Cstar Cooks Dinner(aka. NEVER AGAIN)

Spoiler: The Object of Discussion

Seems pretty innocent huh? A rather simple meal. It's even simpler than you'd probably think. It is literally a package of premade fried rice, I just like adding egg. So I added egg into it and fried an egg and put it on top... I was feeling a little fancy.

IT IS A DECEPTIVE IMAGE. DO NOT TRUST IT.

Now, it is 1 in the morning here, I started cooking at around oh... 1:10? Finished around 1:25. It is a 15 minute meal at the most, and it could probably be a whole lot easier then that.

Now let us start the story about how everything that shouldn't have gone wrong. Went wrong.

I finished a small conversation about how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, and left to grab the rice I had been defrosting for... 2 hours I'd say? It was really frozen.

I get out there, grab all the (food supplies) I needed, lit up the skillet, and let it warm up. I tore open the bag of rice and poured it in, and threw out the bag. I don't ever read instructions, and this is where things start to go wrong.

First, my dad freaks out because he heard the pilot light, and I said to him, "Oh don't worry, it's just me cooking." and he laughed. I shrugged and said, "Well, I know it is 1 in the morning, but I need to eat."

And my dad shook his head and said, "It's not that, it's just that you can't cook to save your life."

This is a very true statement.

And then he says, "Would you like me to help you?"
and I said, "It's only fried rice and egg, I don't think I can mess it up that bad."

...as soon as my dad left the rice was a decent enough heat to add egg, so I did so. And I cracked the egg and it broke all over the place. None of it landed in the skillet. So I cleaned that up quickly and added in another egg, but I accidentally got shell in it, so I picked out the shells and then smelt burning (don't worry no people were harmed... physically)

I freaked out because I thought the edamame was burning and shut off the skillet while still stirring it(the egg cooked in at this point don't worry) and I tried to plate it... but for some reason there were no spatulas in the kitchen. So I went on a frantic search to find one just chillin there in the living room, I picked it up, washed it off, tried to get the fried rice out of the skillet.

Have you ever seen rice just fly up in the air and land halfway across the kitchen?

I managed to plate the rice and then decided to fry the fried egg, but for some reason the egg was not cooking, so I turned up the heat a little, and the whites spread a little bit and hissed. I put up the heat again, it kept doing this. I finally stopped myself and backed away and the YOKE EXPLODED. Yeah, have you ever had that happen to you? This was a new experience for me and at this point I look like I had cracked an egg on my head or something.

I finished up with frying it and got it plated and washed down everything in the kitchen. Cleaned up my hair, finally sat down, took a bite.

While the eggs were cooked nice, the edamame I could have sworn I smelled burning, was frozen. The rice was cold and it just... UGH.

so in the end I decided to just dig through the trash and read what I did wrong because it was ridiculous....


"Instructions on how to cook in a microwave oven."

 

If it makes you feel any better, I know someone that decided they wanted warm milk in their cereal so they microwaved it, and managed to burn the cereal.

 

I don't own a microwave so I've learned that it is, actually, possible to make microwaveable dinners in the oven or on the stove top. Just takes a little creativity. c;

 

And maybe some basic cooking skills.

 

That also. But everyone's got to start somewhere. Keep at it!

 

You should become a professional infomercial actor.

 

Four years later and it's still a struggle XD