I was watching this show the other day when the host said there’s no reason to be friends with an ex unless you have a child together. While I agree, I do also think that there are plenty of reasons someone could still be friends with their ex. I mean, if the relationship was great, and you guys still get along, I see no reason to not stay friends if that’s what you want to do. Personally, if me and my current bf were to break up, I’d still be friends with him because we have a lot of history together, he used to be, and still is, a good friend to me, and I honestly just couldn’t see my life without him in it. What’s you guys’ opinion on staying friends with an ex? Is it for you? Is it not for you? Are you friends with an ex? If so, why? Why not? Are there rules?
Nothing wrong with continuing to be friends with your ex is all I have to say. Your current partner should trust you enough.
Yeah, I mean I don't see any problems remaining friends with someone you used to be in a relationship with - as long as you get along, there's no bad blood between you and both mutually agree that they can move on from being in a relationship then why not? In my experience, this has strengthened friendships for me rather than wreck them.
If your ex is a cool person then yeah, why not? You just have to be the type of person who can handle it. Basically, if you have an addictive personality (like me), give them a wide berth until you're absolutely sure you've stabilized. Sometimes it helps to be in another relationship before you try, sometimes not. It's all very touch-and-go, as with most romantic subjects.
It is complicated, if you have gone through some deep **** that made you broke up, there is probably not a chance that some friendship survive it. Because you loved each other so much that you felt like you should be together for ever (or for a great period of time), most of the times it will not be a trivial thing that will break you apart. But there are exceptions, you could not be attracted to that person anymore (maybe you were never), but are good friends, or maybe you break up and met again years later when it was water under the bridge and that thing doesn't appear to be a big deal anymore.. or you both have found new person and left that petty argument behind and saw that things worked for the better. If one of the parties didn't had the same amount of commitment as the other, or maybe you were too naive when started dating, or even you broke up for third party reasons that had nothing to do with your relationship: 1) You have a son/daughter that doesn't want to date 2) Your life styles are completely different and you don't see as much as you want or have different views about the world 3) You have to move and the relation dies because of the long distance Most times when you say "We should not date anymore, but we can try be friends" is like saying "Your dog is dead, but you can still keep it."
It depends on the situation and it also depends on each person and how they feel. If they were strictly together just for "the relationship" then I doubt they will actually stay friends or be friends at all in general. If they went from best friends to dating, then perhaps they could go back to how they were in the past. However this is just something that can't be "calculated" or something. Each person lives and thinks a different way.
Never worked out for me in the past so, for me, I'd say it's not a good idea. Doesn't mean others can't do it. Obviously a lot of people have had plenty of success with doing that kind of thing.
Ahhh I was waiting for this thread!! Being friends with an ex is insanely complicated, and well I hope the following video points out why: Alrighty, I say this as someone who is friends with their ex, it's very difficult. My ex and I care about each other quite a bit, and we're open and honest about a lot of things. But when he starts telling me about other girls that he's tried to get with and he keeps saying to me "Kat, I can't get a girl to like me, I don't know what's wrong with me I feel so down and lonely etc etc" It takes so much self control to not turn around and be like "YOU POOR THING I'LL TAKE YOU BACK WE CAN MAKE THIS BETTER I SWEAR LET'S GET BACK TOGETHER!" Because he also likes to guilt trip me about dumping him, as a joke, but it gets to me. There's the other problem which is pointed out in the video. I have false hope. The thing about being friends with an ex is you have this tiny belief that you're going to get back together at some point in your life, and that's really hard especially when you know the other person has moved on. The next thing that I think is really something in this video, ask yourself honestly: Do you want to attend your ex's wedding? My ex and I broke up 2 years ago and I am still dreading the day he moves on to another girl, let alone gets married! And I know I'll be invited to that wedding, and I'll look like a horrible person if I say no. Lastly, and I think this is the most important and difficult part of being friends with your ex: you can't move on. Like you literally cannot move on. The amount of care you still have for your ex is so goddamn high that you still cannot imagine being in a relationship with anyone else, thus you can't move on. My ex and I have such a high care about each other that I fear getting in a new relationship would mean losing him, which is what usually happens after a breakup, but when you're friends with an ex it's like you never really lost them...I guess. This is why I'm also fearing the day he gets a girlfriend, because most of my guy-friends who get girlfriends just stop talking to me, and I don't want that to happen with him. This is because my ex has pretty much become my best friend, and here's the thing about being friends with an ex: Provided the relationship ended on good terms, you'll get yourself a true friend out of it. I don't trust anyone, care about anyone, talk to anyone or laugh with anyone more than him. Because we get each other, and we know each other on a more personal level than the rest of our friends, we can be really open and honest. He is actually a very nice, sweet guy who really cares about me. That is something I wouldn't trade for the world. So it really is up to you. There are so many difficult and complicated things that come along with being friends with an ex, but if you guys can develop a civilised and true friendship out of it, then why not? :)
As more of a response to the video more than your reply itself, I don't really agree with it. Spoiler 1. Yes you can't turn of feelings but they can and have faded over time with most people. 2. You can break up with someone and have neither person hope that it just resolves itself and goes back to how it was. 3. That's not really a huge issue, seems kind of petty to me. 4. If you are actually their friend, you would generally wish the best for them, that includes them being happy with someone, even if it isn't you. 5. Okay more stuff about Facebook, I don't really see how this is a big deal as people don't even need Facebook to coexist in society. I don't have one and I am doing just dandy. I've had past relationships, and I am in one that is currently going just fine. 6. Not every friendship boils down to "let's talk about sex", and even if some work that way you can just NOT talk about it with them. There is a choice you know... 7. "You'll probably sleep with them again because friends get drunk...." Umm, is this just filler to make the list have "10 reasons" because this doesn't really make much sense. Sure it may have happened to some people, but that doesn't mean it will happen to all, let alone most. 8. People heal, and move on. Anyone and I mean ANYONE can hurt you. Your best friend, parents, the love of your life, one of your past girlfriend/boyfriend(s), some dude on the street, etc. With that in mind, avoiding someone you broke up with just because they are your ex is just going to cause things to be awkward. Talk with them and move on, its possible. People have and continue to do this all the time. 9. People can move on, if you don't want to that is your choice. It isn't some impossibility and YES you can even attend their wedding without feeling anything "bad". 10. If blurry lines are a problem, don't make them blurred. Communication is key in a relationship, but it is also key in any sort of friendship. It really bugs me when people talk about communicating with an Ex like it is the plague. I am not saying everyone should go back to being their friend, but talking about it like it is some impossibility or it is some gravely wrong move is just plain unneeded.
Apologies, I didn't mean to say that being friends with an ex was a terribly bad thing or that it was impossible, I simply meant it's quite difficult for some people, especially in the "moving on" sector. Also, at the end of the video she says that this doesnt apply to everyone and that she is also friends with a few of her exes. So it definitely is possible...I don't really think anyone considers it a completely bad move anyway. It depends on who you are and whether you think you could hold up a friendship with that person.
I think it is only difficult if the feelings are one sided. You can be friends with an ex with both parties have moved on. However, sometimes the case is that one person got the crappy end of the stick. If they do not move past that and try to be friends, it probably would not work. I'm really good friends with my ex as well. It became difficult for me when I had my own feelings to deal with. I care a lot about him as a friend. During the time before I got into another relationship (which was 4 years ago) I would get the feelings you would get too. They would tell me about other girls/girlfriends and I did get a little jealous and frustrated. In the end, you have to realize that maybe you won't ever be together again. I had to learn that on my own. It is hard to tell yourself that the person who you thought could be the one that they weren't. These thoughts can hinder your future love life and potentially his. You miss out the opportunities that have been waiting for you because we get blind-sided by our emotions and holding on to something that may or may not happen. I just asked myself that question. HELL YES I would attend my ex's wedding. He's happy, he found someone to share the life with, why wouldn't you go and support your friend. As a friend, it is something you should do. Anyone has the ability to move on. It is if you choose to let it happen. I'm best friends with my ex, I consider him to be one of my close friends. There is a difference between caring and not letting go. You care for your ex, but do you care for him as the person who you had a relationship with or do you care about him as a friend? You have to sometimes ask yourself if you see yourself ever getting back together again or try to keep that past relationship in the past. I think the idea of guy-friends leaving you for their girlfriends is kinda sucky. It deals with outside factors. If they ever did stop talking to you, they weren't a good friend in the first place. Sometimes girlfriends can be jealous of the girl-friends that their boyfriends have/talk to. What is the boyfriend going to do? They would have to be forced to choose between you or them(worst case scenario). In most cases, they would try to make their girlfriends happy. I have an ex as a friend. I love it, we had a relationship back in the ancient times. Today, we have grown up as adults and continue to talk about our own futures and successes. I care about him a lot but not in a romantic way anymore. He is the person who I know will be happy for me in situations that make me happy. He was one of the first people I told about my new boyfriend. He couldn't be more happier for me. In certain situations, exes can be really good friends
Well, when I ask myself that question, I do care about him as a friend, but I do see the whole "guy friends leaving me when they get a girlfriend" thing as a trend. He's a better friend than majority of my other guy friends though, so I'm not sure if that's a problem yet. Don't get me wrong, I have let go of the relationship, maybe I'll feel different when he actually gets into a relationship/gets married. At the moment though I think I'll just feel weird about it...
All that you're talking is great! But I should mention some scenarios: 1) Why did you break up? If you LOVED HIM SO MUCH, It probably won't be a trivial thing that make you both split. 2) If things just got boring, maybe you don't like him so much, so why bother keep him/her as a friend? Sure it is possible to remain friends, I even point out some scenarios that may work: The final thing is, why they hurt you so much that you would not want them as friends, or they didn't and you don't care to keep them as friends... If there are some things that made the breaking up process easier, especialy TIME (if you see him/her after both moving on) sure it is possible! The truth is you don't know what is passing in your (ex)friend's mind so you don't know if she/he is having false hope of getting back just like: If both of you didn't get new bf/gf after 2 years, It seems to me that maybe both of you (or at least one) is still hoping to come back together, And if It does not happen both of you will be torturing yourselves even without knowing for ever.. if you became friends again after some time (and preferible after new bf/gf, but for moving on doesn't actually need a romantic pair) that friendship would be much more healthy to both! This falls to the category of something that is a little off-topic: Spoiler: The Friendzone The mystical land of the "friendzone" there are two kinds of it, the imaginary one that is widespread through the INTERNET that says "I am such a nice person why him/her doesn't want to have sex with me?" Like if people where machines where you put coins, and eventually get sex of it they call themselves "nice guys" , but are actually ******bags. The true friendzone is when someone is AWARE of your feelings, and like to have you around exploiting your feelings and doesn't want you to have a GF/BF, thus stopping your love life of happening being a toxic friendship to you... this one is real and widespread! I think you are unintentional on this "friendzone" , as you were a couple before there are feelings that both of you are aware, and you admit that don't want him to get another.. maybe you should let him go
1) without getting totally personal, he was actually getting to attached. He is a good guy, I just couldn't handle a relationship with him any more. Without sounding too cliche, I fell out of love with him, I guess. By the time we broke up, I didn't love him at all. I do wish I could take it back but it won't happen. 2) we're in the same circle. Being friends with someone for the sake of your mutual friends is actually another big thing to consider I guess. That last thing, about "your dog is dead but you can keep it" I think that's a really good point. But even if that is the case it is definitely still possible to remain fiends. Agreed. Ah! I was hoping you would bring this up! The true friendzone!! Great! Though I think what you're saying is I'm aware of his feelings and thus I dont want him to get a gf?? Anywho, I have debated whether or not this is a toxic friendship and I believe it is and I do need to let him go. For the sake of our circle of friends I can be an acquaintance of some sort, but a close friend is not particularly a good option for me, thanks for confirming that :) PS: not particularly sure if that entire post was aimed at me, sorry if I just assumed that...
It was mostly general, but the last part that I quoted you (not to try expose you or something, but because you where the one exemple in the thread! ). Actually you didn't need to respond to those questions, but you did it so well and honestly that I guess it illlustrate what I was thinking so Thanks! While doing this exercise, I was imagining "What if my bride and I broke up?" And tried to go back and forward to picture what scenarios would be "acceptable", and in my present brain storm, most of the scenarios would play bad , even though I love her more than anything today and can't picture my life without her it would be most of the time a bad ending.... Maybe because I love her such, that for us to break up she would need to DO SERIOUS **** or , dump me. Either way It wouldn't pay off for me remaining friends, because I would torture myself to go back to her, or would be so pissed about what she did that wouldn't want to see her again. If we eventually "fall out of love" like you, that maybe the case to remain friends if we are so used with each other that friendship is possible... But that falls to what I've said before about "third parties fault", like you like this person , but got a job opportunity and have to move there is no hard feeling , but you need to break up. The opposite is true as well, mutual friends could make you keep your old date as friend, because breaking circles of friends is something awful! At some points of your life those guys will stick with you for the rest of your life so a compromise between you two is better than make the friends choose between you two.
You know there's nothing wrong with befriending an Ex, but the way I see it, it could get pretty awkward. You know, like when you hug, you get too close and you would have this urge to kiss again. Or worse when he/she brings a date that you find more attractive than yourself, then it gets realllly awkward. Coming from a guy who has'nt experience that yet, I blame Spiderman and How I Met Your Mother. ._.
I see no problems with people staying friends with exes depending on the situation. I've seen multiple scenarios in my life to argue for and against it though. Like, for against: my aunt stayed friends with an ex with the full intention of hoping she could get him back. Don't do this, let them move on and don't just stay in someone's life because you refuse to let them move on. Staying friends with an ex is something common for my family surprisingly though. It's usually because my family has a tendency to date the people who were their best friends, and then they find out it didn't work out in a romantic setting, so they just went back to being friends. I say it depends on your own mental health and if you are up for it. If your ex wants to maintain a friendship with you, and you do too, then try it out. If it doesn't work, don't beat a dead horse.
I do not have an abundance of relationship experience. Even so, I have done this without a huge hassle. Everyone involved seems comfortable with it and the relationships are all healthy. I may be lucky. It takes maturity and adaptability to manage something that clean. A lot of emotional rearranging which not everyone may be capable of. I'm glad it worked out that way. Friends have a lot of value. At the end of the day, the possibility exists and I have no problem with it.
