Oda's Songs

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics' started by Odamadillo, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    I write alot of songs here is a few of my current pieces Any Crits are welcome

    A Darkened Spirit

    This world is full of sorrow
    Endlessly calling out for tomorrow
    Everyone forced to suffer each day
    Pain is here to perminatly stay
    Why must the darkness spread?
    Every soul ends up dead

    This world has a shadowed side
    This is a fact no one can hide
    We all have a blind goal
    And an eternal soul
    Acting as we see fit
    Recieving a Darkened spirit

    Many souls are beyond hope
    How can we cope?
    An unwanted reality
    How can this be?
    When will the light arrive?
    Why must we survive?

    This world has a shadowed side
    This is a fact no one can hide
    We all have a blind goal
    And an eternal soul
    Acting as we see fit
    Recieving a darkened spirit

    Why is this world so dark?
    Endlessy fearing it like a shark
    Will the door open wide?
    And stop hiding the dark inside
    Give us some light to go on in life
    Waiting for death's syythe
    Acting like time has split
    With a darkened spirit

    Emotionaly blind

    In this world everyone feels pain
    Some live, some die its easy to explain
    Time passes by faster than you know
    And there are people who want to go
    But many suffer in silent ways
    And this thought always stays

    This world has shown me
    Things I don't want to see
    Seeing the worst of mankind
    Its making me emotionally blind
    Never let sorrow get the best of you
    Focus on whats good and true

    When you see someone in need
    You walk away with your own greed
    What would you do?
    If it was you?
    So don't turn away form the poor
    Or you will feel a sorrow you can't ignore

    This world has shown me
    Things I don't want to see
    Seeing the worst of mankind
    Its making me emotionally blind
    Never let sorrow get the best of you
    Focus on whats good and true

    When you have seen what I've been forced to see
    You will end up like me
    In this world you never know what you can find
    Anything can turn you emotionly blind
    so do something to help those in need
    And throw away your greed
    Use your heart not your mind
    Don't become emotionally blind

    Eternal regret

    I remember those days we spent together
    Back when I acted clever
    When we smiled everyday
    There is still so much I want to say
    My heart became so weak
    To me you were unique

    Until that day you said enough of this
    On the day one year after our first kiss
    My heart was broken worse than ever before
    I thought our love was to pure
    You walked away leaving me soaking wet
    With an eternal regret

    I have never cried since that day
    But my love for you never went away
    So why can't you see?
    without you there is no me
    I was dazled by your beutiful smile
    I wanted to take you up the aile

    Until that day you said enough of this
    On the day one year after our first kiss
    My heart was broken worse than ever before
    I thought our love was to pure
    You walked away leaving me soaking wet
    With an eternal regret

    Come back to me please my dear
    Since you left I haven't shed a tear
    you have made me so weak hearted
    I've felt like this since you parted
    My love for you keeps my heart beating
    My heart was never this weak before our meeting
    As time goes on my heart grows weaker yet
    Letting you go is my eternal regret

    Loyal

    We all start with our emotions out clear
    But for some they are buried by fear
    One day yours could be free
    But the future is what you can't see
    All it takes is a dark plan
    To cause what anyone can

    People start of as friends
    But thats not always how it ends
    Emotions get buried away
    To a place they must stay
    Why throw that unwanted soil?
    Is anyone really loyal?

    If you are told a secret by a friend
    And spread it around before the days end
    That starts burying your friend's emtions away
    Emotions could be gone in a day
    But for some they can think of the good things past
    To try and make their emotions last

    People start of as friends
    But thats not always how it ends
    Emotions get buried away
    To a place they must stay
    Why throw that unwanted soil?
    Is anyone really loyal?

    They hide them in things they make
    Acting like a emotionless fake
    But each creation shows a feeling deep within
    Until thrown away into a bin
    To the truth you could be blind
    Or just don't want to know deep within your mind
    A life is easy to foil
    Is anyone really loyal?

    Weak hearted

    I have a long story to tell
    A story where the strong fell
    Why did this happen to me
    This is the start of my story
    They took me down like a fool
    They used me like a tool

    The way I have been treated in the past
    My strength left me so fast
    It made me so weak hearted
    Where my strength parted
    How did I cope?
    Losing all my hope

    I began to defend harshly to all
    Even those who chose to call
    I got at everyone near
    And created my own fear
    Why did I turn this way?
    I hate myself thats what I say

    The way I have been treated in the past
    My strength left me so fast
    It made me so weak hearted
    Where my strength parted
    How did I cope?
    Losing all my hope

    They all played their hand
    And my sorrow was their demand
    I was turned into a guy with no cares
    Where everyone stares
    Time made it worse
    A scene I can't Reverse
    I got weak hearted
    My strength parted
    This is what you started
     
  2. ♥ Momo ♥ Traverse Town Homebody

    15
    115
    It's nice :] Keep up the good work
     
  3. Vexen_Is_God Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Location:
    In a red box...with Zexion.
    24
    389
    Nice, deep lyricks indeed! You rhyme very well. Try to vary the structure of your songs abit, as you tend to use the same petterns over and over.
     
  4. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    Here is a new song with a different rhyme scheme enjoy

    Be yourself

    Wow wow wow yeah
    I have something to say
    so listen and listen good
    Its time to face your judgement day
    The choice is your to make
    so remember to listen to your heart and mind
    Look deep in your heart and soul
    and your identity is what you'll find

    So stop acting like someone else
    and just be yourself
    Uncover your face
    and put that mask on a shelf
    when someone asks you " who are you?"
    the answer should me clear
    that you are who you are ment to be
    and a person without fear

    Step out of the shadows left by your past
    and focus on the here and now
    Leave that opain behind
    Its simple to know how
    You shouldn't let anyone change you
    No matter how many times they try
    Never turn away from who you are
    Never let them make you cry

    So stop acting like someone else
    and just be yourself
    Uncover your face
    and put that mask on a shelf
    when someone asks you " who are you?"
    the answer should me clear
    that you are who you are ment to be
    and a person without fear

    Sheild yourself from their evil ways
    and remain as you are
    Never do what they want you to
    Remain the same and you will go far
    Don't throw away your friends
    or lose track of your identity
    They accept you as you are
    and will help you live happy and free

    So stop acting like someone else
    and just be yourself
    Uncover your face
    and put that mask on a shelf
    when someone asks you " who are you?"
    the answer should me clear
    that you are who you are ment to be
    and a person without fear

    So don't be what your not
    Be as you were born to be
    Stand tall and live as destiny fortold
    Listen to me and be happy
    Life doesn't have to be a nightmare
    It can just be insane
    Its up to you to decide
    don't let your tears drip down a drain

    So stop acting like someone else
    and just be yourself
    Uncover your face
    and put that mask on a shelf
    when someone asks you " who are you?"
    the answer should me clear
    that you are who you are ment to be
    and a person without fear

    So unmask your face
    don't scream out in shame
    Stand tall as yourself
    Life is like a game
    if you don't take your chance
    You can never win
    Life is full of risks
    Kill your demons within

    Just be yourself
    Throw your shame away
    Don't be no one
    But Yourself
    So just be
    just be yourself
    Everyone wants you
    to be
    You
    So be Yourself
     
  5. Vexen_Is_God Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Location:
    In a red box...with Zexion.
    24
    389
    I love this new lyrick! So true so real so savvy. <3 I hope this gets made into an actual song and put on a video site or musick site. I'd love to hear it. Sounds like it'd be very snappy and upbeat.
     
  6. Zeonark Hollow Bastion Committee

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Location:
    Trolling Shizu-chan
    84
    710
    Pretty cool songs my friend.

    Did you play music with these?

    I personally liked Loyal.
     
  7. Dinny I am Anime ( ⚈้̤͡ ◡ ⚈้̤͡ )

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2007
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Gotham City
    1,367
    I'm inlove with these lyrics... x]

    They're totally awesome, so meaningful... I like the newest one ya posted best >w<
    Great job~ =D

    Yes, we'd love to hear this x3
     
  8. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    Here are some more songs

    Forgotten Name

    As the sun rises and I awake
    Theres a story I long to remake
    I long for the day I remember it all
    The day I can stand tall
    Why did this happen to me
    I workd hard as can be

    I used to know who I am
    Back when I wasn't a sham
    I live in shame
    Over my forgotten name
    Please bring back my past
    So I can rest at last

    My life was going great
    Till I toyed with fate
    Now my mind has a gap
    Hidden under my cap
    Bring back my memory
    And set my soul free

    I used to know who I am
    Back when I wasn't a sham
    I live in shame
    Over my forgotten name
    Please bring back my past
    So I can rest at last

    My mind is Endlessy blank
    And I know not who to thank
    I wish the paper would fill
    So I can finaly pay the bill
    Please let me be whole
    That is my goal
    I know I sound lame
    Tell me my Forgotten name

    Unwanted Presence

    I live in a place
    Where no one cares for the human race
    They go by not caring at all
    When no one will call
    No matter where I go
    I get thrown away by those I know

    Why do I bother coming along
    When its clear I don't belong
    I live in a blind sorrow
    Should I come back tommorrow?
    I am just an Unwated presence
    Why don't I use common sense?

    I will always be cast away
    Why do I bother to stay
    I get treated like a tool
    I am always a fool
    I should just leave right now
    But its like I don't know how

    Why do I bother coming along
    When its clear I don't belong
    I live in a blind sorrow
    Should I come back tommorrow?
    I am just an Unwated presence
    Why don't I use common sense?

    I am the one no one invites along
    And Treated like a mong
    I do not deserve to be here in your eyes
    And all I say is treated like lies
    Cast me away because I know you will
    Used as a joke till you've had your fill
    Why do I end up in suspence
    Because I am an unwanted presence

    Sea of blood

    Every time eyes close they never open again
    Denying this would be insane
    Endlessy wondering how long is left for me
    Pain anyone can have or see
    A world of danger and chaos for all
    Never being allowed to fall

    Everyday spilling more blood than anyone should
    Always swimming in a sea of blood
    Hunted everywhere I've stepped
    This is a sorrow I've kept
    Hatred of me spreads everywhere
    Why doesn't anyone care

    A monster in the world's eyes
    The stories about me are always lies
    Everyone wants me dead
    Many times failing to fall on my deathbed
    Life is for me to ignore never standing tall
    I want to fall

    Everyday spilling more blood than anyone should
    Always swimming in a sea of blood
    Hunted everywhere I've stepped
    This is a sorrow I've kept
    Hatred of me spreads everywhere
    Why doesn't anyone care

    All the time I want to die
    And I will never cry
    Everytime I try to die it ends in failure
    Death is what I want for sure
    I always survive
    I don't want to stay alive
    I am hated more than anyone could
    Swimimming in a sea of blood
    What is left to say
    Please let me die today
    And top this sea
    Of Blood
    Its not good

    Silent Dreamer

    This world is so loud
    And full of those Proud
    But all dream louder than a lions roar
    This is something no one can ignore
    Thankfully there is a silent place
    And someone we all Chase

    For the one we all dislike
    Riding a hate me bike
    Because he is a silent Dreamer
    Maing us all an evil schemer
    Silence fills his home
    Where noise can't roam

    Let the world follow his path
    Lets all do the math
    Over time the worlld will be at peace
    If the noise will cease
    Or will we all lose our ability to hear
    Which is his worst Fear

    For the one we all dislike
    Riding a hate me bike
    Because he is a silent Dreamer
    Maing us all an evil schemer
    Silence fills his home
    Where noise can't roam

    Join him or hate him
    Don't let peace be so dim
    And I tell you this beacuse
    I do not want your applause
    I dislike to much noise
    Only to the limit everyone enjoys
    I hate the screamer
    I am the silent Dreamer
     
  9. Vexen_Is_God Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Location:
    In a red box...with Zexion.
    24
    389
    LOVE!

    I love how your lyricks are straightforward and simple yet convey so much emotion. I really love Sea Of Blood, man. Great job! Keep it up.

    You should get someone to do the musick for you.
     
  10. Zexion King's Apprentice

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Grey Area
    9
    483
    whoa-whoa-whoa..
    pretty cool man..
    i like the "Eternal Regret" and "Silent Dreamer"
    can i have the lyrics..?

    Cool..
    thanks again pal'^^
     
  11. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    Two new songs

    Lonely kid

    I can't believe this has happened
    I've been left alone
    And no ones there
    To hear me wisper and moan
    So will someone
    Come to me
    I can't wait
    To know who it will be

    So will someone please
    Come and let me
    Have some fun
    And speak freely
    Cause I'm a
    Lonely kid
    And this is a fact
    That can't be hid

    Will someone please
    Come to me
    I need to have fun
    Its clear as can be
    I can't bear this
    Silent chat
    So someone please
    Come here you can give me that

    So will someone please
    Come and let me
    Have some fun
    And speak freely
    Cause I'm a
    Lonely kid
    And this is a fact
    That can't be hid

    I can't bear to be alone
    And I always am left behind
    Freedom and friends
    Are hard to find
    So I beg of you
    Free me from this pain
    And let my friends
    come here and always remain
    So stop keeping it hid
    Cause I'm a Lonely Kid
    Just a lonely kid

    Untold

    We are here now
    To explore the past
    But will the things we find
    Gives us answers at last
    I'm nothing much
    Just someone
    Whit alot of questions
    But the answers are gone

    We are looking
    Into the past
    but our searches
    End so fast
    We have a story
    That has been left untold
    We don't know
    If its is really old

    Well the story of us
    End in the same way?
    We will never know
    Till our dieing day
    So will our live forever
    Or has it got the same fate
    As the one we are looking for
    For these answers we can't wait

    We are looking
    Into the past
    but our searches
    End so fast
    We have a story
    That has been left untold
    We don't know
    If its is really old

    I'm unsure what we will see
    Or what we will learn
    But soon we will know
    What our testing will return
    So be aware
    We are near the end
    But succes is something
    Which we can't comprehend

    So its Untold
    Is it old
    Will it remain
    Untold
     
  12. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    I asked if I could before I made this post and was told I could so here enjoy some new songs by me
    I think I'll start with a parody song I wrote after I heard that Card games on motorcycles joke while being Rickrolled
    Card games on motorcycles

    We're no strangers to duels
    You know the rules and so do I
    A true challenge is what I'm thinking off
    You would get this from every guy

    I just wanna show you
    How I play my duels

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    We've been dueling for so long
    Your legs are stone
    But we can fix that
    Card games on motorcycles
    We know the game and we're gonna play it

    And if you duel me any time at all
    Don't tell me to stand still

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    Give it up, give it up
    Give it up, give it up
    Never gonna stop,
    Never gonna stop, give it up
    Never gonna stop,
    Never gonna stop, give it up
    Never gonna stop,
    Never gonna stop, give it up
    Never gonna stop,
    Never gonna stop, give it up


    I just wanna duel you
    with friction on my face

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    Never gonna give it up
    Never gonna let them down
    Never gonna stand around and duel you
    Never not gonna make you cry
    Never play standing still
    Card games on motorcycles always WILL!

    Second up I wrote about a group of my other friends (Be nice to me and You may get a mention in one of my future lyrics)
    Don't forget me

    Listen up or rather read clearly
    This is a new lyric by me
    I have stood strong
    Creating a new song
    I used to be an emo fool
    I even started to act cruel
    But despite that fact
    I have found what I lacked

    So I'm asking no telling you
    That stupidity is through
    I can't prove my words are real
    And I can't know how you feel
    But I can simply state this
    I have family I won't dismiss
    Time has flown by fast and free
    Please Don't forget me

    I am ODA Indeed
    But I ignored my own Plead
    "Rewrite your main few"
    I now know I needed to
    I've given them all a new life
    I have abandoned all their old strife
    But some things remain
    Their hands still bear that blood stain

    Oda's words are as below
    "I'm a guy no one will know"
    Minerat will say this
    "I'm a guy no one will miss"
    Orgat will change belief
    "I will kill Mankind's thief"
    As for mine here you see
    Please Don't forget me

    My thought will now flow
    To the new family I know
    There is the Faithful one at lead
    A warrior who no one can exceed
    The one who uses the flowing red
    The controller of the dead
    A killer from the north or south
    And the next verse is from their mouth

    Hmm forced to speak yet again
    In my life he is just a pain
    I have failed to protect many before
    Yet you said there is no one you can count on more
    Why did you ask me to protect
    No matter if I object
    The last things heard when his soul was set free
    "Crimson pal Don't forget me"

    Next up we have the walking shield
    Though once we have shared a battlefield
    I still don't know much about their past
    We became friends very fast
    A new world traveled every day
    A dimension hero in every way
    Always making the right choice
    Now listen to their voice

    I prefer to keep my distance
    But he would never let me have that chance
    He has never made his intentions clear
    But I always knew when he was near
    He could have betrayed me many times
    And he would even had committed crimes
    Though three words were always a guarantee
    They were "Don't forget me"

    Next up is someone I've failed before
    I was once the one to ignore
    The Guy to be hated
    Was this fated
    But that didn't last long
    And our friendship is now strong
    We may be of similar age
    It is time for them to take the stage

    I once battle with and against him
    And I have often thought his wits were dim
    I once thought He I could overcome
    But in time that thought was dumb
    He called me his honorable friend
    And his help he would always lend
    His last words was more than three
    "Crystal buddy Don't forget me"

    Well that is three down three to go
    And those three may not know
    The one I try to protect is number four
    But I don't think my protection is needed anymore
    Many are there to lend a hand
    And each of them will make a stand
    But I will still have their back
    Hoping they stay on the right track
    Now it is time for them to go
    There the next singer of this show

    I was once young and seen as weak
    That diagnosis was bleak
    Yet so few believed it was right
    I even took part in a fight
    He lent me a helping hand
    Then chose to no longer take a stand
    Then he simply said "Little buddy
    Please don't forget me"

    That is four two people are left to do
    And I am wondering if you know it is you
    Anyhow now on the the saved life
    The assassin with the deathly knife
    That's right I see you as family
    I doubt you feel the same way about me
    Though I can say that I don't care
    But it is your time to step up there

    I once gave my respect and even looked up to you
    But those days soon were through
    You changed into a emo a stupid fool
    You became a complete moronic tool
    I won't ever count on you to change
    With every return you become more strange
    I've accepted who you became to be
    But still you said "Don't forget me"

    One person left to speak
    And they are the Godly freak
    Yeah that's right I mean you
    Your in my family too
    The white materia named one
    The person with all their sanity gone
    The one who would scare a hawk
    Living oblivion time to talk

    Haha the Mr Prideful Number two
    I can't believe this came from you
    I always make the impossible
    And I can say my work is never dull
    Yet you always seem to stay away
    You only joined one to this day
    And you vanished very quickly
    And said "Don't forget me"

    That was some of my family
    There is more people to see
    I don't know what they would say
    There are more than those mentioned today
    There is even a twin for myself left out
    But you better not cry or shout
    I shall soon give you a mention
    So I hope I have your attention

    There is my prideful twin
    And the Cat with the weird grin
    The rugby player who's seen my face
    And there creator of this place
    The one who would always back down
    Lets not forget the one who once wore the A Crown
    The Aussie fool I dragged into a dispute
    Those clues may not compute

    That leaves me with this to say
    That is all my family to this day
    Knowing my clue about you is quite likely
    But please Don't forget me

    And finally the lyric I am most proud of since It came from my heart here enjoy(I actually have a tune in mind for this one)
    My heart is talking

    I've been walking alone
    Down a long street
    Not knowing where it goes
    Or if I can rest my feet
    I've passed many towns along the way
    Never finding a place to stay
    The people I meet
    Tell me to walk away

    I know my heart is talking
    But I can't hear a word
    When I look for help
    I sound completely absurd
    Every time I walk away
    The words stay the same
    Am I part of
    An endless game

    I have walked so far
    Without a clue
    Of where I'm going
    Wanting to start anew
    Though I've walked so far
    The end never gets any nearer
    Will my heart's words
    Ever get any clearer?

    My heart is talking
    In a silent Voice
    I often wonder if
    Walking away is the right choice
    When I walk away
    My heart is broken
    And the words
    Are once again spoken

    Every time I make new friends
    They tell me to walk away
    They always tell me
    I've got no reason to stay
    Why is my heart
    Always torn apart
    I try so hard
    But fail to be smart

    My heart is talking
    Without making a sound
    It's like on in a cycle
    Being thrown around and around
    I never knew
    How hard it could be
    Till everyone I knew
    Turned their back on me

    I tried so hard
    To understand
    My heart's words
    Without a helping hand
    I try each time
    Only to fail
    Now my life tastes
    Bitter and stale

    My Heart is talking
    So Quietly
    But it only speaks
    When I'm so unhappy
    Leaving me to wonder
    Within a deep despair
    My broken heart suffers each day
    Is this really fair?

    My feet have walked
    A million steps over and over again
    While my heart suffers
    A never ending pain
    Everyone turns away from me
    Eventually
    Has the cursed devil
    Set his sights on me?

    My heart is talking
    But I can't hear it speak
    It's always so low
    A voice that is very weak
    A great darkness
    Fills my mind
    An answer
    Is what I must find

    Every town I reach
    Turn their backs on me
    But listen to a
    Bitter Irony
    I've never
    Turned away
    I'm still your friend
    To this very day

    Cause I know
    My heart is talking
    But I can't
    Hear a single thing
    The words are lower
    Than a whisper far away
    I want to hear
    What my heart has to say
    I know my heart is
    Talking
     
  13. Technic☆Kitty User Is Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    1,298
    Interesting works. At one point in reading through I thought I was getting rick rolled, but I got duel tolled instead lol

    Your rhyming methods and format are interesting. You should keep writing, hope to hear more soon ^_^
     
  14. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    Well I will post up some more in time but I just had to write this.
    It is a tribute kind of thing for a character I respect yet the title already would show that.
    The hero I respect

    These words aren't very clear
    But I've a story to tell here
    The story of a hero so true
    Though he may be hated by you
    Now I'll start to tell his tale
    Which started when the air went stale
    A war was raging in which someone was lost
    And the poor boy paid a heartbreaking cost

    But a familiar voice called out to him
    And his future seemed less dim
    He turned away from all he knew
    Following the path he thought was true
    He doubted the highest command
    And he claimed records by hand
    Training by night through his precious object
    That was the first step to becoming The hero I respect

    Over time his old home snatched from within
    But yet he already knew this was comin'
    He was emotionally prepared
    Not once did he feel scared
    Trained to act within the shade
    He continued on the path he made
    Until the day command was given away
    And a new mission was given that day

    He formed a new group
    Using soldier from an old troop
    The soldier from beneath the earth
    Soon did they prove their worth
    One future day changed his way
    The child of command was met that day
    Thus introduced before a bang effect
    There was the hero I respect

    Over time he helped in her cause
    And evil's antics he helped pause
    Many time did he and the main
    cause each other a bit of pain
    Always to be stopped by the reason
    He even once was accused of treason
    And on the night before the reclaim
    His actions from then on were not the same

    A new order formed from the victory
    He took action upon this opportunity
    A simple tamper worked quite well
    But still his secret he chose not to tell
    Yet he still had the same belief
    And would give the power to his chief
    The one who spoke though the object
    Was free now thanks to the Hero I respect

    In time his group all grew old
    And he did as Command told
    He gathered a brand new crew
    Who each had a dark secret too
    They trained together as a team
    But was things really as the seem
    Command tasked with finding the young child
    And wife lost upon the island drifting so wild

    This task was done quite well
    And he had a good story to tell
    Yet a new evil came to take his home
    And an ally could no longer roam
    His team had been lost
    And his hope was the cost
    His heart chose marriage at the point of a vile object
    He is the married hero I respect

    In time the two lived free
    And they were happy as can be
    Many missions did they complete
    And always were they discreet
    Until one day he failed to hear
    From the girl he held dear
    He searched but she was gone
    Leaving him to restore his mighty one

    His master took command by people's will
    And that day did his heart fill
    Yet sanity left his master's mind
    and then the truth he did find
    So he planed to betray
    But he failed that day
    An vile mind chose to infect
    The body of the hero I respect

    So I do not expect
    You all to name the hero I respect
    But if you can I will say
    I will defer to you this day.
     
  15. Technic☆Kitty User Is Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    1,298
    I must say this was an excellent poem, however. In this line above, the word "comin'" just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of poem. It sort of breaks the combo meter if you catch my drift. There is a simple way to fix it though . . .

    In this way the flow is corrected and the same point comes across. However, this is your work after all and should you choose to leave it the same I would still like the poem. Just some friendly advice from your neighborhood . . . um . . . friend. ^.^
     
  16. nasirrich King's Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    I'll end you on the spot so watch your six
    172
    405
    Damn if we got this person to do a song with us Nights it would be pretty sick.

    Also here I've noticed this a lot in your style

    My heart is talking
    In a silent Voice
    I often wonder if
    Walking away is the right choice
    When I walk away
    My heart is broken
    And the words
    Are once again spoken

    Every time I make new friends
    They tell me to walk away
    They always tell me
    I've got no reason to stay
    Why is my heart
    Always torn apart
    I try so hard
    But fail to be smart

    Like where you say
    In a silent voice
    I often wonder if
    Walking away is the right choice

    Why not just combine why not combine I often wonder if walking away is the right choice
    I do see where the flow was going but its kinda like a break or pause in the middle of the actual bar itself
    Nothing wrong if you like to do that just thought I could throw something out there.
     
  17. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    Nasirich Nights and I are friends and if you wanted my help with writing a song I'd gladly assist.
    And as for My heart is talking
    When I wrote that I had the feeling I didn't know where I belonged.
    And the friends I make notice I'm not happy where I am and tell me to go and find the place I will be happy.
    Think about that when reading it and maybe you will understand it.

    As for the way I set it up, my intention was to set it like a song and put a breathing gap mid sentance kind of thing. On the example you used my original set up was
    "I often Wonder, if walking away is the right choice"
    By doing it the way I have it makes the lyrics appear longer when in reality it would be equal to about a two minute song.
     
  18. nasirrich King's Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    I'll end you on the spot so watch your six
    172
    405
    Ok ok I feel you on that and its not really writing a song. Its just dumping in hard verses into a single song. So it is helping writing, but its just your part.

    I still did enjoy both of your crazy songs good job
     
  19. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here, there and everywhere.
    729
    256
    A group I call my friends

    I now have more people to talk about
    Yet I don't need to shout
    because they can hear me
    The know who they might be
    There is so many to say
    But I guess I'll start with Jay
    Mr Yuki yes it is you
    You are the one who got me back It's true

    Are you my best friend? That depends
    But I will say your parts of A group I call my friends
    Fearless is the next in line
    And Rex who has moved on fine.
    Then we have Little Joe and Mr Red
    So many more friends who will stay in my head
    Next up is easy to tell
    Terra, Fred and of course Reinzel

    All found through the arena of yu gi oh
    But now on to the show
    I met the the other guy with a poetic mind
    Nights is a friend I didn't expect to find
    For the first time in history
    Someone who thinks just like me
    Next I met through him is Nas
    But the rapper soon showed his class

    A hand of friendship I chose to extend
    Your in a group I call my friends
    I have mentioned so many here but I'm not done
    The is next the Timely Heroic one
    that is right I mean you
    And there is Cloud too
    Of course I can't forget that Mr annoying
    Star the guy who drove me to sing

    If I failed to mention you time
    Maybe you will get better luck next rhyme
    For I have no more time to spend
    Welcome to a group I call my friends
     
  20. Technic☆Kitty User Is Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    1,298
    Nice piece. Great shout out to your friends. Thanks. And you missed an "a" in the last verse "filed" should be "failed"

    But good work, can't wait to hear more.