I'm just broken....

I didn't de-rep you. I can still (de-)rep you now which means I haven't done it recently. So yeah. Misunderstandings: pot kettle black.

You seem to a very closed person, and I won't judge for that. But think about this: how can people hate you if they don't know who you are?
If they seem stone cold to you, then they are really stone cold to a shell. And there is no saying that they won't like what's beyond that shell.
I'm not saying that the key solution is opening up, much less estranging yourself from the world. I just want to clarify that no one will hate you right off the bat.

 

The problem is that, if you don't tell people these things then people won't be able to help you. You need to open up, there is nothing that you are feeling now that no one else has felt a thousand times over and then some. I know that telling someone is the hardest part about these things but you need to tell us, it's the only way we will be able to help.

 

I'm coming to deal with it.
Just you guys listening and caring helped me on this one.I've figured it out.I still have the thoughts but...i'm happier...it feels like it's the way i'm meant to be...it's like i've found who i am.I can thank my real life friends for this and my online friends, especially Rebel Angel.
Thanks guys for caring.