A story of epic proportions!

A daft wee thing came to mind after all these talks of past stories in voxli.

I may decide to actually finish this one off. Who knows?

P.S I know khv members LOOOOVE to see themselves in stories. Don't be saddened if you're not in the first chapter. Many members will appear. >:3

Anyhoo, read!

Chapter 1

2012 – the year the world would end. Solar flairs would scorch the earth, Planet X would collide with the Earth, mankind would eat itself into a state of everlasting obesity – too fat to run the plants necessary to maintain human life. World War III would occur, lasting only a day as every nation launched nukes to the four corners of the earth, mutating the population into zombies who would feast on the flesh of the remaining humans. Many speculated about how our tainted planet would end but none of these predictions came close to the truth.

(Narrator's comment: I need to go to the loo. Brb)

At dawn of May the 4th, khv was hacked by a group of treacherous coders. Trolls, worms and all sorts of web crawlies simultaneously attacked the site, disposing of the few kh-vidians that were awake. The coders broke into the site's security system, resulting in a gigantic wall of flames engulfing thousands of inactive members. By the time staff arrived it was too late, the coders were in control with hordes of trolls and such at their disposal. Spdude gave the order to abandon forum. Members scattered to all corners of the internet, many perishing before the end of the Forum Assistance section. Spdude was one of those members. He was caught in a spider's web as he ran and was brought back to the coders. There they hacked into him, changing his form into ramen and ate him. Revelling in their victory the Coders sought to invade other sites to satisfy their desire for power. No army could withstand the onslaught of the ever-growing Coders. Those few kh-vidians that remained gathered in the old abandoned site. It was not much, but it offered protection away from the coder's advance. Word of this was sent out to stragglers, offering them shelter. The older members knew it would only be a matter of time before they were located, and chance of survival was minimal. Their only chance was to fight against the coder's forces.


102 years, 5months, 3 weeks, 4 days and 14 hours and 34.57 seconds later.


Starry – Sir! We can't maintain sector 17 for much longer! The Spiders are over-running us!

CtR – LAUNCH THE SPAM!


Catch the Rain - second-in-command of the khv resistant forces. Promoted from the rank of Lieutenant after the battle for Ebay in the year 2084 after securing a rare Naruto plushie from the Coders. Her cool headedness gained her the respect of the remaining members but her rare show of anger follows through with a left hook. Gifted with the ability to show super uber cute images many enemies have fallen before her.


A fighter jet flew overhead CtR, launching a Tomaspam missile into the impending spiders. Tonnes of precooked meat flattened the lines of the enemy.


Starry – Sir, the enemy has been squished!

Moshi – Like grapes!


Cheers broke out in victory.

CtR stood unconvinced at their apparent victory, evaluating the tattered remains of the battlefield. Small movement from beneath the corpse caught her eye.

DPWolf – Sir? Is something the matter?

CtR – Sound the retreat...

DPWolf – What?

CtR – We're out of our league here.

DPWolf – Yes, Sir. RETREAT!

Moshi – Retreat? But Sir, we won the bat-


A low rumble sounds from below Moshi. A hole opening up from beneath pulling her in with a set of pincers. The remaining army screamed in panic as holes begin to appear with spiders charging out.

DPWolf – CALM DOWN, YOU IDIOTS!

CtR – Everyone back to the ships!


The lily-livered soldiers scrambled back towards the ships as the spiders gave chase. CtR stops several hundred yards from the ships to let the others board safely. She checks to ensure they are all on-board and then turns to face the oncoming spiders, taking out her photo album in the process.


CtR – Now, now, which picture to use? ...what do internet spiders find cute?


The spider army bearing down on her.


CtR – Aha! Perfect!


She scanned the picture with an image scanner attached to the palm of her hand, projecting a holographic image of Spider Squirrel. The spiders skid to a halt and slowly approach the little creature.

(Spoken in spider bot language)

Spider 1 – D'AWWWWW! IT'S SO CUTE!

Spider 2 – Just look at those tiny pincers!

Spider 3 – It reminds me of me when I was a baby spider.

Spider 1 – You were half squirrel?

Spider 3 – No. But if I was I'd looked just like that.


CtR grinned menacingly as she backed away. A platform dropped in-front of her. She looked up to see her ship hoovering above, the KRS Cookies. She hopped onto the platform and was elevated into the ship.


DPWolf – Welcome back, Sir.

CtR – Misty, take us home!

Misty – Aye aye, Sir!


Misty turns the ship back towards Headquarters, leading the rest of the ships from the torn site.

The spiders still enjoyed cooing over the little spider squirrel parading for them...until it exploded leaving only a heart-shaped cloud.


Back at Headquarters


Cherry – Sir, the away team are approaching the docking bay.

Forsaken – Send CtR to the briefing room as soon as she docks.


Forsaken - Supreme Commander of the khv resistant forces. He banded the members together after the original invasion. It was him who lead the armies to many victories over the Coder's forces. Countless sites had been secured under his command. His strategic ability was matched by his skills out on the battlefield, proving him to be more than a match for any cyber beast. Living by his philosophy, “Real mean don't use weapon, only their fists!â€, he cracks the skull the skull of any troll in this path. He has been known to use a poo stick at times.


CtR made her way up to the Briefing room with DPWolf, meeting Cherry en-route.

Cherry – Welcome back, Commander! Colonel!

CtR – Evening, Cherry.

DPWolf – Cherry.

Cherry – How was the mission?

DPWolf – We were ambushed! Damn Spiders came from below and caught us by surprise.

CtR – Is Forsaken in the Briefing room?

Cherry – The Supreme Commander? Yes, sir. This way.


Cherry showed CtR and DPWolf into the Briefing Room where they met Forsaken, Guardian Soul, Cariad and The Fuk.


Cherry – Commander Rain and Colonel Wolf are here to see you, sir.

Forsaken – Thank you, Cherry. You may return to your work. Inform us of any news on the other scouts.

Cherry – See you later, CtR, DPWolf.

CtR – Thank you, Cherry.


Cherry left the room. CtR and DPWolf sat themselves round the table situated in the middle of the room. Forsaken sat at the head of the table, his hands clasped with his head resting on them. GS, Cariad and The Fuk sat opposite to CtR and DPWolf.


Forsaken – Report?

CtR – Failure. The enemy had us severely outnumbered, most waiting underground.

Forsaken – Casualties?

DPWolf – At least 20 of our own members were killed in action, other injuries are non-life threatening. All members of sector 17 were lost.

GS – Sector 17?

Cariad – Pokemon forum. A gold mine for Coders. Most likely looking for a shiny Mew.

CtR – They won't be hacking into anything there.

Forsaken – Exploding love?

CtR – It was...a last resort...I took no joy in it!

Forsaken - ...of course...

CtR - *cough* Anyway, how is the situation here?

Forsaken – Bad. Cariad?

Cariad – We are suffering heavy losses on all fronts. Our ammunitions and weaponry are depleting...and we're out of bacon. Our supply line has been severed.

DPWolf – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BAAAAAAAAAAAACON!


DPWolf lunges over the table and punches GS out through the window down 23 floors. CtR moved her chair slightly out of DPWolf's arms reach.


Cariad - ...b-but we're working on hijacking some trucks of bacon from the Coders and reconnecting our lines.


DPWolf – That should be top priority, Forsaken! I will lead the assault myself!

Forsaken – The bacon will come in time.

DPWolf – BUT I NEED MY BACON!

Fuk – The pigs will be grateful.

DPWolf – You'll be next out that window, scout!

Fuk – Sorry, Sir. The pigs will be sadden by the news of not being eaten by you.

Forsaken – Can we get back to discussing, oh you know, HOW TO PREVENT OUR MASSACRE?

DPWolf - *grumbles* I want my damn bacon.


DPWolf - Colonel and personal guard to Forsaken and CtR. Loyal to her friends, unmerciful to her enemies. Her berserker ways have struck fear into the cyber hearts of the enemy, and many of her fellow members. No armour is thick enough to offer protection from her razor claws and teeth, and it is not uncommon to see her bit off the heads of her foes and toss them at their comrades. A tactic found to effective to drive off weak-hearted coders.


Cariad – There are also reports from intel of the Coders locating and reviving banned members.

CtR – How did they manage that?

Forsaken – Hacked Final Fantasy sites and used Phoenix downs to revive them. But banned trolls are the least of our worry.

DPWolf – What's worse than a troll Swordser and her dog?

Cariad – KairiNamine and Ginta have been sighted in an enemy's camp by our scouts.

CtR – Oh my-

Fuk – And the coders seem to be building something. What it is we don't know, I couldn't get close enough to see.

DPWolf – That's it. We're doomed. It's been a pleasure, my friends.

Forsaken – There may be a way...

DPWolf – A way? There is a way to defeat banned members and super spammers on top of the army that we are losing to?

Forsaken – We recruit veterans and other groups.

DPWolf – We have asked them before. They declined. Why would they help us now?

CtR – That was over 25 years ago. It's only time they are found and killed...if they haven't already. They have a better chance with us.

Cariad – We have located the RP'ers, spammers and most of the veterans.

CtR - But even with them we are no match.

Forsaken – There is one other group...

DPWolf – Who?

Forsaken - ...the Sistahs...

CtR – No! NO! We've tried searching for them before and we lost dozens of members. It was a complete disaster. They are gone, Forsaken!

Fuk – The Sistahs? But they're a myth!

DPWolf – Ha! You're too young to know the truth. The Sistahs are indeed real. They ruled before your time.

CtR – They left the forum a few years before the war broke out. Nobody knows where or why. After that things on the forum began to fall apart...and most of the smexiness left. So much smexiness existed then... Why would you even consider this-

Forsaken – We know roughly where they are.

CtR – Why did you not inform me?!

Forsaken – This is an act of desperation...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, i lied. It's not epic. xD

P.S The internet has no understanding of ageing.

 

Oh wow, I laughed quite a few times at this, mostly at how you combined war with internet language.
...And DPWolf's Bacon. Oh the Bacon.

Were you watching Lord of The Rings while writing it? xD

You should've posted it later tonight, when more people were active. Not this early o:

 

Awesomeness, I lol'd at BACON. I want bacon noaw. :(.

I want more parts really soon, this could be a story of epic proportions ^_^.

 

Give Wolfy the damn bacon.

 

I just had some I can send some through my USB port.

 

Oh come on! I'm there for one line and I get punched out the window! I laughed but I want to know what my job was?

 

lol, no. I wasn't watching LOTRs while watching it, but that's a good idea. xD

And i'm thinking of eating some bacon. It tastes so good!

I shall start writing ch.2 later tonight.


GS, you'll find out later. xD

 

x3 Now you're making me hungry for bacon.
;D*Liking this story so far. x3

 

I loved this story. I'm such a smart ass, it suited me.

DPWolf – BUT I NEED MY BACON!

Fuk – The pigs will be grateful..


xD

 

Is your avatar a square condom?

 

Lool this is epic. I feel honored to have bacon dialogue. B|

 

l LOVE THIS.




MOAR.

 

No ... just no.

 

I wan a part in this next time!
If Moshi got a part, I want one.

Epic story though xD I lol'd SO hard at DP's Bacon.

 

;D To see how this story develops? DO*WANT.

 

*bumpbumpbump*

KITTY, CONTINUE THISSSS!

edit: Please? :333

 

Lol old thread is old.
But win all the same.

 

Dude, wat. .-.

+\LOCKED/+