need a crash course on conversation skills

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by 61, Aug 23, 2015.

  1. 61 No. B

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2011
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    okay kinda need feeback on this asap bc i feel like there's a small window on two budding friendships that could close immediately if the next conversation i have with them isn't somewhat worthwhile

    okay so i posted in the spam zone about these two people i met and talked with and kind of hit it off with but that's just the initial meet. what do i do next? how do i talk to them? what type of things do i talk about? how do i keep things interesting? when do i know to stop talking? how do i handle a silent moment? help im kind of panicking this is where it's always gone wrong for me before -- potential friendship never evolves past small talk and they end up being nothing more than a acquaintance from my past. and i dont want that bc i really really like these two people and have so much in common with both of them in different ways.

    im gonna look up stuff on my own of course because i don't come to a children's video game and anime forum expecting conversational relationship and human interaction prowess but i know there's a few of you out there probably carrying around some nugget of wisdom.
     
  2. Hayabusa Venomous

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    The best thing I've learned from interacting with people in various groups is to not force things. You can't hold a good conversation about something you're not actually interested or knowledgeable in, so just acknowledge if it's not a subject you're good with, like "I don't know much about that" or "I don't really have interest in that, sorry." It might get awkward if you have to keep saying that stuff, but it's better to be honest about it. You won't jive well with everyone on everything.

    Friends are people you can naturally flow with. Acquaintances and co-workers and such are ones you have to be more regulated with. People you meet will generally fall into one or the other category, and you have to be prepared for that. Not everyone will share your interest in, say, which presidential candidate has the best policies for the country or which Gundam series is trash.

    Don't feel obligated to spend time with people you don't actually enjoy recreational stuff with. I've let go of some friendships because I look back and realized that I just wanted to get those periods of time over with. I was doing things I didn't care about.

    Easy ice breakers of conversation are things like the news (you don't need to know everything that happened, just the gist of some major daily or weekly events), classwork (you are not the only one panicking, and it's important to know that), the weather (good entry point for discussing places of origin if you or your "opponent" are either from the surroundings or traveled there), entertainment news (be it movies, television, literature, music, video games, etc.), and fashion (like clothes or hair, if you care about either.)

    If you come to a disagreement, be respectful and don't be evocative. Honestly, some of the interactions between you and me have hit me with the idea that you are like that (which is not new to me, I have a friend who's like that too), so you ought to tone it down a bit in person at least until you know the person better. But if they're the ones provoking you and they don't ease up over time, it might not be in your best interest to keep that relationship up.
     
  3. 61 No. B

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2011
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    thanks i just read a couple articles that calmed me down a bit and a lot of what you said was there too

    we have an established rapport so for better or worse i feel comfortable not blunting my tude around you. but unless there's a secret meaning to evocative or my interpreting is off at the moment, i'm not quite sure what you're specifically referring to here, but i get the point.

    the correct answer is all of them so no point in asking that
     
  4. Misty gimme kiss

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    One of the best recommendations I can make is to show genuine interest in the person. Obviously you can take that too far and come off like a stalker weirdo, but try to learn about them -- where they're from, what they're studying, what they're into. Remember the things they mention and ask them about it when you see them next. It shows you're listening to them and paying attention.

    Haya's advice is good though: don't force things. You can feign interest in their interests if you want, but get ready to keep that going for your entire relationship if you do. Like Haya said, it's easy to just politely express disinterest, or you can try to guide the conversation towards something you like: "I've never seen that show but it sounds a lot like _____, maybe I'll check it out."
     
  5. 61 No. B

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2011
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    update on this thing
    the guy and i have become very good friends. we basically spend all of our free time hanging out now. i've also become fairly good friends with the girl. we're not as close but the other day i asked her if she wanted to sit with us at a table outside (where we frequently spend our free time) and she did (reluctantly) and we talked for an hour and it was nice though somewhat awkward. we wondered if we left a good impression and assumed we didn't, but today she asked if she could sit with us at dinner (other seats were available so it wasn't out of desperation) and we sat for so long even after the place closed and walked home together and got a pretty good rapport going. she was much more comfortable and outgoing compared to the first night. when we all three met on move-in day i decided i wanted to get us all together and be a group of friends because i liked them both so much and goddammit one by one i did just that. i'm a mastermind. so yeah all's well. i do wish i knew how to have a conversation with two people at once. i'm pretty good at one on one if i have an established relationship with that person, but when there's three people i have a hard time cutting in.
     
  6. Hanzo Chaser

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    Hey, it's progress.

    Proud of you. Just keep at it!