Just a little charm. (Opinions needed)

So I'm looking for CnC on this/these poems. I'm enrolling it for a contest on another forum (I can't post it unless I'm to enter it in) so I'm looking for the following:​

• Does it remind you of a charming person?
• Does it make sense?
• What did you think? (Did it remind you of a charming person or something else?)

I'm incredibly nervous to submit this (SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS) and I feel like it's not enough and it's not like a poem I've done before. So thanks for reading!

Spoiler

When I looked into his eyes, my heart melted
My body encased in goosebumps
Some sweat beginning to fill my palms
A surge of excitement, a trail of tingles


He asks a question, his breath a hint of mint
I stutter, almost unable to speak
Desperate to wipe the ponds I call hands
Will I ever clam down?


He says my eyes are the sea
Blue is his favorite color
Breathing is slow and husky
A heat rises up from my throat


We exchange numbers,
His smile, buckles my knees
As we part, I believe the butterflies will take me
Breathless by his charm

Spoiler

When she looked into his eyes, her heart melted
Her body encased in goosebumps
Sweat beaded her palms
The surge of excitement, a trail of tingles


He asks a question, a breath of fresh mint
She stutters, tongue tied and shy
Bouncing with emotion, she can't sit still
Jitters and nerves


Your eyes are the sea
Blue is my favorite color
Laughter fills the air
Faces beat red


We exchange numbers
Good bye smile, buckles my knees
As they part, she believe butterflies will take her
Drunk by his charm

I'm super tired and I just don't know if the lack of sleep is stifling the creative block or what. I ended up re-writing the first poem because a friend said I used to many pronouns.(aaaaaand got worried it sucked)