Please, I need all the support I can get. Very scared.

Ok I want to explain something to all my friends and anyone who can relate. Don't expect your employer to take care of you and own up to something that they did. They don't give a damn about you. You are simply there to just do your job and make them look good. If you can't do your job anymore than it's oh well and live with it. Let me go back to the beginning that supports my angry thoughts.

Ok on October 21st of 2007 I was on firewatch at the my job and I stayed up there for several hours being a ranger it's my duty to protect the park. Anyway I arrive at my shift at 3pm and thinking my shift would be over by 11: 30 pm I never expected I would be there for almost 14 hours. I was supppsed to get a mask and to discover that my employer was scrambling to find masks makes me think of them as incomptent morons. I was in a vehicle practically stranded except for a radio and nextel and the car I was concealed in. The winds were up to speeds of 65 mph and the vehicle was rocking back and forth. I was looking over to the east where the fire was and I alerted one of my bosses that the flames had come over the ridge. Before this time the other departments were evacuating our animal collection so I don't blame them. I blame my department the for my ordeal for not getting a mask to me when I asked for it several times. It wasn't until after 1am that a mask was finally given to me, but what about all those other hours that I didn't have one? This just gets better. Another fire started caused by a transformer that blew up so now I had to deal with double the smoke. To make matters worse about 2 :30 am I was told to evaucaute my post, but when I starrted the car it didn't start. The battery was dead because my boss told me to keep the radio on and I kept the engine off for that would of been stupid if the car had been running for all those hours. I finally managed to get out there and evacuated down to the designated area and finally evacuated from the area around 4am because it had become a fire storm with stong winds and embers flying everywhere. It was as if Hell surfaced.

So enough about that. This is want makes me madder than hell. During November through December I had gotten real sick and I developed pressure in my chest and I thought that it would go away. On Christmas Eve guess where I spent my night? I spent it in the freaken hospital because I had been taken by ambulance from work because I had trouble breathing and had collapsed on the ground. After extensive tests I now costcocnitis (inflammation of the chest lining that had ruptured) I eventually got over being sick in January, but I was misdianosed by a doctor who said I had asthma which I didn't. She gave me this strong medication that nearly killed me. I knew that the pressure was not going away, but it was only happening at night so I asked a kasier doctor if she would write me a note so I could work days since the cold was not helping matters. I thought she would understand, but she said she couldn't and that it wasn't judical. It wasn't fair to the company or the other rangers. I was thinking what the ****? They don't have this problem. I'm the one suffering with this. I left feeling hurt and angry and because I didn't have a note, my boss kept me working on the swing shift in the cold air making my condition worse. So my infection led to something severe which could of been prevented.

My work tried to accomadate me such as either driving the cart in the cold air or once in awhile I got to drive the vehicle, but I still had to do my duties such as do this stupid wanding system, close gates, drive around in the cold while along I was getting worse. I told my boss polietly if I could be moved to days and there was an opening and he said he would check the schedule, but he puts this stupid dumbtwit who was probaly fresh out of highschool this kissup I like to call her there instead and she didn't even have any problems. When I found that out I was mad, but I kept it to myself. Later on there was another opening and I thought that I would get it, but he gives it to someone else who had an attitude to boot . So I kept suffering and went back to Kaiser since I wasn't getting better. I finally found some people who put me temporaily on days for like two weeks. I knew that wouldn't cut it so I went to my own doctor and paid $125.00 out of my own money to see him. He said I now had reactive airway disease and that probaly was the reason for the pressure and trouble breathing. He wrote me a note to work days so I did, but it was to late. The pressure and trouble breathing was now affecting me in the days now . On Feb.25th I was taken to the hospital by a ranger and was given ekg tests because they thought I was having an heart attack. Stupid morons.

This was the final straw that did me in. On February 29th I was simply patroling doing my job when around 11am I felt this intense pain in my chest and I fell to my kness having labored breathing. I called to Park base over my radio for the medic who then arrived with some rangers. They got me in the cart and took me back to the medic's room. Firefighters arrived along with paramedics and I was whisked away by ambulance again. I waited in the waiting room on a gurney with the paramedics for over 2 hours for a room to open up then I remained the whole day there. I was then released that night, my sister had to drive my car home so that was a big ordeal for my family who were very worried. The doctor physican who looked at me said the same thing the others did that I had chest wall pain and when she left I asked the nurse how come I had trouble breathing? That ****ing ***** simply said I could be out of shape. That enraged me I wanted to slap her for saying that, but I was to weak. Days after resting in March I went to another doctor from Kaiser who put me on medical leave for a month and then after that I finally found a doctor I could trust, who would listen to me and who understoood what I was going through. He said I had reactive airway disease as well as post traumatic stress disorder.


So on top of all the stress from the imcompentence of staff and some doctors, the aggravation and turmoil I have had it! I'm anxious to speak to a toxicologist which I have and that resulted in a permanent disablility.


How can someone do this? How do they wake up in the morning and live life knowing that they have ruined mine. To this very day, I still have that damn pressure in my chest, I get winded when I talk to much and I still have shortness of breath. I want to be able to run again, to horseback ride, to climb, to hike, to yell even without getting winded. I can't do the simplest of things such as exercise except for my doctors orders of 30 min only. I have been experiencing forms of depression at times, but I try to remain optimisitc which is why I haven't needed any drugs. My doctor has admired my percerveriance and bravery to live with this for he said most people who had this would of commited suicide by now.


Well... I feel exactly that everyday and I don't know how how long I can take this. I feel my health is not getting better and I've had this serious health condition for almost a whole year. There are times I just want to give up because most of the times I struggle to breath brought on by an inncident that happened last year and I feel heavy pressure upon my chest like someone smashing it. I feel I have missed out on a lot of things I would of normally done this summer and I'm sick of suffering with this. I've lived with this and most people would of taken their own life by now because this is not a way to live. I feel like I can't move on with my life such as have a relationship with that special someone because who would want me? Also I can't deal with any more stress which is what it would come to if it became a serious relationship. I would not want to have to explain myself since it would tire me out . No guy would want to put up with that and would surely leave me.

The reason I don't end it is because I have strong faith in the lord, I'm not a quitter and I'm not going to bring another tragedy upon my family. It would be selfish and wrong to leave them that burden of my loss. I'm also inspired to live my life and I made plans for next summer already so I'm struggling to exist and make it as long as I can, but deep down inside I'm terrified.

I fear because of my poor health that I'm not going to live that long and it's only a matter of time before *hopefully a long time* before I pass on. I'm scared that because of this struggling to breath that I'm putting more pressure on my organs and my heart has been beating out of my chest latey. I'm afraid that I may never be able to be as physical as I once was and that I may never be able to full fill my dream of working with animals. I fear I may be layed off by my work because I have been on medical disability for a long time and I'm freaking out about what this health condidition really is and if it's peramanent or not.

So you see I suffer everyday with this and I try to remain optimistic because I believe the mind is what controls the body so if I remain hopeful and try to be in good spirits then I will not be putting stress on myself. Feeling sorry for myself is not going to fix the problem and I keep telling myself that everyday, but there is only so much I can handle and take. I'm only human with emotions and it's just not fair that this has to happen to me.

More to come please comment and support that you care.:(

 

The act that you have continued and fought for so long gives me a very good reason to admire you. I respect you for what you have been though and for being able to deal with it as you have. You are very strong <3

What happened was not fair and was not right, it sounds like you have been let down by a hell of a lot of people and for that I am very sorry *hugs* the incompetence of your company makes me wonder whether maybe taking legal advice would be of benefit to you.

I will be honest I know nothing about what it is like to live with your condition, so I cannot really say that everything will be alright and all that jazz, but I can ask you to keep positive and keep hope. No matter how much time you have left, whether it is only a short time or a long time, make the most of it the best you can. We go when it is our time to go and not before, just remember that.

You may be only human hun, but you are a damn sight stronger than a lot of others. ​

 

Thank you for responding. My doctor said the same thing. He also said that most people if they were suffering with this unknown condition would of commited suicide. I was shocked to believe that someone would take their life just to end the suffering.

I'm taking legal action aganist the insurance company, but not sueing my employer for I do not want to lose my health coverage through them or burn any bridges. I do have a lawyer to prove that my condition is work related, that I get the compensation that I deserve and I continue to do the best I can everyday.

What keeps me going is spiritual strength, goals that I have for the future, my friends, people I'll probaly never meet like you, and a supporting loving family that are suffering as well especially my mom to see her adult daughter have to endure and suffer with this. I did discover that besides phyiscally, my condition falls under post trautmatic stress and that I have a lot of anger inside surpressed if you will that has not been released. I simply want to know what this is and then I can take the road of recovering.

 

I am in the same boat as CtR, the way you've lived with this condition and the fact that your trying to be optimistic is very admirable. I hope that your diesease is actually temporary and that you can do what you want again.

I hope you do well with your legal action. I would of done the exact same thing in your case. It is the smart thing to do. You've been screwed over by them and for hurting you, they should get what's coming to them.

 

You're a very strong person. And I wish you the best of luck and strength in taking legal action. Smart move too.
That's basically all I can say about it without repeating CtR and DeadlyxMascara's words. Good luck!

 

I admire your strength for it takes a strong person to go as far as you did. Most people would of just given up or taken drugs to solve their problems, but you refused to give in which means you'll be able to take upon any challenge. You must also felt what true pain is and I believe that there will be a special place for you in heaven when you die for I believe that those that suffer and experience hardships that change your whole life, that they are rewarded in the end. The same goes for the friends and families that support that individual.

In the meantime, keep fighting like a warrior and don't let the jerks who did this to you discourage you or hurt you in any other ways. You have my blessing and my love. dear sister.

 

Don't let go. Just focus on what you love in the world, what means something to you, and don't let go. i can tell you're a very strong willpowered person. Just focus that willpower on something that you believe or that calms you.

 

A sad reality of our world, it's that it's a cold place, and at every turn we will find that the hearts of people have been corrupted.

i feel sorry for what happened to you, it was completely unfair, they didn't even care, even after knowing the implications of your condition.

i believe you can sue for emotional damage, and stressful situations.

but if you don't wish to, or maybe you could talk to a lawyer that can inform you of how that works.

but, anyways, keep going don't give up, you're fighting the good battle with pride, don't lose faith now.

 

Thank you for your kind words. Lastly I add something else that I thought I would never in my wildest dreams ever experience. Here is a little more info of the test I had to have.



Ever endured intense pain that caused you to scream at the top of your lungs? I did today and on a scale of 1-10 I would say that was a 12! It was the most painful experience in my life. Ok, for all you people who are reading this you're thinking so what is the big deal? Let me tell ya and you'll be shocked by someone my age of 25 had to even endure something like that. Actually I'm going to paint you a picture. So I go to the puliminary department in the hospital and I'm seated in this glass inclosure where I have a series of breathing tests with a tube in my mouth and my nose clipped with a nose clip. I'm told to do different series of breathing tests like inhale and blow as hard as you can, then do that 4 more times and then hypervenilate. Well that caused me to gag, but after doing it again I was ok. This is nothing compared to what happpens next.

I was told to change into the hospital gown and then prepped for an ekg. Next I'm taken to another side of the room where my pulmonaligst, not a technician has a respiratory therpist and radiologist hold my hand and talk to me to keep me distracted from what she had to do. Here's the intense painful part of my event. My doctor inserted a thin tubing into my freakin artery, not vein like an iv,but the artery itself. Can you imagine how painful that was for me? I literally tensed and screamed out in a high pitch tone that everone in the waiting room heard. My arm was taped to the workstation table so there wouldn't be as much movement on my part and I had to control my breathing.

To make matters worse, my artery was not cooperating and was pulsating so it was more shocking to my system especially my nerves to have to be awake and suffer through this. She then threaded a medical sticture through my artery and had to sew it in there to keep it from pulling out. So while nearly breaking the nurses's hand that I was gripping, I then threw up most likely from the shock and pain. Fourty five minutes later, she finished that procedure and told me to get on a stationary bike to measure my oxygendation levels during rest and excerise. So I get on the bike with the bloody painful reminder that the needle and tubes were in the artery of my left arm, and pedal with an ekg wires on my chest, head gear on my head, and a tube in my mouth with my nose plugged. I pedal with all this stuff and during that time, my blood pressure was checked numerous times and a specialist comes in and draws my blood many times to check the levels while I pedal and try to remain between 60 and 65.

So on top of intense pain in my left arm, I'm feeling out of breath as the pressure increases. I was able to go for 6 minutes before I reached the climax or my max. I nearly passed out and had to rest for awhile. My doctor removed the thread and tubing from my artery and applied heavy pressure to keep it from bleeding. Finally I was able to get dressed after they heavily bandaged my left wrist where the line and tubes were in my artery. I then discovered I was there for 3 whole hours and left with a throbbing stinging left arm to where it hurts so bad to move it and so I had to type with my right hand for this journal entry to tell of my experience one where I hope no one ever has to experience this severity of pain and anguish.