Yesterday i made two of my friends get into a fight and i have been doing this for awhile without meaning too so i left a note to both of them saying i would back off and leave them alone. now a voice is nagging me in the back of mind wondering if i really did the right thing, so i turn to you people to help me because i lost two awesome friends in less the five minuites so please help me.
Well...We don't really know the situation or anything so you shouldn't take anything we say seriously, but... I think your friends deserve an explanation. Making your friends fight is a bad thing, but if you just leave the problem might not resolve. I would say it's better to sit down and talk about it. After that, If you don't want to stress them more, then leave if you see it fit to do so. If you try and resolve the issue, make sure to do it with both of them, though. If you do it separately, the other might get the wrong idea, and.. yeah. Remember, you don't have to do what I/We say, but if you think this over any decide it's what you want to do/ the best thing to do, then go ahead.
Well with the lack of detail I'll need to take some shots in the dark, but if none of what I say directly applies you can probably read between the lines some. To me it depends on how you were making them fight to begin with and how exactly you are going about "backing off" For example: If your friends have been doing mean stuff and avoiding conflict by being sneaky about it and you are starting fights by bringing it to light, that is something you should continue to do. It sucks now, but a friendship where that goes down is on shaky ground. If you are stirring up drama where nothing was wrong though, that is something you should cut out. As for the backing off part (if you deem it still necessary) you want to cut out the behavior that was making these friends of yours fight, but they are still your friends. Don't go pulling away from them too much.In fact depending on how this accidentally getting them into fights is happening, just letting them know can be a huge help. I've got one friend that is a compulsive liar and ever since I've learned about that I fact check him all the time and if he says something that is plainly ridiculous I just give him a look and we burst out laughing. He slowly does it less often and it stops me from feeling betrayed or lied to (well I am being lied to, but not maliciously). One tidbit I've learned in time though is that if you're asking about if something is wrong, that vast majority of the time there is something wrong there. It might be taking the action at all, it might be that you need to tweak how you are going about it, or it might even be that even though you think it is wrong the end will justify the means. Just sit back for a moment and think what specifically seems wrong, why does it seem that way? (might be obvious, might not), and is there a better option?
