Bully Counselling

Since most of the members here, are still at school or have been bullied in the past, I am making this thread, to let you all, talk about it.

The main counseling members will be me and Peace-and war. And if he want to, ShadowJak (PM me if you want to or not).

So how would like to talk to us first.

 

We are here to help, your problems are ours. Life will be easier without being bullied. Heck, you could be bullied at work by your Boss or Co-worker, we can help in anything bullying bad.

 

basic guidelines to stop bullying

1. don't just let them do it
2. stand up to them
3. tell on them
4. don't let it get out of hand

most bullies stop after getting the littlest of resistance. trust me, they scare VERY easily, except for the crazy ones :(

 

People said some ideas and I thought I'd elaborate a bit on some ideas to cope with bullies who are pesky and won't let you get on with your life. People may debate these and feel free to, but they are what I've found to work and suggested to many others who also faced these people.

1. Be self-confident.
Don't let a bully's words, or others ganging up, hit you as something you need to take personally. If someone calls you some profane thing, shrug it off. It's meaningless. Say a joke back and walk away. Bullies can be derailed by someone simply because they take things casually and in stride. They don't get the reaction they wanted.

2. Make other friends
Talk to some others around you and try to be amiable to them. Maybe even talk to some other people who are picked on by the same bullies. You can relate to each other and perhaps vent and have some good new friends around. There are a lot of kids that feel lonely at school and if you are one of them, you are never alone. Sometimes this can also help you get braver facing the bullies and you might be able to together figure out some positive ways dealing with the bullies and moving on with your lives. Also, if someone who you are friends with is getting picked on, you may find you have more backbone than you thought and back them so that you can both get out of the scene easier.

3. Your Tude supposedly sucks
Well, maybe you might want to listen to this one 'just a bit'. You may be shy or relaying yourself in a way to others that makes you seem really rude, so someone else may feel they have the right to stand up against it. If you are shy, of course that's not your intent, but nonetheless, it may be how you are coming off. Try to stand up for yourself and if it is criticism about acting 'snobby' or 'distant' maybe after that you might want to work on being a bit more amiable and approachable and declare that is not how you are. Also, if you sometimes say things out of hyper activity, some people can take that wrong too. Maybe tone down a bit. This is not to say you should let yourself be bullied, but sometimes 'bullying' isn't necessarily bullying and is more that they are going up against someone's standoffish attitude.

4. Stand up For Yourself
Don't let yourself get cornered against walls because this makes anyone start getting in the 'fight or flight' mode. If you can, keep the way of behind you open. However, look them in the eye and talk clearly and say you aren't going to take bullying and to back off. Don't scream or yell really loud. Just say sternly and determined for them to back off you. Then if you can, walk away even as they goad you to fight. Just say you aren't putting up with it and go on. I've stood against 15 kids at a school I transferred to because someone wanted to 'fight me' and it does work if you stay strong-willed and aren't too sassy but yet stand your ground. Bullies pick on the scared or easily enraged. If you can be neither of those, you are good to go.

5. Tell your Parents or a Teacher
If it is truly getting out of hand, say something to someone. Yes, we all know that parents may want to 'do something' instead of just listen, but sometimes that is needed. You can work out things and ask parents for advice, and a teacher is also a good source. If you don't trust the teacher or have troubles talking to your parents, schools have guidance counselors and they may be willing to coach you and try to aid you with bullies. By telling someone you not only may help yourself, but others who are being bullied by the usual repeat offenders. Once schools tend to know of these people, they will try to keep a more clear eye on them. Seldom does a bully group just pick on one kid.

6. If it Becomes Physical
Try not to let it become physical by walking away but if someone grabs you, stand there and look at them in the eyes. Be serious, calm and focused. Then try to get out of their grip. If they punch you, roll with the punch. You can tell someone will punch you by watching shoulders or hips on the person, or facial expression even. Be prepared and be calm. Most of the time a single punch from someone, despite how movies make it, is not enough to hurt someone bad. If they hurt you, go for the punch in the nose to make it bleed. Kick em in the shin, hit them hard in the sternum. Go for weak points and if you need to practice, take a martial arts course or just make a dummy poster on your wall of a person and X the areas and try some strikes. If you can though and don't have to get physical, of course it's better. If they have a weapon, get away from the person and if you can, go the principal's office and report it. If you have to act casual to do it, but you should do it soon so that the student doesn't know and doesn't have the time to ditch the weapon. There are pretty strict rules on it and you don't have to say you narced even. You can go on with your business. If you don't tell them, tell your parents. Seriously, tell someone.

7. Don't Hold it In and Let it Build
Don't hold in the frustrations of bullies and let it build till you either explode or it effects your life and able to focus on things such as school work. You are there to socialize, sure, but also to earn that diploma and move on. Keep in mind that bullying does not happen after you graduate as much, if at all. Once you are away from those people you won't really see them so much and in college, this childish stuff doesn't happen without severe penalty. Jobs don't let that stuff happen. People want you to work or get an education and that is your focus after school. Don't think that you are always going to be 'on the bottom' because it simply won't happen. Most of those bullies may not even graduate because they are too busy proclaiming their 'dominance' to pay attention to their school work. If they do, good for them.

You can move on to better things and in the real world outside of school you can take the lessons of being bullied to do some good in your life and know that is not the type of person you should be. They didn't learn social skills as they should have and it will show as they age. Bullying leads to worse crimes of domestic abuse etc if they don't learn better. You, however, can know what it is liked to be picked on, pass the lessons onto your children of how to get around it, and become a stronger person, having endured it.

So in the end, don't let it bring you down! This forum is a great idea and I hope if anyone can be helped from being bullied and get around that, then this is also a great outlet. Also, feel free to vent on how crummy they are. No one will see it here who is bothering you at school. Sometimes just getting it out can help a person feel a ton better.

 

Well, one time a few weeks ago I was walking back home when some big guy stops me and tells me to give him $100 right now. I didn't have that much, so he started to hit me to the ground and he kneed me in the face. He then pulled out a few of my teeth.

 

I'm sorry man. Did you seek justice on him?

 

No, he said if I attempted to hit him, he'd kill me, so I just keep quiet about it.

 

Does he do anything to you anymore? Shoot, I got bullied ounce, but I beat the crap out of him. I just couldn't take it anymore......I never wanted to cause him any harm, but I exploded. I hope you don't do that, I hurt him pretty bad....

 

People say that because they don't want you to tell or they get in trouble. Seriously, if something like that happens again, you should tell your parents or the authorities. What he did was worse than bullying. People like that will go after others and say those things to make you afraid so they can see how long they can get away with doing the deed.

I hope you are okay and he's not coming after you anymore. Someone did something very similar to my sister with some friends and smashed her face in the cement and she cracked her teeth. I came home from the army and went after each one and said if they ever did something like that again I'd make sure to come home and they wouldn't be troubling anyone again.

 

I just don't want to take the chance since I saw what he had done to a kid before.

 

But that's what he wants, he wants you to fear him. You should travel in numbers next time. Plus, if he has stopped, I guess you can let it go. I wouldn't want it to haunt you though......

 

Numbers are always a good thing, but trust me that yhough it might help, it might not, I once was just walking past with my friends when this one guy came up to me and tried to start something, I just pushed him out of the way and walked on, then he comes up me from behind and starts pulling on my arm, when I look around I see my friends standing their watching, I go "Thanks, for the help!" I then had to swing the guy off me and pushed himon the floor. So tough numbers help, make sure the people you bring with you are dependable.

 

Good point. I've had great friends like that too before. I do fortunately have better friends now heh. Ah the memories.

 

What needs to be done by anyone is this, and remember this is in general. Someone trys to start shit with you, turn and just beat the crap out of them. Don't let people take you for a sissy punk kid. Even if you are one, never let it show unless you need to. Self-confidence is all that you kids need and nothing more, as long as you walk around with some sense of pride and you don't take crap from hardass jerk off people you got nothing to worry about.

 

Ohh wow, glad you thought of me, really, I'll be happy to help people out in anyway.

*reads rest of thread*

EDIT: I disagree with you spitfire, taking it isn't a good thing(especially in this case of DW), but neither is trying to beat up someone who has an intent to kill you if you do. What I suggest is traveling with friends on your way home, find one that has to go by your house on his/her way to their house anyway. I'd suggest something extreme, but I'll only do that if it doesn't work out. Stqanding up to most bullies who can seriuosly beat the crap out of you isn't good, because you will find that you have some bones broken in your limbs.

 

Self confidence isn't arrogance. You should know your limitations. However, telling someone to back off and go your way is self-confidence. Telling someone you'll f**k them up when clearly you might not be able to is another and you are likely to only get messed up yourself. However, even if someone is bigger, it doesn't always make them tougher. I've dealt with people bigger and it didn't matter really. I had the determination and power.

Fighting though isn't a good thing. It's better to be strong mentally and try to get out of it if you can. If they grab you though and start beating on you, then you fight back. Go for vitals, weak spots. If they are armed, if you can't fight back, tell someone. They FEAR you telling someone, and you have the evidence they messed with you by your clothes and wounds you receive, so they try to 'beat it into you' to not do it. These kids can be expelled from school for that behavior and also put in D-homes if they are that bad. They fear being told on and if they do not, it's because no one has bothered to do anything before and lets them get away with it.

 

A good piece of advicefor thoughs who don't want to be in a fight but to stop bullies is, show them you have power and confidence.
Show them in a non-violent way that you could kick them to the ground without actualy doing it, show them that if the time comes you could fight without fear, people want to see you cry or suffer, just show them you can't be broken, then you will find peace.

 

Ok, let me repharse it then, not so much that be the first thing you do. If it is constant that is a different story. The main point I was trying to convey is just not to walk around like an easy target. Plenty of kids can't stand up for themselves but as long as they keep their chin up no ones gonna bother them. Unless said person is that big of an *******

 

Hey Anniexo can I join your counseling group. I'm a student mediator in my school so I handle this stuff all the time.

 

Tell us what advice you would give to Dual Wielder, help Anniexo make up her mind.
And she is away for a while it could help.