Garxena's works

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Garxena, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. Garxena Hollow Bastion Committee

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    "Dear Peter"

    I wrote this last night when I was feeling pretty down. Peter Pan has always been a very important part of my life. He means more to me than most people can understand. Anyway, there are these two stars outside my window that I can see clearly almost every night -- they're only blocked by really thick clouds. They shine so brightly and are so close, that I swear they could be the path to Neverland. I was looking for them last night and couldn't find them (because of the cloud cover), then the idea for this song came into my head and I scribbled it down fast as I could. It's short, but I love it. Without further delay here is my latest song, "Dear Peter."

    I don't want to grow up now
    I don't want to be the brave one
    I want to stay like this somehow
    I just want to have fun

    I must confess I have grown up
    But I see how much it means
    To admire the little stuff
    Like a fairy's tiny gleam

    And Peter, dear Peter
    I want to fly with you
    Fight pirates like you, too
    I want to fly with you
    Do all the Lost Boys do

    I don't want to grow up
    I want to fly with you
     
  2. Clear_so_you_can't_See Traverse Town Homebody

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    That was beautiful!
    Your feelings about adulthood and your connection to your youth through Peter Pan really shows.
    Amazing Job!
     
  3. Garxena Hollow Bastion Committee

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    Thank you. I'm glad someone could feel the connection. I sang this for some of my friends today, right before our choir class, and one of them cried. I guess she could feel the connection too.
     
  4. Juicy Chaser

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    I wrote lots of critique on this last night, but my laptop died before I could post and I've forgotten what I was going to say. D:

    I think it's lovely that you have an obsession, it's great to feel strongly about something. There is some beautiful use of repitition in this.

    I would say this is a bit of a cop out with the rhyming :\ Idk, it just seems like you could have come up with something better.
     
  5. Garxena Hollow Bastion Committee

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    Excuse me? An obsession? Don't you have anything in your life that's important to you? I'm not obsessed over or about Peter. Sir James M. Barrie wrote a wonderful story and I happen to take it to heart. Like I said before, I know most people can't understand how or why Peter Pan is so dear to me, but I still feel a tad insulted when someone calls it an obsession.

    Anyway, I thank you for your compliments. I worked long and hard to get this melody right and the place that you quoted is just where the song gets a little slower and there are a couple of rests. It makes more sense when you hear it sung. It was a bit of a challenge to come with proper rhymes (since nearly every song I write does not rhyme), but I think I did a fair job on it (yeah, I used some slant rhymes).
     
  6. Juicy Chaser

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    Erm.. don't take it the wrong way, I didn't intend to be insulting, I just recognised that you were passionate about this.
     
  7. Garxena Hollow Bastion Committee

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    :sweatdrop: Sorry. It's just that the last time someone called it an "obsession" is was meant to be hurtful.
     
  8. Garxena Hollow Bastion Committee

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    Okay, this is my thread! Yay! I already posted a separate thread ("Dear Peter") with a recent song of mine, and I'm going to open this thread with another song. I wrote this one for one of my friends as a birthday present. It made me so happy when she read it (she cried and said it was her best birthday present -- I love her!) :D She loves country, so I attempted a country song for the first time.


    STARS IN YOUR EYES

    I can feel it...
    Your heart... on your sleeve

    Ev'ry day you treat like an adventure
    Ev'ry day you smile at the shining sun
    Ev'ry day we know that you are a winner
    Ev'ry day we just know you are the one

    There are stars in your eyes
    [There are] stars in your eyes
    And I feel it, yes I feel it
    Your heart on your sleeve

    Country girl, sing us a song now
    Country girl, lend us your voice
    Country girl, create harmonies somehow
    Contry girl, you make us rejoice

    There are stars in your eyes
    [There are] stars in your eyes
    And I feel it, yes I feel it
    Your heart on your sleeve

    Come on now, everyone come listen
    Come on now, don't you turn shy
    Come on now, it's your voice we're missin'
    Come on now, with your songs you can fly

    There are stars in your eyes
    [There are] stars in your eyes
    And I feel it, yes I feel it
    Your heart
    Your heart
    Your heart on your sleeve
    Your heart on your sleeve



    EDIT: Thankies to whomever put my threads together! =D