Is Alzheimer's a legitimate excuse to divorce your spouse?

This is a hard question, I think he definiately shouldn't cheat- if he's going to see see other people then he should divorce her, if he isn't going to make the effort. However, I think it shouldn't be done for the whole "In sickness and in health" reason, you ar emeant to care for your spouse no matter what. If the love has gone then divorce is passible in my opinion, a marriage is a bond of love, if one is making the other extremely unhappy and heartbroken then what is the point in marriage? As long as the sufferer does have someone to look after them and they are both extremely unhappy then I think it's okay, but all situations are unique and different.

 

If I go crazy will you stil call me superman?
If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?

"For better or for worse, in sickness and in health."

You pledge your life to someone unconditionally. Think, their mind may be mostly gone, but they are stll the lover you pldged your life too. Anyone who would abandon someone infact has no honor or loyalty. Its not their fault an illness destroyed their life. Why would you abandoned them?

 

i didn't watch the video but my opinion on divorcing someone because of Alzheimer's is torn, i personally wouldn't leave them because of it, i feel that's when the person needs another person to stand by them the most. but i can see that the disease could really become a huge burden on the healthy person and severely eat away at the couple's happiness. so i don't really know what to think.

 

In my current opinion, when your partner forgets they're married to you, you two are no longer married. But that doesn't mean you don't still love him/her, and because you're not married, doesn't mean you've abandoned him/her.

Sorry for repeating myself.

 

Alzheimer's is not like amnesia. It doesn't get better, people with Alzheimer's get progressively worse over time.

And yes, just because something can't be remembered doesn't mean it didn't happen. But this doesn't mean it will happen again.

 

Because Alzheimer isn't really curable (as far as I know). She won't wake up one day and be like "OH, I REMEMBER EVERYTHING."
This is an "irreconcilable difference."
Nobody's saying it didn't happen for real, just that to one of the spouses, it might as well have never happened.

 

In my personal opinion, Alzheimer is a pretty bad disease.
My step-grandmother had it, before she passed earlier this year.

Although it can be sad and irritating to see your spouse's mind deteriorate, unconditional love is a main part of a real marriage, and destroying a relationship just because of a person's irreversible condition is pretty idiotic.

 

You would stay married to someone you love even if she/he doesn't love you back?

 

If that turned out to happen, then go for it.
But you shouldn't stop loving someone because of a condition. Y'know?

 

This is part of my point. And in this case, the person who does still remember may even owe it to the person with Alzheimer's to file for a divorce. I'm not sure about you, but I wouldn't want a strange woman living in my house, sleeping in my bed, eating my food, etc. when I don't even remember meeting her.

 

You don't stop loving them, you divorce them. There's a difference.
Think about this: if she forgets who you are, she probably doesn't want to stay married to you. (Which is what Nekoki has been saying).

 

To answer your first question, is it a legitimate excuse? Hell yes it is.
People here may say that they would not divorce their other, and I'm sorry, but I do believe you would for a couple of reasons.

First of all, (I'm talking from a man's perspective) when you look into your spouse's eyes, and you do not see the same person, because she won't be.
She doesn't have the memories you made together.
You mean nothing to her.
To her, you're just like a person she would meet in the streets.
You would get depressed, because the love you send to her won't be sent back.
She will receive no joy from you, because she doesn't know you.
She doesn't want to kiss you.
She doesn't want to hold your hand.
She doesn't want to sleep next to you.

You will be in a relationship where no-one will gain anything.

People can say that they would stay with them, but that is only for religious reasons. There is no logical other reason. They will both be miserable for the rest of their lives. Sure, some days may be better than others, but overall, no.

 

You people have no sense of loyalty. "I'm only maried to her while its good for me." Isn't very fair. Its selfish and cruel.

"She doesn't know me. Therefore I've no commitment to her." Is even worse. If alzheimers gets that bad, they NEED someone to take care of them. Make sure they eat everyday, no one takes advantage of them financially or otherwise. Make sure the nurses arnt abusing them. They NEED you, and you're abandoning them in their moment of need. Think for a minute... would you rather live with someone you don't know, and actually betaken care of. Or suddenly find out your all alone, in the midle of the night ,hungry, poorly dressed (no jacket), broke, just been mugged, and no damn clue how you got there?

You have no heart, and no loyalty, no justice if you just divorce them.

 

It' s even worse than that, she doesn' t see you just as a stranger, she sees you as a jailer. You' re a stranger who, for some reason unknown to her, won' t let her leave the house on her own, nor drive, nor cook ... She might even insult you or hit you. As strongly as you might still love her that is an incredibly painful situation to live, not everyone is equipped to deal with a situation so devastating morally and physically (it' s a full time job).

Personally I wouldn' t want my (hypothetical) wife to endure such pain just to keep a promise :
If she keeps her promise we' ll both suffer, if she doesn' t I' ll suffer just as much and she' ll suffer less. I know what choice I would wish her to do if I was still sane, but that' s her choice to make. Whatever she chooses is fine.

 

some people in the thread imply that it's better to divorce because the other person doesn't remember the healthy person. but with unconditional love, that shouldn't change how the healthy person feels about the person with the disease. i'm sure the healthy person still feels some sort of affection for the sick person. it's like when parents still love their children even if their children are complete a$$holes to them but they still stand by them. so even though we see it as a burden, it's very possible that the healthy person doesn't see it that way or cares about their partners enough to stay around.

 

But you don't need unconditional love for marriage. You need mutual love. You can love her all you want, but if she doesn't love you back, you're screwed (and not in the honeymoon way, of course).

 

Say the person with Alzheimer's the husband.


Is it even fair for the wife to divorce him? That does count as in "in sickness or in health, right?


Now say the guy (who still has Alzheimer's) is divorcing his wife. Can he? Does his mental handicap prohibit him from divorcing her?


Those are my quesstions.

 

Divorcing Someone because of Alzheimer's is not a legitimate excuse to to divorce someone.
Divorcing someone because of a mental problem is like killing a child because of a disability.
Either are unacceptable and shouldn't be done.
However, Divorce is a choice and who am I to try to stop it?

 

The first question is exactly what I asked. Even though the video was about a guy divorcing his wife, the question I asked was about anybody divorcing a spouse.
The second question is also the point I'm trying to make. If the Alzheimer's patient wants a divorce because he/she cannot remember you and therefore love you like they once did, it's not fair to either of you to stay in that marriage. It's unneeded stress and heartache on both sides.

That is NOTHING like that.