City Life

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by T3F, Nov 19, 2014.

  1. T3F Chaser

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    809
    A few months ago, I moved from my little house to this place in the city. It's awesome, I get a great view, everything is 10 minutes away, and everything that's not 10 minutes away is easily accessible via public transport-buses, trains, ferries and such.

    Since moving to the city, I also focused on getting really good marks at uni and getting a second job to support all things music, so I've been fairly busy, but not completely blocked up.
    Here's the thing: I've moved from being 15 minutes away from my friends, to at least 1.5hrs by public transport. Nobody is bothered to visit me, even though I would be more than willing to visit them (getting home would be my only issue because I don't drive). I have gone to my friends' birthdays on the other side of town and had my fun, but they don't come in the city, and well it's fair enough; this place is quite annoying.

    This was okay and understandable, and I knew this was going to be an issue when I moved to the city, but I knew I could work around it. But now I find myself becoming increasingly lonely. My two jobs are both in hospitality, so I constantly serve groups of people having a rad time. All it does is make me think that I should do something with my friends, but they wouldn't want to come along. Hell, none of them showed up to my birthday. They're good people, I'm just not in a very convenient location for them.

    I feel like it's this cycle. It's like they can't visit me, they don't organise any events with me, so I don't visit them, so I can't organise anything with them, because they can't visit me etc etc etc. I'm losing some great people in my life and I need to stop it before it gets worse.

    The other thing that's been bugging me is my new job. I love it, it's a lot of fun, but I've gotten the worst anxiety trying to be friends with the people I work with. They're all a massive bunch of social people, and I've just retreated back to my little bubble of anxiety, and I'm not really sure how to get out of it. You know when you're meeting new people, and you try to talk, and they give you the weirdest look and it makes you feel really bad about yourself? yep. While my old friends are doing their thing, I figure it would be good for me to meet some new people that I see regularly in the same area, especially seeing as uni is finished for the year and I'm not socialising. But I just can't get into the rhythm of talking and meeting new people and being social, even though it's something I really want to do. The other thing I should mention is that my new job only needs me to work on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, so I can't go to things my other friends organise anyway.

    I feel like I'm trapped in this little bubble of anxiety and loneliness and I'm never going to get out. I feel like my old friends are terrible people, even though I completely understand them, and that I won't find anyone new and friendly around here. I feel hopeless. I feel like I'm not putting enough effort in, or that this is all really my fault. I don't know what to do. Will things just get better? Do I have to give it time? Because I haven't had a decent social outing in over 6 months and I'm pretty worried. Help?
     
  2. Mish smiley day!

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    Gender:
    gal
    Location:
    Nuke York.
    983
    Try to integrate yourself in with the people at your new job gradually. I would try talking to maybe one or two of the nicest staff more and once you build a good enough rapport, hopefully they will help you fit in with the rest of them.

    You could also try looking online to make new friends in your area. Since you're in a big city, you shouldn't have any trouble finding people with common interests on sites like meetup.com and reddit (/r/[insert your city here]). I'm sure there are also clubs or classes that you can join in on that aren't too pricey.

    It sucks that you're essentially drifting apart from your friends, but they could have at least made an effort for you birthday. Did you attempt to lure them into the city in any way? Even if you did, it's likely that you'll have to put in a lot more effort to maintain these friendships. There's a phrase - "out of sight, out of mind" that may apply to you and your friends unfortunately.
     
  3. Patman Bof

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    France
    672
    I' ve been there, I wish I had a miracle answer. I moved a thousand kilometers away from home (12 hours at least by train). While I' m not socially inept I tend to stay in my bubble too, especially around people I don' t know much. I need them to grow on me first.

    I kept tabs with a few friends back home though. Weekends were out of the question but I came back every holiday. At least I did at first, my best friend died shortly after I left and the whole group kinda crumbled after that. I still rarely bump into them but that' s all it is, bumping. I had another good friend outside of that group, he phoned me every now and then and even came to spend a few days at my place once. He moved away too, I guess that' s why he didn' t forget me. That and his unlimited phone pass, that helped. When I started working I ended up two hours away from his place and drove there once every month. Unfortunately that friendship turned sour two years ago, he kinda forced me to burn every bridge.

    I have socialized with locals but they are/were more pals than friends, if you see what I mean. Can' t build a ten years long friendship overnight. You should tell your friends you' re nearing the snapping point and could really use a little pick me up. I did and it didn' t fall into deaf ears. Just because I ended up losing everyone doesn' t mean you will, my mum didn' t.