Polygamy

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by Kaidron Blaze, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Kaidron Blaze Kingdom Keeper

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2009
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Gale Valleys, before the darkness attacks...
    28
    881
    Me and my boyfriend have a polygamus relationship in that we *cough* have sex with more than just eachother, we even host orgys with friends. But what I wanted to disscus is whether or not people think a polygamus relationship can last? Whether people think monogamy is what SHOULD happen in a relationship and any other thoughts on the whole subject ^.=.^
     
  2. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

    Joined:
    May 25, 2007
    Gender:
    Cisgender Male
    1,282
    That is not Polygamy, that's just having an open relationship.Polygamy is when you are married to more than one person.

    Polygamy mainly occurs because of a hierarchy, where the strongest and fittest who survive are able to claim more than one sexual partner at a time. Their superior survalist genes are passed on to their offspring as a result meaning, the strong of the species survive.
    The other reason it mainly occurs is that in certain species, their population numbers are low in terms of gender, meaning that there might be a low number of men, but a high number of women, or vice versa. By having polygamous relationships in these situations, the population can grow quicker than if it was simply monogamous relationships everywhere, otherwise the species coulbe in danger.

    They're my two justfiable reasons for Human polygamy, but these days they aren't needed, we have overpopulation, and most every health and fit person of the species survives. We don't need to have more than 2 kids at a time, otherwise we're casuing further starvation and global problems for ourselves. China has been experiencing that first hand for a few decades now, at least. Most all of us survive in a monogamous relationships, we rarely need the love of another to the same degree unless we are that needy of attention.

    By the sounds of it, your experiencing a hormone filled phase. No justification for 'polygamy' as you call it. But open sex is fine enough if you know what you're doing with it.
     
  3. Styx That's me inside your head.

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    319
    Few people are genuinely cut out for open relationships. Sometimes, one of both partners discovers a throbbing jealousy that they didn't know was there at first. Or the amount of sex partners that either of the two have may be unbalanced, which can cause tension as well.
    If their ideas and expectations match perfectly though, then I see nothing wrong with it. It can last, just don't expect it to because the first few months went well.

    There are, of course, other risks involved with "sleeping around" (an increased probability for STDs and unwanted pregnancies, or a casual sex partner who suddenly wants more) but if you think that the benefits outweigh those risks, then you should be free to indulge in casual sex as much as you like.
     
  4. Ars Nova Just a ghost.

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2009
    Gender:
    hungry
    Location:
    Hell 71
    2,986
    F.Y.I., the formal title for such a relationship before marriage is "polyamory."

    There's nothing wrong with it, but it's a delicate balancing act. A one-on-one relationship is tough enough; you have to consider your compatibility with your partner, the pace of the relationship, what your plans are together, how much time you spend with your partner, how much and how often and in what ways you each express your love, how much you should do for each other... I could go on.

    Now imagine that a third person is added to the equation. Suddenly everyone involved is doing double-time; all of the above considerations and more have to be balanced evenly between two people, without either one feeling as if they're receiving less love than they ought to be. If sex and marriage are factored in, the trick only gets trickier.

    The single greatest piece of advice I can give you is to SET GROUND RULES. Everyone needs to know the score; what they can expect from the relationship, who spends time with whom, who does what with whom. If you and your partners' needs are fulfilled by polyamory, then there's nothing wrong with it. But if someone starts to get jealous, it's gonna rock the boat crazy quick. As important as communication is in an ordinary relationship, it is exponentially more important in one like this, where the same sensitive connection is stretched ever thinner.

    If you're in it just for the sex, it can potentially be easier or harder to sustain. It largely depends on the same factors, but different questions. Are you and your partner able to fully disconnect sex from romance? If not, you may find it puts a strain on your relationship in the long term. Consider instead how you can excite each other; experiment a little. Again, if you can pull it off, there's no harm in it, but it's no small feat, and not for the faint of heart. There are simpler ways that may take more effort, but they are just as fulfilling.

    ...That's... No offense, but that's an overtly clinical and limited break-down. What if one person genuinely loves two people, and they consent to enter into a relationship at the same time without fuss?
     
  5. Makaze Some kind of mercenary

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Location:
    The Matinée
    1,207
    I love you.

    You beat me to it this time. The only thing I have to add is that sex, and by extension an orgy does not imply a relationship or commitment.

    To the OP. What makes you call him your boyfriend? What separates him from your other partners? That is important to note.
     
  6. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

    Joined:
    May 25, 2007
    Gender:
    Cisgender Male
    1,282
    You don't need to say 'No offence' to others when you clearly said nothing offensive, you stated some facts. I'm sick of people not trying to offend someone when they clearly aren't, like they're doing something bad. You're not, it's good to question other people's belief and ideas, just don't insult them without grounds.
    The reason it's clinical is because it's basically some of the stuff I learn about relationships in Psychology about a year ago. We looked at different relationship types, such as heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous and polygamous. So most of the information I'm saying is from some part of my memory.

    To be honest, how many cases of a polygamous relations in regular society works?

    I mean, the only cases of 'accepted' polygamy is mainly restricted to cults or religious sects in the fringes of societies that are segregated from the norm. The most common case is a single male patriarch with several wives and children, so it could be one man has 12 wives and about 60 kids between them. What justification has this man got for so many wives? It's not love, it's greed pure and simple. His wives are outcasts or desperate or underage women who have effectively been indoctrinated to believe that this man's word is law, is the way to live, and their kids are under educated with little to no grasp of the outside world, away from their closed of society.
    In many of the cases, the wives live and work for the man, who is waited on hand and foot by these women, whilst the 80 children receive little alone time with their father and sometimes even view him as a messiah when they get the time.

    Just look at this link, shows you some of the most famous polygamists in history and how none of their relationships are based on love: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/14535

    I'm not doubting you can love more than one person, loving your family, or your friends or your partner are all different types of love, but the chances that you find romantic forms of love from several people at the same time that is based purely on love (not lust) has more zeroes on it then I can be bothered to type, the chance of being hit by lightning is significantly higher, I'm sure.
    The thing is, people don't enter a polygamous relationship for love or companionship, even rulers in the past had a main wife, the best of the rest as it were, whilst the rest were more political and also they had concubines. They enter these relationships for power, control and sex.
    Maybe there is a polygamous relationship that works on love, but the majority don't and likely never will be.
     
  7. Krowley Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2008
    2,289
    Well, From what I've read, an active sex life is a good way to live longer.
    As for whether or not it will last, it's entirely dependent on both you and your boyfriend.
    While polyamory is satisfying, some people desire more intimate relationships that involve only one partner.
    The morality of non-monogamous relationships is always debatable.
    Monogamous couples bored with their sex life sometimes turn to polyamory to spice things up.

    I wonder why monogamy is what should happen in a relationship, if marriage fails a fair majority of the time.
    Again, choice is always yours. I myself am a "1 per customer" kind of person (Mostly because I'd be lucky to get ONE)
     
  8. Guardian Soul hella sad & hella rad

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Gender:
    Male
    794
    From what you've said so far, your relationship doesn't really look polyamorous since you recognize only one of them as your boyfriend. Instead it looks like you and your boyfriend are participating in swinging. Swinging is the belief that you can be in a committed emotional relationship while still having sex with other people with, of course, the consent of everyone involved. Sex and love are not faces of the same coin, and one does not have to proceed directly from the other. Although I'm just assuming at the moment so correct me if I'm wrong.

    As for my personal opinion on polygamy, it can possibly work but I personally believe that the chances are slim. The thing about polygamy is that I personally find it almost impossible to treat two partners with the same equal amount of love - one is bound to feel more left out. Polygamy worked back in the day because marriage was less about personal happiness and much more about political alliances and child rearing in most cases. Personal happiness in marriage is much newer than most people would think. Now if the partners are able to reject exclusivity, jealousy, possessiveness and the negative or limiting emotions that seem to come with them then it can possibly work. In the end, it's putting a lot more work into something that was already A LOT of work to begin with. xD
     
  9. Ars Nova Just a ghost.

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2009
    Gender:
    hungry
    Location:
    Hell 71
    2,986
    <3

    Well, to me it does, but I'm a mushy mushy love cookie.

    Well, again, we're talking about polyamory. The standing issue with polygamy is that it is recognized as legally dubious.

    Yes, but you said it yourself, there's no love involved there. I imagine such a relationship would take a decidedly different form, were genuine love involved. If we know of no such cases, that doesn't mean it can't work; it just means we can't judge either way.

    Ooh, now you're getting presumptuous. Why not? In this day and age, when sexuality and romantic openness are being explored, peculiarities embraced, new quirks surfacing and old ones coming to the public eye, why is it so unlikely we may find genuine, functional polyamory? What has stopped us before? Was it in our nature? Who's to say we can't overcome it? What's so sacred about loving only one person in one way, anyway? I consider it a form of conceit or elitism to suggest that one person is more worthy of love than any other. Mind you, it's a form of elitism in which I gladly partake, but I acknowledge it as such regardless.

    Oh man that's right there's another term for that! I felt like I was forgetting something. What a bro, thanks bro. :L

    >believes that they are and do
    >mfw

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

    Joined:
    May 25, 2007
    Gender:
    Cisgender Male
    1,282


    Yes, but you said it yourself, there's no love involved there. I imagine such a relationship would take a decidedly different form, were genuine love involved. If we know of no such cases, that doesn't mean it can't work; it just means we can't judge either way.
    That is true, but if we are going tot talk about the chances of such a relationship working out through love between the multiple partners, and we don't have case studies or experiemtns to support the evidence showing that such a relationship has occured naturally, either means one of two things.
    That it has never happened in history and can't presume a love polyamory occurnoon reality, only in theory. Or that we look a the next, and closest supporting information, that is polygamy, in order to make a comparison theory, then we can also safely assume than such a relationship doesn't work out in terms of love between the group.

    On this point, unless I see some evidence of a love polyamory functioning or at least occurring, then what all of us are doing is speculating on the topic entirely.


    Whom may that be? It can't be Docyx, he himself admitted that he and his boyfriend are only experiencing a lust polyamory, not a love one. Unless you're keeping something from us, Nova?


    .

    To be honest just because we are more knowledgable and open about the varying relationships in out society does not mean that they are anymore successful then they have been in the past. On the contrary, more relationships are apparently failing these days then have in the past, since the movement between couple to single is so easy to access these days that more people are using it than ever. I don't believe it is our nature to romantically love one person in our lives, we as humans adapt to the nature we need most to survive, which has been for a long time in western culture, monogamous. Polygamy in African and Asian tribe and cultures still occur, likely because it has happened in their culture for many generations and has helped them survive as a result.

    And I'm not presuming one love proceeds another, I've already stated that there are many different types of love but I never said that one is above the other, I'm saying that it is highly unlikely to love someone he same as someone else. If you love your multiple partners differently, grade one love better than the other, then it is not equal and in the long run will likely not work.

    And as nice as it would be to overcome it, if we have no evidence that it has occurred now or before successfully, the chances for it to occur are low. Not impossible, but no where near likely.
     
  11. Styx That's me inside your head.

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    319
    I hear an idealistic take on romance talking, which is fine, but there are plenty of people to whom romance is less...celestial, but therefore not less real. There are people who quickly refer to their feelings as love, and who are we to say that they aren't?
     
  12. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

    Joined:
    May 25, 2007
    Gender:
    Cisgender Male
    1,282
    When I say romantic relationship I'm not comparing it to some Romeo and Juliet relationship, but in the sense of a deep loving relationship to be explored between the people in it.
    You're right they do often quickly refer to their feelings as love when they may be anything but.
    A number of relationships don't actually go that deep or far, some marry those they don't like or hate, some just accept their lot and no longer care for the person in that way, enter it for some selfish reason.
    We can only hope that the feelings that we talk about are the ones that we feel.
     
  13. Kaidron Blaze Kingdom Keeper

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2009
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Gale Valleys, before the darkness attacks...
    28
    881
    I have seen quite a few compelling arguments on the subject ^.=.^ which I'm happy for. Though one point I will raise in my relationship I do truly love my boyfriend, he asked to make it open, after a month we tryed it, I think in all honesty our relationship CAN work like this