One Last Time

Discussion in 'Departure Hall' started by Plums, Aug 21, 2017.

  1. Plums Wakanda Forever

    Aug 21, 2009

    Today is my eight year anniversary on KH-Vids.

    A while back, during The Purge of 2016, I made a departure thread about how my leave was expedited by the events that happened over the course of that month. How I had been thinking about it for a few years at that point, and how I kept delaying it until I felt like it was okay if I left & I actually had a reason to leave.

    Last time was to fight for the members of the site, and stand against someone who only saw it as monthly check with no intent or ability to serve the site well. This time; in peace, and to take my next step for my future.

    Back when I first joined staff in 2011, I always told myself “I’ll do this until I graduate Uni,” and have remained adamant on that stance ever since. I had a sense that, at that point, I'll have probably figured out what I want to do, and wouldn't have time for the site anymore.

    Although I’ve never discussed it publicly before, my first two years of college were very trying. I was in an atmosphere on campus where I felt as though I was always tearing myself down, and with things not much better on the site around that time, it felt hopeless at some spots. I felt alone and invisible at school, that I could just up and disappear one day and none would be the wiser.

    As a result, I think I ended up throwing myself at KHV. Even though I knew tensions were high, that anything and everything were at each other's throats for a bitter while, it was one place were I felt like I could make a difference. A place where I could see the things I do get completed, get people involved and happy. I was trying to do more so I could feel proud that, at least in one place, I was on top of myself and the goals I set out to achieve.

    It continued like this through second year, to the point I practically resigned myself to being alone. But it was the start of my third year, where I found Uni to get better. I found groups of friends I really liked being around, I became more involved on campus, and I felt like I was finally where I wanted to be performance wise.

    I’m sure y’all noticed, but my activity from that point (Fall 2014) to now has been very sporadic. As much as I tried to be around regularly, I always ended up finding something else that made me happy, that made me want to reach out and experience more when I closed this screen. I thought about my first three years of staff, riddled with site drama. I thought of how, out of my eight years as a member here, six years of that was spent as a staff member; 75% of my membership here was with a red, purple, or blue name. I couldn't even remember what it was like to just log onto the site only because I wanted to and had free time On more than one occasion, I found myself thinking: why am I putting myself through this?

    The 2012 hack, the constant bitter tensions in the two years that followed, people acting weirdly mysterious and edgy? Although there were innumerable, terrific times I had on the site, every time new drama started, I found myself drifting back to the negatives that had come along with it. I thought of the people, the clubs, the place I found at school, and wondered why I wasn't throwing my all there, why I wasn't investing the little time I had left in Uni after two whole years were wasted?

    And yet, even then, I still tried to pick KHV. I remembered the late night MSN conversations with @Aura about bad drawings and Aizen looking like a chicken. The Al Pal convos with @Alex856, @Clear_so_you_can't_See, and @Spunk Ransom. Lounging around MSN with @Juicy. The silly staff chats Sabby started out of the blue, or the spontaneous group chats @What? or @Lulus_Moogle filled with 18 different members. I remembered the fun I had doing the User Awards the first time, of the progress in making a better atmosphere for the site when @DigitalAtlas and @Novalentine came to me about starting The Lounge. Even if there were times it felt like it wasn't worth it, there were so many more moments and pieces of my eight year history here that bring a smile to my face whenever I think back.

    I knew I was getting busier. I knew I wouldn't be able to commit after a certain point. But I wanted to hang on, to try and see if I could make it.

    Coming into last summer, I told myself that I would try and put in another two years before hanging up the blue, to make up for the times I wasn’t around. I told @Sabby just as much when she asked why I was still on KHV. Sitting where I am now though, I can't commit to that idea anymore.

    I’m going to start attending graduate school next Tuesday, and then eventually go for a doctorate in psychology in hopes of opening my own, affordable inner city private practice for populations of people that need it. I have friends back at my previous Uni, who graduate this year, and want to spend as much time with them as I can. I’ve got family and friends I haven’t really spent time with liked I used to, and a lot to catch up on. I'm seeing someone, and we're going to be seeing each other again after four months apart. I have jobs I want to get, places I want to go, people I want to meet -- so much of the world is open to me now.

    And sometimes, you have to know when to leave things you love in the past, and allow yourself the chance to love the things that follow.

    I love KH-Vids. I loved it since I first joined that fateful August 21st, with the wide-eyed, inexperienced enthusiasm of someone new to the Internet. This site has watched me and stood by me as I grew up. You were there with me from being that slightly out of sorts 15 year old to now, the 23 year old, more confident, more self assured...admittedly less patient and ready to be petty, but that’s beside the point. :b

    Being on staff the past six years has been an experience I couldn’t imagine being without. Even though the team has drastically changed through the years, and there were really intense times, I have the utmost respect for everyone I worked with. From that quiet summer of 2011 as a fresh Sectional Mod all the way to now as an Admin.

    All of you have put passion, effort, and love into the things you did, and getting to know you all throughout the years has been a privilege. I know not all of you are on the site anymore. I know not all of you may come back to the site anymore. But I really, really want to thank you for everything you did for me and for this site. Y’all are like that weird family that I never dreamed I’d have, but ended up having, and I would never wish any of that away.

    Looking over my years on the site, I’ve met so many great people, and admittedly, some people that I really don’t want to think about or see again after this thread. I've made mistakes as a staff member, as we're all wont to do. I've taken long to respond to inquiries at times, and even slower to keep up to date with projects at others. The decisions I've made and experiences I've had, both good and bad, have shaped me in some way or form. Just like all of you have. Whether we talked all night, whether we talk now or haven’t talked in years, all of that has left a mark on me.

    I'm torn on whether to do shout outs or not, since I did them in the last thread and repeating 'em is a liiiiil awkward. Instead of doing individual ones, I think I will just say, to every member on KH-Vids I've talked to or seen around:

    Thank you, for everything. These last eight years have been an unforgettable ride of ups and downs, of frustration, arguments, but also of laughter, and camaraderie. But at the end of it all, you guys were people I was around practically every single day for nearly a decade. All of you helped get me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t be the person I am now without KH-Vids.

    I don't know what positive or negative effects I've had on your time here, or if anything I did really contributed to you at all. There were times where I did my best, and others where I fell short of that. But at the very end, all I truly hope for is that this site means to you what it has meant to me.

    A ridiculous number of you already have me on social media, but here’s my tumblr and my Twitter if you ever wanna get in touch. Last time I said I would hopefully still be around, but truthfully: I don't think I will. Outside a couple sporadic appearances every now and then (and the obligatory "THIS IS REAL AND I AM CRYING" post when KH3 drops), after today, I think this will be the end of the rope for me here on KH-Vids.

    I'm likely going to leave the Discord chat for a bit after this week, until I get re-assimilated into school. I'll probably join back later on, but I guess we'll see where that shoe lands when it does.

    It’s been one of the wildest rides of my life y'all, and I’ll remember every single moment.

    Stay fresh,
  2. Fearless A good and beautiful child

    Dec 17, 2006
    lmao idk
    There are so many things I want to say to you, but every time I try to put it into words, I just fall flat. They can't describe what a good friend you are, and how much you mean to both me and the site, and I won't say them, knowing that they can't encompass everything they need to.

    I know we haven't talked so much lately, but I still consider you one of my closest friends. I don't even remember why we started talking back then, but I'm glad we did. I know this isn't really goodbye forever, but I'll still miss you around the site. It's gonna be weird not seeing your name in colors anymore. But like I said in the staff thread, I know you and I know you've been thinking about this for a long time. And I support your decisions, because what you're trying to do is so important, and it's your dream. You're almost there, and I know you can do it!


    PS: We finally did it! We made it to staff at the same time!
  3. tamale Ice to see you!

    Nov 19, 2010
    Cisgender Male
    The Realm of Sleep
    I would like to take this opportunity to announce that as Plums is stepping down and not running for Admin, I will be stepping down as a Sectional Moderator so that I can run for Admin--

    KHV isn't gonna be the same without you, buddy. I'm gonna miss seeing you around here, and I'll miss your staff expertise, too. Thanks for everything you've done for the site and for the community, and for being a stand-up guy and great friend.
  4. Calxiyn Keyblade Master

    Jun 6, 2012
    Cisgender Female
    I'll never forget when I could reporter, that you said something along the lines of "I'm so sorry to inform you that you've gotten onto the Staff Team", making my heart stop for a minute while making it race for the rest of the time I was a reporter.

    I'll never forget that no matter what kind of job I get, no one will ever tell me I got it like you. And you were my reference for my new job and I'm convinced without that I wouldn't have gotten it. I hoped that when Misty left you (and Nick) would never leave but everyone has their time. I hope when school settles we'll still see you around even if you're not in blue anymore.
  5. Lauriam I hope I didn't keep you waiting...

    Jun 4, 2009
    Nonbinary She/He
    Daybreak Town
    This is so sad and I'm actually crying. :( But I just want to say that what you're hoping to accomplish is an amazing and incredibly worthwhile thing to do with your life and I wish you the best! I know you and I haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other the way you've gotten to know some of the others, but you've been such an integral part of this site for as long as I've been here and it's just not going to be the same without you. I'm going to miss seeing you around, Plums! Take care of yourself, and may you succeed in everything you set your mind to! I know you can do a lot of good for the people out there, and I'm so glad to have known you.
  6. DigitalAtlas Don't wake me from the dream.

    Oct 1, 2006
    Blossom City
    The first time we ever interacted, we fought. The second time, we spent New Years in a group chat together.

    You've really always been here and while you and I have very rarely had a one on one, let alone talked regularly, we've always been in proximity and you've always been someone I could trust and look to with confidence.

    Thank you, for everything.


    Edit: One more thing? It's been really nice having you suddenly active in the discord so, really, don't feel you have to leave it to put distance between you, the job, and the site. Every one needs a nice place to talk about video games.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  7. Mish smiley day!

    Sep 30, 2006
    Nuke York.
    Just wanted to echo this. You can have an irl life and you can still participate in this here online community. Obviously we can expect that you'll have quiet spells when you have deadlines to meet and whatnot but we'll always be here when you have fewer things to do in your work, study and social life.

    What I'm trying to say is -- you will never fully leave.
    ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  8. Yozora Archer

    Feb 14, 2007
    female king arthur
    with taiga, eating rice and ****
    I remember when you complimented my Persona 5 Queen avatar. I'll never forget that moment.

    I'll see you over at the discord server m8.

    (i'll be waiting for you here tho)