Namine's story

intro
Everything was missing.The boy she was in love with, her wardrobe, all of it. Thrown out of her home after being told she didn't matter anymore. Yeah, I know, her lif was pretty-suckish. The only good part of her day was her daily exercise periods, and even that was just playing DDR with Axel.

She wanted mor than anything to see Roxas again, to feel the exitement of phiscal contact, which she hadn't felt since they met a year ago.To feel like she was wanted. That was one thing that made she and
Roxas special, They Could feel

This was not good for her, no exercise, barely a meal, AND no physical contact(exept for some of the other members touching her inapproprietly). What was she to do?

post if I should contiue! I am really impressed with my story this time and already have,like, 4 chapters

 

is good plz continue

 

Capter 1

This has some more.. intresting stuff

She was listening to music in her room one day when Vexen came in. He listened to the music and heard "simple and clean" playing."You won't be quite so clean after today Missy!" He told her and turned off the cd player.He then came over and grabbed her by the arm."What are you going to do to me?" Namine asked."just shut up!" he told her. Vexen walked up to a cage and threw Namine in."He'll be here shortly." he said randomly and locked the door.
More later, I've got a ton of home work :-(

 

*stabs vexen multiple times lolz*

 

Chapteer 1 cont.

A couple minuetes later Namine was napping (she had been up all night working on redoing Sora's memories) when Marluxia came. "Wake up you stupid girl!" He yelled at her in an angry tone,"I've brought you a friend Namine! I hope you enjoy the company...". Namine was wide awake now and could see that Marluxia was dragging an unconcious boy behind him.He opened th door and threw the boy in with her. Marluxia then flipped a switch and th cage was lifted up into the air above Namine's room. "you two play nice now!" Marluxia told them as h e left the room. Namine crawled over to the boy and recognized him instantly. It was Roxas!
I wont be able to type more up for a while, School!:nono:

 

OMFG!
poor roxas and namine!
atleast their togather =D
<.< >.> *glomps riku for no aparent reason*

 

wha!? O.0

What are you doing!!!!!stop encouraging her!i think its awful!the intro disgusts me!!

 

there is no reason to be mean. how incredibly rude of you. if you dont like it, then go away and dont come back. no need for flaming. personally, i think its great. (although it might be nice for longer posts)

 

There are some major problems, but it has potential. Here is some advice I gave someone back on KHI that can apply to you.

first tip: when writing a fanfic, break it into paragraphs. It may seem like a no brainer, but it's a problem with a lot of beginning fanfic writers here at KHI. It also helps that you start a new paragraph anytime a different character starts a dialog, That way, there's no confusion on who's saying what.

Second: Don't be affraid of detail. Details help the reader get an image of whats going on in their mind. However, don't use so much detail that it takes up to much of your time, or to much space.

Third: Sometimes ideas for it may strike you out of the blue. If one ever does, It's important to make a note for yourself. I keep all of my ideas on a word document, so there is no confusion.

fourth: I myself usually type mine up in a word document, then copy and paste each chapter into the reply box. Typing it up in the reply box itself has given me some trouble in the past.

fith: Writing it in word document or a similar program also helps with spell checking. Sometimes, you have a character's that get's marked as an incorect spelling, so you can just click add to dictionary Here. But the grammer check can be a problem, so you're gonna have to use your own judgement here.

sixth: Always reread your work. Sometimes theres stuff that spell check won't catch. Be sure to reread your work once you've spent some time away from writing. A lot of times, I see stuff that I did wrong that I didn't notice before.

seventh: The Edit button is your friend! It let's you correct any problems you may have spotted in step six.

eigth: If you are having problems trying to think up a story, try to read the fics of others for inspiration. But no plagarisim though!

ninth: Save your fic on a flash drive or some other storage device, like a disk once in a while as a back up.

Tenth: I find dialog quotes can come in pairs of twos at certain times, an opening and a closing. The opening can be used to set a mood, while you can describe the character's emotions, actions, or feelings in between the text, and use the closing qoute to have the character say the most important part or the heart of the dialog.

eleventh: To symbolize internal thought, I usually use unquoted itallicized text. Be sure to indicate that it's internal thought though.

12: If you have a big vocabulary, don't be affraid to use it. It helps to portray certain characters, like a few of the Org members who have a tendency to be well spoken, as they are in the games. And if you have an original character, you can express them any way you want.

Lastly and most importantly, is have fun! Writing fan fics don't mean anything if you're not having fun with it!

 

Sorry! I dont have lotsa time or my own computer, I promise a chain of three chapters in one post on february 23!

 

that is good advice for noob writers (no offence)
in fact... *steals list*
also:
YAY!! LOTS OF NEW CHAPTERS!!! *dances*

 

Yaeh i have some time on that weekend

 

hi again im the guy. u took down my rep and maybe ill cut the wows! behavior, and tell you, that you should keep on writing, but make the story a little less inapropriate-(as in physical thingy, in the intro)

 

hmmmmmm... in some ways i agree with you, others, i dont...
definetaly keep writing, and it is okay to write 'inapropriate' things (although that wasnt that inapropriate in my opinion) but its a good idea to put warnings and ratings (pg, pg13, ect...) when you do such things because there are younger kids on the site and some people just plain dont like to read that sort of thing.
and Soranspartanti, glad you decided to stop acting like a noob =D

 

I do have some more stuff planned thats 'inapropriate', but only, like, three things.

Is it okay if i add three carachters that i made up with my friends? i have two chap.s written with them

 

i suggest you put warnings of the chapters with 'inapropriate things'
but remember, there is a rule against anything TOO inapropriate
and this IS a fanfic, so OC are perfactly acceptable
=)

 

i agree with this person, and yes, many ppl made up characters and stories to different things in this forum.no thank you for that name you called me, after my post.

 

sorry. just trying to make a point
and call me rinn or kingdom, not 'this person'
plz and thx

 

ALright im workin on the next chapters!!! gimme time!!!!!!:yelling:
WARNING...MEDICAL REFRENCES
Still in chapter 1!!!!
“Uh…” Roxas began to awaken from his unconsciousness, “Where am I?” He then asked.
“You’re in castle oblivion.” Namine told him.
“Hunh? Wait…Namine!” He jolted upright, “I’ve been looking all over for you! Where’ve you been?”
“Here” she said, happy to see him again.
“I can’t believe it! I’m so glad to see you!” He started babbling.
“I’m happy to see you too, Roxas!” she confirmed.
Roxas tried to get up and stretch, but he fell back down with a thud. “Owch! My leg REALLY hurts!”
“Where?” Namine asked him. He pointed to his upper thigh, kind of close to his…Namine made her silent prayers and looked for anything that might be of use. A medical kit appeared out of nowhere and she crawled over to it.
Once again she said her prayers, and asked him to politely remove his pants.

 

you did a pretty good job of covering up the... 'inapropriateness' as best it could be lolz
good job =D
but i feel inclined to remind you there is no double posting plz and thx =D