Feeling Trapped

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Mixt, Aug 18, 2013.

  1. Mixt The dude that does the thing

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    Not sure if anyone can help, but I at least need to vent. As a few of you know I've been struggling with college. A lot. I'm three years in and still (barely) a freshman. This has left me scared and irritable on top of showing signs of clinical depression, albeit I feel happy enough most of the time. The biggest symptom is that my body demands about 12 hours of sleep a day at no rhythm that I can discern.

    In and of itself I don't mind these long sleeps, but my parents view it as laziness and insist that I spend at least 10 hours a day "productively" (placed in quotes because I have no idea what qualifies anymore. Trip to the zoo is fine, writing an android app is not). Failure to be productive results in me being kicked out of the house for the day. For the sake of my sanity I've frequently chosen to leave as I find it to be the far less stressful option.

    All of this tension came to a head today when my dad woke me up at 6 to mow the lawn. So I slowly got up, ate breakfast, etc. and probably got to the lawn about 8, death metal screaming from my phone so that I wouldn't fall back asleep. Then while mowing the lawn the mower got stuck so I have it an extra push only to have it race off, hit the basketball hoop, and leave me falling backwards. Lucky it shut off on its own, but I decided I was too tired to operate it safely and went back inside.

    My dad, somehow baffled that I would be tired on 6 hours of sleep suggests I make a doctor's appointment. I respond that I don't feel ill or anything, and I actually feel great when I have the amount of sleep I crave even if it is high. Then he says "Who knows, you might get lucky and find you have some disorder. Then you might end up in assisted living and be able to give up on life like you've always wanted" to which I walked out to avoid hitting him, or breaking something, or god knows what else.

    So here I sit. Typing this up from a bench at a strip mall, trying hard not to think about using it as a bed, and making a futile attempt at holding back tears. A piece of me doesn't want to go home tonight, but I don't think I can make the night once my adrenaline completely goes down. And I certainly don't want to use a spot at a shelter when I have somewhere I could be.

    And moving to a broader scope, my life fells like that dream sequence of desperately running to a destination that only slips farther and farther away. I can't keep living like this, but every alternative seems worse. Everybody talks about how smart I am and how much I could accomplish, but right now I seriously think I might be homeless this time next year.
     
  2. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    Your parents don't know what they're talking about. You know what your body's like and what's it doing, they don't; if you think you have a sleeping problem, then you'll make the decision to go to the doctor yourself, not have them think for you and tell you to go to the doctor.

    Sleeping hours are never exact and vary between person. For example, I can do fine on as little as five hours of sleep. If I had been you, instead of mowing the lawn when your dad woke you up at 6:00 AM, I would have just left and gone somewhere and slept. You shouldn't place yourself in a position like that where you can't safely perform a simple job of mowing the lawn.

    Frankly, I think your parents don't understand your stress, they don't want to understand your stress, or they do understand your stress, but don't care.

    With all that said, you are now 21 years old, which means that you are a young, legal adult and make your own decisions. I personally think you should go stay with a friend. With all of the stress you already get from college work, you don't need any more from your non-supportive family. Additionally, you leaving a potential situation was a great choice! You don't need to be getting in trouble with the law.

    Hope this helps!
     
  3. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

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    I can hope that trying to tell them how you're feeling and what your experiencing might get through to them, come to an understanding and work on.
    Failing that, might be worth consulting a doctor about your sleeping and how it's negatively affecting your life at home and if you can do anything about it. If not, it might at least appease your parents and the stress they're causing you for now.
    And last, a last resort, is to ignore them and resist the. Lock yourself in your room for a time, resist them trying to make you leave.

    For now, go back home and tell them how unwelcome you feel in your own home, that the constant nagging is causing you to feel that turning homeless is a better option. Sleep in your bed tonight, don't try to avoid it.
     
  4. ShibuyaGato Transformation

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    While what your father said was completely uncalled for, I do think you might want to consider seeing a doctor. If you know you're showing signs of clinical depression, it's best to get it taken care of instead of just letting it simmer until it blows up in your face later.

    Your parents should be more understanding of both your situation and your stress, but you can't let it all build up either. It's best if you vent about it to someone -- making a thread like this is a good start -- because I know that writing it all out takes a weight off your shoulders, even if it is just a fraction of what you're feeling. You should probably consider crashing at a friend's place for a few days (or however long you feel you need to) and just take some time to evaluate your situation. The good thing about college is that, unlike high school, it's more flexible in terms of the pace at which you move forward. I can understand being scared for your future and stressed out about the present, but the only way to get over it is to face it head on. If there's a way for you to get ahead in your classes, then go for it. If you feel you need to be moving faster, you have to take the initiative, no matter how frightening or daunting it may seem. Everyone is telling you how smart you are and how much you could accomplish, so use that and move forward.

    And if you need someone to talk to about all this, or even just to vent to, you can always hit me up (especially since I think we share 8.5/10 of the same stresses at the moment).
     
  5. Mish smiley day!

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    I agree with others about going to see a doctor, if not for the 12 hours of sleep that you have each day (which does seem excessive to me), but for your signs of clinical depression. Talking to someone other than your parents - who may not understand and may be quick to judge - can be very cathartic.

    It might be worth talking to your parents about your interests, and try to make them understand that, to you, a trip to the zoo is not as productive as engaging in your hobby and is, in fact, beneficial to your developing skills. Try to understand yourself that the frustration your Dad feels is probably due to him worrying about your well-being and your future. You should make them see that you are being productive if you want to patch things up with him and your Mom. Even if it is just stuff like mowing the lawn or helping out around the house in other ways.

    A part-time job is the perfect way of showing productivity as well as gaining experience and a salary. Otherwise, you could apply for an internship, work experience or just a job shadowing session: a placement related to your course would be the best option. Then again, this might not be the best idea if you are struggling with college - it is best to dedicate your time and effort to your studies, after all. However, if your parents see that you are at least applying for these things, they may be more lax with you.

    Your sleeping pattern suggests to me that there's something up with your lifestyle/eating habits/etc. A change in diet could result in a more conventional number of hours spent asleep, ya never know until you try.
     
  6. Mixt The dude that does the thing

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    Thanks guys.

    I'm back home now. I don't think they've noticed yet though.

    Also a part i hadn't bothered to mention is that I regularly see a therapist and psychiatrist. When I bring up stuff like the sleep to them they both say that it seems like depression except that I'm not actually depressed, so I they aren't too worried. That is actually how I know I show signs of depression. On a similar note they both also say I show signs of ADD, except that I actually focus pretty well. My brain seems fairly stubborn on finding ways to be broken that seem like oxymorons.

    EDIT:
    A couple of clarifying points. First, that ending comment on being homeless had to do with being kicked out. I don't drive, I've only had luck getting one job that is almost minimum wage for 12 hours a month (which pacified them at first, but now 2 years in I might as well not have it), and the few friends I have aren't in positions to give me a place to stay for more than maybe a night or two. So now that my parents are looking to pull the funding on my going to college (despite community college so far costing less than half of my sister's freshman year) and the fact that for some reason having no credit history is bad enough that I've been denied a secured credit card, it is only a matter of time before I've out stayed my welcome and have no where to go.

    Second, said android app was only partially to be a hobby. My mom wanted me to start making a schedule and recommended that I use my phone for that. But when I tried there was something about every app that she didn't like so I finally said that I would make one to her specifications. But in her mind being on the computer is by definition a waste of time so I get very little time to work on it. And usually when I do have time I'm too exhausted to actually do so.
     
  7. Daydreamer

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    I believe many of us here understands what's it's like for parents to not tend to, or even recognize, our needs. Sometimes all they do is demand, demand, demand, and we're left feeling they're not really out for our best interests. Like others have said, your parents don't see that you actually are trying. It's a very hurtful thing for a parent to discourage their child from seeking help, or from pursuing their dreams. You and your parents resent each other, and it will probably continue like this until one of you decides to take a leap of faith and try to understand one another.
     
  8. riku1186 Destiny Islands Resident

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    Hey Mixt it’s been awhile. Unfortunately I have no advice on how to deal with your home situation with your parents because we are in very similar situations. But in regards to your sleeping issues (If you can even call them that, I say your just a long sleeper like me) and the possibility of depression I just want to say be careful, as someone who has suffered major depression and has a risk of relapsing into it, depression can creep up on you, you and people may not realise so be careful. And like Damon Salvatore said it is always good to vent (Not violently) with either a thread (I wrote one) or talking to someone, you can vent to me seeing as I can take it and know what you’re going through.
     
  9. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Actually, going to the doctor might be the best solution. Some people have problems getting a good nights sleep, like myself. I toss and turn all night long, waking up in between short durations of sleep to do so. This, in turn, results in a tiredness of its own causing the body to require more sleep than normal. Twelve hours is a good nights sleep for me. Sadly, the only time I can get a good nights sleep in eight or even six hours is under the influence of alcohol. I've been told it's not healthy to drink too often so I'm stuck in a position like you. Unlike you I don't have parents who constantly gripe and complain, I live with my grandparents. I do have to live with my grandfather complaining but that's a different matter entirely.

    If you find yourself tossing and turning at night, what you're experiencing is something similar to myself. It's not laziness, I consider myself to be pretty active. It's not an illness or a disease. It's simply a problem with comfort.

    I can vouch for this as I have a pretty bad back. By that I mean I ache, a lot. That's what causes me to toss and turn. For others, it may be an internal issue, or it may even be psychological.

    At any rate, going to the doctor would be to your benefit. If there is a problem that's causing you to not get a good nights sleep, they'll find it. When they do they might even be able to help you. For people in pain, a more comfortable bed would be the solution. Something psychological would require therapy.

    It might actually even be stress from your whole college situation. Stress built up causing you to toss and turn at night, or just generally not get a good nights sleep, which led to your parents complaints, which led to more stress, and it just keeps going in a circle.

    It's actually been observed that people suffering from night terrors, bad dreams, don't get as good a sleep as someone who has good dreams.

    Hope this helps, Mixt. I hate that you've been placed in a situation like this. Hopefully things start getting better for you soon.

    EDIT: Didn't notice your follow up post, sorry. Like I said though, you should try and see if they can find anything out like what might be causing you to not get a good nights sleep. Depression does cause you to be more tired but there are other things that can cause tiredness as well.

    Perhaps going to an actual doctor rather than a psychiatrist or therapist. I never did like Freudians. Besides, they're only good with what's going on in the brain, not what's going on with your body.