National Coming Out Month

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by Mike, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. Mike Chaser

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    Hey everyone! This October 11th is national coming out day. Last night I uploaded a video about my coming out story. I really want to help out others and I think this video might help some members on here that haven't come out to their family and friends.

    A few years ago, I watched a coming out video from a YouTube user and that video helped me realize who I was. I hope my video will have the same affect on others.

     
  2. tamale Ice to see you!

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    That's this next month?

    ...Hmm.

    Thanks for sharing your story. c:
     
  3. Sebax Avatar by Xerona

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    Over the course of my life, I had one of those Macklemoric "Same Love" opening reflective moments. From an early age, I liked theatre, interior design, I could tell the difference between vaguely similar colors, I liked to draw, I became attached to mostly male personalities when it came to watching entertainment, and several other tropes. Like you, I was largely isolated from others; I moved to eight different schools before college, but I always wanted to entertain people, so it made me feel terrible to be cast out as "weird". I made my nickname Jay once when I was in fifth grade. Huh. Jay rhymes with /something/...but what IS it?! Oh. Right. I can't tell you how eerie it is to hear a group of kids just get together to chant something, but they would literally chant "Jay is gay", and generally because I possessed traits attributed to gay people.

    The kicker? I'm straight as an arrow. My sexuality has next to nothing to do with my personality and abilities as a person. I'm caring, I'm (admittedly) sensitive, but I identify as a male and I am solely attracted to women in terms of "Hey, look at those! Gasp! For meeee? You're too kind." I feel that the more people are comfortable with their sexuality, the more we all get to be the humans we want to be without fear of extradition for liking something attached to something that gets an unfair, childishly applied label.

    I'm glad you found your way, Mike. Even if the realization is slow, it's a great thing to reach a conclusion you feel comfortable with. Me? I could look at a guy or a girl and tell you "Yeah, they're attractive" without much too it, because I know I feel secure with the fact that I am most comfortable with the companionship of someone of the opposite sex. I study anatomy and sociology, since they're great skills to have in acting, and that's where I get the concepts of how to balance judgement on whether someone's appearance might be found to be tasteful. Basically, the more accepted all sexualities are, the less they will matter outside of the sheets. I'm not saying "Hey, keep it there! Down, tiger! Down!", I'm saying that people shouldn't be automatically triggered into a rage when some guy says "I'm a fashion designer" or a woman says "I'm a contractor", and they do, because they falsely connect all those things with sexuality. A big part of accepting all people they way they are is to break down the gender barriers. People who want to come out coming out really helps with all that. It's invaluable.

    Thank you.
     
  4. Hanzo Chaser

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    I'd still like to know, and I brought this up in another thread of yours (I think in Help with Life), Mike, where those students got the idea that a male liking Britney Spears, a female, was gay. I mean, of all the weirdest things...

    You mentioned you saw a coming out video of a male talking to his mother on the phone. Was this one it? It's from 2012.



    In the description, he said he talked to his dad the day after and his dad gave him the biggest hug ever and told him he'll always accept people for who they are! :)

    Actually, that leads me to another question: Why are most of the coming out videos from males? Out of all the coming out videos I've personally seen, it's always been a male coming out. Are gay females treated better than gay males for some reason? That's not okay, obviously -- both genders should be treated the same -- but I wonder if they are.

    I agree. I don't see anything wrong with someone who's straight having a crush, for example, on the same gender/sex in terms of "they are good looking, but I wouldn't have sex with them." I'm not sure if males have a word for it, but females, as @Misty said in my Sexuality thread, call it fem!crushes.

    Like you, I'm straight, and I'm all for equality and am secure with my sexuality, so I see nothing wrong with watching videos of gays coming out or researching human sexual behavior and stumbling across same-sex stuff and stuff like that, and if someone calls me gay, that's their problem. I'm secure enough that it won't bother me.

    At the same time, though, I don't think gays or anyone else that isn't straight should have to come out, and I mean that in a positive manner. You hear all the time of gay celebrities coming out, but straight celebrities don't have to come out and say, "Hey, I'm straight and like gals/guys!"

    We are all the same on the inside. The only difference when it comes to sexuality is that some of us like the opposite gender and some of us like the same gender. I mean, think about it: the only thing a gay person does differently than a straight person is have sex with the same gender, but other than that, they are the same in every other aspect. Unfortunately, while it's not as bad as it used to be, there's discrimination out there and so many gay people feel like they're abnormal and come out and hope they have supporters, which will make them feel better.

    All of this is, of course, just my personal opinions from what I've seen.
     
  5. Sebax Avatar by Xerona

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    Mancrushes. We call them mancrushes. I, I confess, can't help but be brought in by the oodles of charm that is Richard Castle/Nathan Fillion. I'm not sexually attracted to him, but I certainly am more impressed by him more than most people I just stumble upon; his antics make me feel warm and fuzzy, but that's just effective charm usage, and not in the stir of emotions, "I need that body" sort of thing. Most of my "Man Crushes" are just guys I have worlds of respect for; Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, Nathan Fillion, Robert Downey Jr., John Barrowman, Robert Carlyle, and the late Robin Williams, etc.

    Enough about me. Yes. That's my whole point. We're all the same on the inside. While, yes, Mike, liking Britney Spears is a popular cornerstone of modern homosexuality (I've worked with guys in musicals whose whole warm-up tracks for singing and dancing are solely made of Beyonce, Spears, Rihanna, etc. and they all had one thing in common: good taste in footwear... oh and the fact they were all gay; that too. 90% of them were the sassiest Queens you'd ever meet; they were delightful people. We got along great.) I nearly, NEARLY (But didn't, respectfully) when you cited liking Pop music as an indicator of sexuality. My favorite artists are some of the most feminine (Nael Yaim, Lenka, P!nk, etc), but, to your credit, I tend to not always mention my affinity for such artists unless I know the people I'm speaking to won't likely judge me on my tastes; in that sense, I am sometimes insecure, but it's getting easier for everyone the more open everyone is with another.
     
  6. Mike Chaser

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    If you like female pop stars, people automatically judge you for being gay. It's just a gay stereotype. It's like saying you like Cher. I just felt that it was different than going around and saying hey, I love everything about Ricky Martin. That's what I hate about stereotypes.

    I also created a video about gay stereotypes.



    As far as the video you linked, that wasn't the video. Denactor was the first person I watched a coming out video from. The second person was Mallow610, and that was the video with his mom. It wasn't a phone call. It was him coming out in person to her.
     
  7. Hanzo Chaser

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    So I guess not all stereotypes are bad like I thought. Not intentionally, but I think I kind of stereotype myself. Because there are more straights in the world than other sexualities -- not that it means anything -- I always play it safe and assume people are straight until otherwise told, and if they turn out to be gay, bi, whatever, then I still fully support and respect them, probably even more so than before.

    Moving on to the point you made, while there definitely isn't anything that only gays do (aside from having sex with the same sex), I think we can agree that some things are more common in gay communities. Let's take your clothes example, for example. More gay guys than straight guys may dress more girly, but that doesn't mean all gay guys are like that. You, for example, dress like any typical guy (casual clothes, probably slightly baggy pants, etc.). People that didn't know you would likely think you're straight just like how you said many people think that guys who don't play sports or other manly things are gay, but, like you said, some guys who play sports could be gay.

    I don't think the whole girly dressing is so much sexuality, though, as it is flamboyancy, because there are definitely straight flamboyant guys out there. It's probably something that's more common in gay communities, but that doesn't mean straight guys can't do it. I mean, some straight men even, though not many because of insecurities, like being penetrated by other women using sex toys, though I won't go any further due to the rules.
     
  8. tamale Ice to see you!

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    *cough*

    Bisexuals and pansexuals and demisexuals exist.
     
  9. Hanzo Chaser

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    I know. I just used gays for the example.
     
  10. Makaze Some kind of mercenary

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    Tale's point is that not even having sex with the same sex is specific only to homosexuals. Your 'aside from' is inaccurate.
     
  11. Hanzo Chaser

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    Well, that's kind of obvious because of hetero-flexibility, hetero experimentation, or just two heterosexuals having sex with each other just because they can.
     
  12. Makaze Some kind of mercenary

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    In that case, you understand that you stated a falsehood.
     
  13. Hanzo Chaser

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    Well, not necessarily, because in general it does work like that, but, of course, there are cases where it doesn't, like with hetero-flexibility.
     
  14. Makaze Some kind of mercenary

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    That is simply incorrect. It sounds as if you are implying that being bisexual without a qualifier is not a legitimate position and that someone must identify relative to hetero and homosexual in some way. That is a falsehood. Tale mentioned one sexuality that shows this well. Pansexual. Pansexuals are attracted not only to males and females, but to intersex individuals and transsexuals alike.

    I am one of them. I cannot be defined as 'hetero-flexible' or 'homo-flexible'. My sexuality covers things that neither of those do.

    Surely you can understand how limiting the spectrum to 'hetero-' or 'homo-' flexibility is insulting. These people are not part hetero and part homo; they are not on a sliding scale. They are their own standalone sexuality. He corrected you because your generalization was incorrect and outright ignored the existence of these other sexualities.

    It certainly shows that you don't think about the full spectrum when you think about this subject. The fact that you defended yourself by saying that it is generally true shows that you don't care to think of the full spectrum, either.
     
  15. Hanzo Chaser

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    I never said that. Of course bisexuality, pan sexuality, etc. are legitimate sexualities. I was simply using homosexuality as an example.

    Again, I was only using homosexuality as an example. It's like math. Say I'm helping someone with percentages and show them an example problem: "To find 42% of 246, first you do this and then this." Going by your logic, I should use examples with all the numbers or otherwise I'm ignoring the existent of other numbers.

    Also, as I stated earlier, these are only my opinions, and everyone's entitled to their own opinions unless they are done maliciously, which isn't the case here. If you're choosing to let my opinions offend you, then I'm sorry, but I can't help how other people feel.
     
  16. Makaze Some kind of mercenary

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    In your example, you stated this:
    The statement that homosexuals are the only ones who have sex with people of the same sex is incorrect. It does not make sense to ignore that other sexualities exist when making this statement; homosexuality being an example has no bearing on that. When confronted with this, you stated that it was generally true, except for 'things like hetero-flexibility'.

    Furthermore, you directly implied that you had no obligation to think about these sexualities because what you said was 'generally true'. You are shrugging off the fact that we exist as a technicality that is not worth considering. That is offensive regardless of your intent, and it would be nice if you recognized that you made a mistake in doing it.
     
  17. Hanzo Chaser

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    Generally. Generally. If I say I generally don't mind my dog running around and being annoying, that doesn't mean it will never bother me, it just means that most of the time I'm fine with it. It's the same concept here. As for the hetero-flexibility statement was only an example as well.

    Anyway, I'm done here -- for now at least -- and will respectfully leave the discussion.

    This is exactly why I don't particularly like getting into discussions like this. Whether it's sexuality, Justin Bieber, or what have you, my opinions are always invalidated. While there are no such things as wrong or right when it comes to opinions and while people are entitled to their opinions, apparently I don't count, because my opinions are stupid and the minority because pretty much everyone else is always against my opinions and therefore my opinions don't matter at all.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
  18. Misty gimme kiss

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    I don't think anyone said your opinion wasn't valid or that it was stupid, just that your wording was exclusionary. The sentence reads as "only gay people have sex with the same sex," which Makaze and Tale pointed out as not true -- bisexual people, pansexual people, demisexual people, all kinds of people have sex with the same sex. I think your point was to say "there's nothing a gay person absolutely does differently than a straight person, besides being attracted to and/or having sex with their own sex, generally." You might just want to edit the wording to not exclude other sexualities.

    As for the topic at hand, when I first heard there was such thing as National Coming Out Month and National Coming Out Day I was a bit disturbed -- it sounded like some call to say "hey all not-straight people, please identify yourselves" which obviously is not cool. As I understand it now, it's more about supporting queer people and sharing your own coming out story for various reasons, the latter of which takes a lot of bravery, so a big thank you to those who do.
    I'd rather this term not be promoted under my name. It's true I did post it a few years ago in a sexuality thread but I don't stand by it any longer -- I've considered editing or deleting some of my posts on the subject before but I'm opposed to that for a variety of reasons that aren't really relevant here. What you and Sebax are saying is true, of course -- it's perfectly okay to have a bit of a crush on someone of a gender that you ordinarily wouldn't consider yourself attracted to romantically or sexually. The term femcrush just doesn't really sit right with me anymore, though -- to me it seems like a way to distance oneself from the idea that you're not straight. Almost like saying "I'm definitely attracted to this person, romantically and/or sexually, but I can't call it just a regular crush because I am Straight As Hell." Or even if you're not attracted to them romantically or sexually, you're just a fan of theirs, the term "femcrush" to me just suggests this unwillingness to have anyone possibly think you could possibly be interested in this person and therefore not straight.

    It's off-topic really and my thoughts on the subject are hardly expansive (I'm sure I've read something about it but I can't seem to find it), but I just didn't want to seem as though I was personally endorsing that viewpoint any more. I'm pretty sure I posted it three years ago, at any rate.
    I'm curious as to how you would react to these suggestions by other people? If you're comfortable talking about it, that is. I grew up with a (male) friend who was interested in a lot of things one might consider indicative of his being gay or something (dolls, fashion, etc.) -- as kids we all kinda assumed he was gay (which I now obviously know was totally not cool but it happened). Whenever we brought it up to him he, rightfully, got very bothered by it. I feel quite awful about it now.

    Did it bother you too? Or was it easy for you to just brush it off?
    The thing is that we live in a heteronormative society -- queer people "come out" because, if they don't, they're more or less assumed to be straight. Obviously I agree it'd be great if that didn't have to happen at all but it is a privilege of straight people to not have to identify themselves as such. When they do identify their sexuality, it's usually to dispel suggestion that they're not straight. As I understand it, coming out is also a pivotal moment for a person as it is, for many people, part of accepting who they are and no longer hiding that piece of themselves inside.