviating out into something new in the argument. As receiver, you played a strong defensive role, which is, for the most part, how it’s meant to be. That’s really all I can think of to say.

Ace

Spoiler

Well, this is exactly how I see a girl starting an argument over a guy, granted I wouldn’t know much about how that goes down. The decision to make it a squabble for someone your character didn’t already know, to me, helped to make the scenario. As your previous works have done, you’ve shown Ruby’s cutthroat attitude through your posts, and in this case, stepped a little more into the “irrational” side of that persona; on that note, I like how you maintain a continuum of sorts with your posts thus far. And your choice of closure for it was, albeit a bit on the distasteful side, rather ironic, and if I may say so, welcome. It’s almost like she’s getting her comeuppance.

Britishism

Spoiler

A pretty strong performance as a receiver in the argument; Jen’s response to the initial confrontation was, for the most part, as it should have been. The confusion was there, as well as the first strains of calmness and a touch of logic and reason to counter your partner’s “obsessed stalker” mentality. You flowed well with the energy from there though, and your character was obviously affected by the front put on by her counterpart, pushed, as it were, to a more aggressive tone.