Pain from the Past: An Iron Man fanfic

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Cat~, May 10, 2012.

  1. Cat~ Transformation

    May 1, 2009
    Alright, so after seeing the Avengers twice, I felt inspired to write something where Tony is a bit more vulnerable than we see him on screen in any of the movies. This was written a few days ago and I was just able to type it out today. The only real thing that is mentioned about the Avengers is that they fought Loki, so there's no need to worry about spoilers.

    Also, before you read this, know that I am NOT shipping Tony and Steve (Stony? Teve?) and this is all that will be written for this particular scenario (that doesn't mean that I won't try for more Stark fics though). It's more of a snippet than a fanfic, but yeah. Here you go.


    "Yes sir?"

    "What are the odds that I should've died by now?"


    "In fights, explosions, anything. What were the odds?"

    He lay stretched out on his bed, hands behind his head, and contemplated everything that had happened over the past year. In the cave, with the arc reactor, in Monaco, at the Stark Expo, fighting Loki… no matter how many people around him were put in danger he'd always survive. Some might call that a blessing but in reality, it was a curse that he'd have to bear for the rest of his life. As the numbers were projected on the glass wall, he wondered why. Why would he always come out on top? Why would anyone even care about an ass like himself? Why would the people closest to him always be put in some sort of danger? For some reason, he could only think about his flaws, his mistakes.


    He snapped his fingers and the image disappeared. He looked at the door and saw Rogers walking in, his hands in the pockets of his brown leather jacket.

    "You feeling alright? You haven't come out of here all day."

    "Yeah… I'm fine, Steve."

    His gaze shifted to the ceiling, afraid that his face might betray his already weak façade. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to worry about him. Cap sighed and turned to walk back out. He stopped right in front of the door and looked down for a moment.

    "You know, self-pity doesn't do any good for anyone. If you give up on yourself, how can anyone expect you to care about others?"

    Without another word, he walked out. Tony made sure that he was gone and sat up, knowing that he was right about this. He chuckled softly.

    Damn you, Rogers. Shouldn't we all get the chance to sulk every once in a while?

    He got up and walked out to the living room. He saw Steve smile slightly out of the corner of his eye but he just ignored it and headed straight for the bar.

    "First things first, nobody talks to me until I get a drink."

  2. Droid Hollow Bastion Committee

    Apr 19, 2011
    Good, because Captain is already married.


    Anyways this is very grand, nice writing and easy to ready, very good~
  3. Plums Wakanda Forever

    Aug 21, 2009
    That awkward moment you haven't seen the Avengers yet ;~;

    In any case, I thought this was good Cat :D

    Although it was short, you get a good feel of Stark's personality and his troubles, and he came across as pretty well rounded in my opinion (especially with the last line xD). And you also could tell the Cap and Tony were biffles through the dialogue, so that was also v. noice. o;
  4. Mish smiley day!

    Sep 30, 2006
    Nuke York.
    >also hasn't seen the Avengers yet .__.

    Nevertheless, this was pleasant and easy to read. Tony's feelings were expressed well, making it easy to sympathise with him. Good job!

    I can't really underline any areas for improvement, given that this is just a one-shot, so I look forward to seeing more work from you. (:
  5. Te Deum Hollow Bastion Committee

    Jan 25, 2011
    oh my God I remember seeing this walking in the parking garage XD

    Finally got a chance to read it all.

  6. Misty gimme kiss

    Sep 25, 2006
    Cisgender Female
    I have to echo the "it's short!" dealio, but if it is a bit of a one-shot that's no problem. Also, quality over quantity and all.

    I don't know much of the Avengers/Iron Man universe, I only saw half of Iron Man 2 and all of the Avengers, so I was a little confused by character names and such. That's not your fault, though, haha. But I do have a decent grasp of Stark's story and persona. I felt that your dialogue was strong, it felt natural, something I struggle a bit with, so kudos there! In terms of improvement, I think adding a bit more to the dialogue could help. Not in terms of what they're saying, but giving the reader some idea of how the character is reacting--what they're doing, signs of body language, etc. You did it here:
    The line here starts to feel more human--we can see him looking away, imagine the tone in his voice. Things like that give your story and your characters a bit more life. :] To borrow from this really underrated book that I'm sure none of you know I am in love with:
    From Jane's character, we know she would be likely to cloak her personal sufferings with her kindness and goodwill. However, the two words--the slightly coloring--give her away. We begin to suspect her. If she was being honest, why would she be blushing? Or even if she's being honest, is this uncomfortable for her to talk about still? Not only does it paint a physical picture for the reader, it allows the character to jump from the scene, and the reader to suspect them of something beyond their simple dialogue.

    So, to return to Stark lying a bit to cover his internal reflections--he looked away. Avoiding eye contact is a sign of a liar. You've got in that line--try adding it to more of your dialogue, in the future (where necessary).

    But overall, nice work! I love things about character's internal reflections, huurrrr, and the characters with the strong exteriors are fun to explore.
  7. tamale Ice to see you!

    Nov 19, 2010
    Cisgender Male
    The Realm of Sleep
    I haven't seen The Avengers yet, either, but I have seen Captain America and the first Iron Man. So, I wouldn't know too well about the interactions, but Steve and Tony are very in character—particularly Tony; I enjoy how human he seems in his actions, particularly because it's not shown enough in fanfiction—and their dynamic together is realistic. The story is short, but I'm not complaining; it expresses exactly what it needs to and wraps itself up neatly. Very nice job, Kitty! :3
  8. Loxare Hollow Bastion Committee

    Feb 6, 2009
    Flower Field
    Finally saw the Avengers, so I finally got to read this. Yay! ^-^

    Anyways, I personally liked it very much. Tony is usually such a confident person, it's good to know that even he has moments of weakness sometimes. No S&G errors to my knowledge (because I will always point those out), and even though it's short, you managed to develop the characters. Great job!