Role Play Idol [Season Three] Challenge #2

Discussion in 'RP Idol Archive' started by Jayn, Apr 11, 2012.

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  1. Jayn

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    Role Play Idol
    【Challenge One: Mild Interaction.

    ★ {WELCOME} ★

     Hey. You guys did pretty well last time. Please remember your critiques, though, and apply what you've learned here. It will help you. There will be a voting session this time around, so.

    Secondly, Dr. Wigglz is back for this challenge, considering we didn't vote anyone off and it was an emergency.

    The judges for this season's RPI will be...

    Machina
    Midnight Star
    hyuge-of-the-twilight
    and Jayn.

    Remember that our critiques are meant to help and encourage you. I hope that at the end of this competition, you will have become more confident in your role playing, and will feel more comfortable approaching us (the judges) and your fellow role players, even outside of it. We're here to help. <:


    ★ {THE CHALLENGE} ★

     As you may or may not have noted in the sign-up thread, challenges will be a bit more role play like this season. You'll have a chance to interact with each other a bit more than previously have. This challenge will be more like your first evaluation. The judges will be giving you strong, personal critiques to help you improve and start out well for the challenges to come. That being said, no one will be eliminated this last challenge (edit: referring to challenge 1.). This does not mean to slack off, however. We will be looking very closely at your level of effort and creativity.

     'Kay so for this next scenario, Midnight has offered a suggestion. This challenge will be interactive, but still limited.

    In her own words;

    In more detail, in this challenge the first poster (whoever posts first is the first poster) will be setting the stage. A 'pressured circumstance' can be anything stressful, like there's a bomb about to go off and you have to escape from a building before it explodes. Or there's someone hunting you and you have to navigate and get out of a certain area alive/kill 'em.

    Whoever posts first gets the chance to choose what the situation is. The second poster, however, chooses their relationship with the first poster. Are you friends? Mortal enemies?

    Either way, you both have to decide if you'll team up to defeat the bad guy/escape the place/etc whatever you chose. Message me for clarification if you need it.

    For this challenge you will be paired up. You'll have until the posted deadline to wrap up the scenario. You may only use ONE of your two characters, and only interact with YOUR partner.

    Tale_Wing x Wigglz
    miaulement x flowergothic
    Nights x Master of Keyblades


    If you post consistently, but your partner fails to respond regularly, YOU will not be penalized.

    ★ {RULES AND RESTRICTIONS} ★

    ♣ You can (and have to) post more than once.

    ♣ You must use ONE of your characters in this challenge.

    ♣ Remember that this is a competition. Try your best to impress me, and the judges. If you're not trying, it will be evident.

    ♣ For this challenge, you may interact with your partner only.

    ♣ Posts count, so be relevant. Please don't spam questions in this thread about this challenge, contact me personally.

    ♣ You have until APRIL 17TH to post. Preferably before then, because we want as much time as possible for the judging process. <: If you do not make that deadline, you are disqualified. Talk to me if it's important.

    ♣ Be creative and have fun! It is a competition, but it's also about being creative, original and letting loose.

    ♣ Graphics are okay to use if you want them. But I'm not making them for anyone in this competition. If you use them, you're not scoring any extra points with the judges. I've made it clear that graphics does not equal superior.

    ♣ Post your posts in this thread, below my post.

    ♣ You may not have powers but you may have weapons.

    ♣ Once you submit, that's your post. You can edit spelling errors and such, but please don't add more on. Only because it would be unfair to post, compare to everyone else's post and edit more in based off of what other people post.

    ♣ If you edit your post, leave a reason why. I CAN compare original posts to their edits, so please be honest.


     
  2. CrownMoksha Decimo

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    Well this is just great. Jaden thought to himself. It was supposed to be a simple operation, they were supposed to sneak in an attempt to find some secret plans. Even though that was all they had to do, apparently they were waiting for them to show up case when they did; they were quickly surrounded and put into a cell. "Hey you okay?" He asked his partner.
     
  3. Jayn

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    {Thanks MOK. Today is actually the last day to post at all. ...LOOKS LIKE YOU WIN RPI. }
    nah i think i should extend the deadline because this is an interactive challenge and i forgot to. but i'll wait to see who actually posts today.
     
  4. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    OOC: -_- I thought today was the deadline?

    Nights replied to Jaden, "Yea, just wondering when we're gonna get some grub." He found himself turning any dreadful situation into something funny as to ease his mind. He held up a small pocket knife he had, "Think this could be of any use? I'm not good at picking locks or anything."
     
  5. Jayn

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    {OOC; Until generally means that's the cut off. But that's confusing. Either way, deadline extended to the 17th.}
     
  6. flowergothic Twilight Town Denizen

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    "Ngh. What happened?"
    Nick woke uo, drowsy from before, though he had no reason why. "Where am I?"
    Then he remembered it all. The sack. The guy in the white mask. The locked-in-the-backseat-of-a-car event, and the arrival here. Then he remembered what the man told him right before he left:
    "Don't you dare leave this place. This is a kidnapping, so you should know that. If I ctach you running around this place, I nave no choice to put you under lock and key. Understand?"
    "Yes, I do understand, don't leave where I am."
    Nick remembered replying, then he suddenly fell asleep.
    "And this is where I am now." Nick told himself.
    He looked around the room. It must've been night, because Nick could hardly see himself. But besides the broken windows and the rusted machines he could make out, he also saw a bit of a girl.
    The girl looked like she was about 10. Her hair looked like it was the color of baby blue, but that was just because of the dark, Nick thought; and she had light blue eyes that this time were her natural color; and an indigo star painted on her right eye for some strange reason.
    Hi litle girl, I'm Nick. Nick Meyers." Nick told the girl, "It look's like we're gonna be here for a while, so what's your name?"
     
  7. Glen Returned from the dead

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    Johnny Sweerd stopped at the top of the staircase leading to the 2nd level of the mansion he was in. How quickly things had changed for him. He thought back to what he had been doing before. He had been invited to a party at the Old Mansion, as a prize for winning a contest. He had been allowed to bring one guest with him, but had had nobody to go with, so he went alone. The party had been going fine, but it took a turn for the worse when someone smelled smoke. Sure enough, there was a small fire that had been started. Who had started it, nobody knew, all Johnny knew was that if he didn't get out, he wouldn't survive. His blue, normally spiked hair now hung down on his forehead, drenched from the sweat that was emerging from his pores.

    Taking a deep breath, he looked at the staircase once more. Half of it had collapsed, presumably fallen down after being burnt. He gulped. "Well, could be worse!" he said out loud. Though not by much... he thought. He leapt into the air, soaring through as he aimed his descent towards the bottom of the staircase. He landed on the ground in an awkward fashion and fell onto the floor, injuring his ankle in the process as he saw a person in the corner of his eye that could potentially help him.
     
  8. CrownMoksha Decimo

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    Jaden smiled at Nights attempt to turn this into a good thing. "Good thing I do." He took the knife from Nights hands and moved towards the door. With a couple of quick precise movement he had the door open in no time. "We'd better hurry before someone finds out."
     
  9. miaulement Traverse Town Homebody

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    "My name is Bloom... that's all you need to know." She said, looking at Nick. "Do you have any idea where we are? What the man looked like? I heard a man's voice as I was captured, but I was ambushed from behind... I remember what he said very well..."

    "I know you... I know who you are, and what you do... my life was ruined... because of YOU... You're going to regret everything you've done, I'll assure you..."

    Bloom shook her head, "His voice was heavy, he was gasping, I'm guessing he ran quite a long way to get me. What I don't understand, why are you here? You seem innocent. Maybe he really is evil." As she got a better look at Nick, Bloom realized he looked rather ill. She then wondered what the man gave both of them, as it was obviously some sort of knock-out item. 'Was it poison?' She thought, studying Nick's expression a bit more, feeling a bit worried for both of them.
     
  10. flowergothic Twilight Town Denizen

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    "Seemed like it was gas, posionous gas." Nick replied, " And I havent seen the guy before. Ever."
    "Maybe is was to ahow you something."
    The two laughed for a second. Then Nick thought for moment: " What if..." But was cut off by Bloom:
     
  11. tamale Ice to see you!

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    Seamus had never liked the Old Mansion.

    Ever.

    So, why on earth he'd accepted the invitation to the party there was completely beyond him. Maybe he was going crazy.

    He dashed down the ancient hallway toward where he remembered the stairs being located. He wanted out of the mansion, and he wanted out NOW--

    "Oh, f--!"

    He screeched to a halt at the threshold of the stairs--or, that is, where the stairs had been. Now there was only a charred mess, and a head of blue hair resting at the bottom. ...Wait, what?

    Yes, one of the other partygoers (Seamus distinctly remembered the blue hair) was at the bottom, clutching his ankle. Either the stairs had fallen beneath him, or he had attempted to jump the staircase, but either way, he had fallen and seemed he wasn't going to be able to get up anytime soon.

    Only after shouting "HEY! Are you all right?" down at the person did he realize what a stupid question it was, and a mantra of f-bombs sailed cheerily through his mind as he struggled to find a solution. This was becoming more difficult than it should have been at a rate directly proportional to the rising temperature in the stupid mansion.

    He'd once heard it said that there was no such thing as an unsolvable problem. Liar. How about DEATH for example?
     
  12. Glen Returned from the dead

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    Still clutching his ankle, Johnny looked up at Seamus. "I'll be alright once i get out of this mansion! Help me up! Please!" Johnny pleaded. He had his doubts about being able to get up on his own. I wouldn't help me up either, getting out should be the top priority...but there's too much death in this world..he HAS to help me up! he thought to himself desperately. He tried to stand up himself, only to have his ankle collapse beneath him. He groaned in pain, not used to being in so much pain he groaned in agony. The fire was spreading faster than he had anticipated now, the room behind him bursting into flames. His eyes widened in fear. "Well? what are you waiting for? HELP ME!" he screamed.
     
  13. miaulement Traverse Town Homebody

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    "There must be a way out of here. If we can find a way out, I can take care of that man..." She suddenly took out a pocket knife, smiling at it as if it were a close friend. She looked over at the machines and then on the floor. "I wonder if there are any entrances to the sewers nearby..." She said, cringing at the thought of walking through rancid water, but not caring if it got both of them out alive. Bloom started walking around quietly, in case if the man was nearby. She didn't want to think about what would happen if the man heard them walking around.
     
  14. flowergothic Twilight Town Denizen

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    "Um, okay." Nick replied. This was weird. A little girl equipped with a pocket knife? What was going on here? But otherwise, he ran after Bloom.
    Then he locked his eyes on a doorway with a button pad next to it, with either UP or DOWN for the options.
    "Hey Bloom, maybe this elevator will give us something to, well, escape with." Nick said, taking chances.
     
  15. tamale Ice to see you!

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    Seamus started to panic as Johnny sank into hysterics and the room behind the blue-haired boy erupted in flames. "Um, hang on!" he called nervously. "I'll be down quick!"

    He tried to keep calm as he looked for a way to get down without hurting himself in the process; they'd both be screwed if that happened. Maybe if I lowered myself down from the lowest intact stair...?

    Well, it was as good an idea as any.

    He anxiously began to move down the remaining four top steps, painfully aware of the creaking noises they made with each footfall. Too late, he realized that the stairs didn't have any support underneath them, and--just my luck--they promptly splintered and collapsed from underneath him. Had he been observing this, it would almost be comical.

    Seamus coughed from the dust and smoke, his throat raw, but that was the least of his worries. The flames were quickly advancing, and if he didn't move NOW, the exit would be completely blocked off. Shitshitshitshitshit!

    All rational thought left his body. Adrenaline smothered the screaming sensation in his legs, head, throat, and sides. He ran for Johnny and slung an arm under one of the boy's, hoisting him up. He didn't give Johnny any time to make himself comfortable, though, and sprinted madly for the door, almost dragging Johnny behind him. "Come on, come on, come on," he urged himself aloud. The door was right there! Just a few more steps, and--

    At the last possible moment, a wall of flame sprang in front of the door. With no time to slow his forward momentum, Seamus screamed as the fire licked at his body in the moment before he barreled through the closed front door.

    It was the picture of an idyllic spring day. The sun shone cheerily in the April sky. Trees swayed lazily in the cool breeze. One such breeze blew into his face, and for a moment he couldn't breathe.

    Isn't it odd how moments can make all the difference?

    Seamus choked. The adrenaline was seeping out of his system, and the past few minutes caught up fast. His eyes bulged as he struggled for air. He started to see spots in his vision. Everything was moving in slow motion. He swayed on the spot. He made a feeble grab for his throat, but his arm quickly went limp.

    Everything was so dark...
     
  16. miaulement Traverse Town Homebody

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    Bloom looked behind her shoulder, "Elevator?" She walked closer to it, "Wait... why would a kidnapper put us in a room with an obvious escape? I think it's a trap." She poked the elevator. Bloom's mind ran astray, thinking of what possible deaths the elevator could lead to. Had he filled a basement with lava, or brought a bunch of rabid dogs in from the streets? 'Wait, no... I must be over thinking this.' She thought, assuring herself, and motioning Nick to follow her as she pressed a button.
     
  17. Glen Returned from the dead

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    OOC: Well, i'm just going to say that was amazing Tale! XD i'm really enjoying this!
    BiC: Johnny pushed through the pain in his ankle and sat up, convinced he was safe. He laughed quietly. "This is going to take quite a bit of therapy to get over" he exclaimed. He turned to look at Seamus."I...i owe you my life" he said, just loudly enough for Seamus to hear. He was somewhat ashamed that he couldn't help himself. After a few moments, he had noticed Seamus hadn't responded. "I owe you my life" he repeated, a little louder. He turned to look at Seamus to see if he was listening. A short dasp came from his mouth. Seamus wasn't responding in the slightest.

    He dragged himself over to Seamus, using his arms to pull him over to him. He fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out his mobile phone, all the while telling Seamus to stay alive. Within a couple of minutes, he had already made the call and emergency services were sure to be on their way. "You're going to be alright, whoever you are. I won't let you die, not after you saved my life" he reassured.
     
  18. Jayn

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    {Two hours left to wrap anything that's not wrapped up ... up. C:}

    OOC: Alrighty! Thank you all. The judges can judge now, then the voting poll will go up.
     
  19. Jayn

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    I tried to wait for one of the other judges to initiate, but alas.

    Everyone

    Initial impression was that everyone was slow to post. The first post was made two days after the opening post, and then ... no one else really did anything until a day to three later. Had I not extended the deadline, a handful of you all would have been disqualified. If you're confused, speak up and say something. Another tip is to not wait for someone else to post. This was a partnered challenge and a few of you intentionally waited for the other partner to post when you were capable of posting yourself. If you're stuck on ideas, brainstorm and figure it out. I personally believe posting is better then not, even if you personally don't think it's good enough. Unless the role play is officially turn-based and you have to wait, post. Take initiative.

    Another thing is that there were a lot of ... unfinished ones? I'll say it again, but I generally extend the deadline when it's asked for, so if the reason was too little of time, then that could have been avoided.

    Pair critiques.


    Tale_Wind x Wigglz

    Very nice start, Wigglz. c: Immediately interested me and such. You two had great chemistry, imo. Detailed/effort-showing posts, wit and communication. On top of that, you finished! There was actually an end in there, I'm so proud of you, lol.

    I don't have much to say, I really enjoyed reading that.

    miaulement x flowergothic


    I really like the kidnapping idea! Good job.

    Alriiight. Here's another one that's inconclusive. The kidnapped scenario was really good, but nothing really tied itself together. For example, why drug and kidnap someone just to give them an escape? It was anti-climatic, I guess, and in the end, flowergothic didn't post again so, wondering if you two talked this out and thought that was a good note to leave off on or if flowergothic just didn't post again.

    Nights x Master of Keyblades

    Thank you for starting off, MoK. As a team, you two were pretty good.

    I liked how Jaden built off of Nights' knife thing. The scenario in itself wasn't very specific, I suppose. I understood that you guys were surrounded, but I didn't know how you knew each other or ... anything other then that. You were just there. And in the end, Nights never replied again. I'm not sure if you guys talked the scenario out or not, but it was all inconclusive. Nothing really happened, so that's a disappointment.

    Individual Critiques.

    If you're not here, I don't have anything specific to comment on.

    Spelling. I noticed a lot of spelling errors. v: Easily solvable, nothing else much to add.

    Sometimes your sentences don't make much sense to me? Like a word or something will be missing from making it a complete sentence, which isn't incomprehensible, but I advise you to read through your post before you hit submit. Other then that, you have some posts sometimes that I think could benefit if you put more effort into them. Last season we had a problem with people writing too much, this season we have a problem with people writing too little, lol.

    I may add some more later but yeah, that's it for now. I'll wait a couple more days. If the rest of the judges don't post by then, we'll move onto the voting without them.
     
  20. Midnight Star Master of Physics

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    I'm sorry for the delay in this, life has been a little hectic. I'm afraid I haven't quite finished but I'll post what I have and edit to avoid further delay. Okay first things first to everyone, the speed of posting in this challenge wasn't very impressive. People taking this long to post in actual rps mean people forget about them and lose intrest ultimatatly causing them to die. There is a definate room for improvement there. Also half of you missed the brief, they were supposed to make a choice if they should trust the other person or not. Perhaps with the possible exception of Dr. Wigglz this did not happen, everyone automatically trusted eachother. Anyway on to the individual critisms.

    Master of Keyblades
    First I’ve got to say well done for actually posting first. Your actual post I felt you were very vague and didn’t include much detail. The situation you set up was a bit unclear but I’d of liked you to have extend your posts and to have described what was going on more. Your posts were a bit short, however I liked the way you tried to be creative with it and came up with the situation.

    Nights
    Well done on not taking too long to reply to MoK but it was a shame that you didn’t post again as it left it without a proper ending. Your post was very short and didn’t have that much in it. I liked how you attempted to add some banter to the post but just try to build up on it and give your partner more to work with. Three lines isn't really enough for a challenge, even when it's an interaction one and you only have one character to work with. There is hardly anything there to judge on.

    Flowergothic
    I liked the detail you included in your first post; I liked the situation and the way you showed what had happened to him. I thought the describing how he saw Bloom was a nice touch too. Your second post was a little short but not too bad. However with ‘The two laughed for a second’ and ‘But was cut off by Bloom:’ I can see what you’re trying to do but it seems like you’re controlling Bloom who isn’t your own character. It’s not very much and probably wouldn’t matter hugely but I would try to avoid doing that. I liked how you tried to progress what was happening and it was an interesting read, though it didn’t seem to come to a proper conclusion.


    Sorry once again, I will edit in the rest later.
     
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