A Second Chance

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Rhiscx, Oct 16, 2011.

  1. Rhiscx Banned

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    Ok, not the best title in the world, but it works so far with my story. I guess I'm writing for the heck of it. Got a lot on my mind, this is the best way to clear it, so without further ado, here I go.

    Ch1. The End

    Skies full of dark clouds and lightning striking everywhere two warriors are clashing with both swords and spells in the distance. The first, and our brave defender of a crumbling world, Kimberly Adams clashes against her power nemesis and former high school friend James Knox now known as Lord Zark. This battle has raged on for days now, but it seems this battle is coming to a close. Kim falls to the ground. Blood dripping from the wound on her chest where Zark had struck her with his blade. Zark still floating above her laughs, "Ha ha ha!! Give it up Kim! You never had a chance to beat me. And now, this world will be mine to rule!!"

    Kim staggers to get up and look up at her nemesis.Is this how it's going to end?, she thought to herself. But suddenly, she remembered a secret technique that she had learned from her master, the power of "Second Chance". Kim draws her breath slowly and prepares herself for the spell replying, "You may have won in this time, but not in the past!!!"
    Before Zark could respond, Kim drew a symbol on the ground and chanted an ancient spell, and in the next moment, her body laid lifelessly on the ground.

    Yes. this tale begins with the moment she died. But with death would bring the beginning of a new life.



    That is all I'll write for now as I am pretty tired and I have college tomorrow. Leave your thoughts and comments below. Either way I'll be sure to keep adding chapters any chance I get.

    Ch2. There's no place like Home...

    "Kim. Kim! Kimberly Adams it's time to get up!!"
    A woman's voice rang through the house. Kim instantly threw herself up from the bed. She got up and scanned the room. Her room. The room she had grown up with. All seemed like one of her dreams she had experienced since the battle had started, but now a reality once again. "Okay mom I'll be right down" she replied.
    "Mom" she thought. I never thought I would say those words again. After getting dressed she went down stairs and greeted her mother.

    "Good morning sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"
    Her mother wore a white and pink apron with her blond hair in curls just thee way Kim had remembered her. Kim smiled softly, trying to hold back tears. "Yea. Had a rough dream last night."
    Her mother frowned. "Oh Kim. I know you miss your old friends and school, but this high school isn't so bad. I'm sure you'll make a lot of new friends in no time."
    At first Kim was about to ask what she was talking about, but she remembered; This was her first day transferring to Roward High School.

    Kim quickly wiped her tears away. "I know mom. Your right. I'll be okay".
    Her mom's smile returned. "Well you better leave now, or you'll miss the bus".
    Kim was about to turn and leave, but she suddenly ran to her mom and embraced her. "I love you so much mom. I wish I had told you more".
    Her mom with a confused look hugged Kim and rubbed her back. "Aww sweetheart, I love you too. Now you better go, or I'll have to take you".
    Kim let her mom go, waved and got on the bus to Roward High School. When Kim was out of range her mother put her head down and sighed. "So...it's already begun has it?"

    That concludes chapter two of this tale. Again leave your interesting and creative comments below, and Llave, tell me if this style is more appealing to the eyes. Thanks I'll be adding more tonight, I hope.

    Ch3. High School Again

    Kim got off the bus and stared in awe at the building as all her memories of the school rushed back into her mind. At least the classes won't be so difficult this time around, she thought to herself as she walked toward the entrance. But I can't forget my objective. I have to find Zark and kill him now while he's weak so this horrible war doesn't happen. As she was walking into her homeroom, two girls had bumped into her and Kim fell to the floor. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" the first girl exclaimed.
    "There you go again. I swear you look where your going." the second girl piped in.

    Kim brushed herself off and looked up at the two girls. They looked familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it. "I'm really sorry."
    The first girl said and extended her hand out to Kim. Suddenly, Kim remembered exactly who they were. She quickly jumped up and hugged both of them. "Jay!!! Amber!!! It's been too long!!"
    Both the girls awkwardly accepted the hugs then backed away. "Jay, you know this girl? 'Cause I sure don't." Amber said looking at Jay.
    "I've never seen her before. But she's a real good guesser, so we can skip introductions at least."
    Kim realized the fact that this was their first meeting, so of course they didn't know who she was. "Sorry about that." Kim said blushing. "You both just looked like someone I know. My name I Kimberly Adams. But just call me Kim."
    Jay smiled. "Why hello there Kim!! It's nice to meet you. I hope we can be good friends. And so does Amber." "Yea whatever." Amber threw in.
    Kim smiled saying, "Oh, I doubt that will be a problem."

    The three walked into homeroom, as it turned out they had the same class together. Kim took her seat, waved at Jay who was waving at her from the opposite side of her, and then began to scan the room. No sign of him. she thought. One minute 'till the bell, still nothing. Is he on to my plan and won't show? Maybe I should go look for him myself. Kim was about to get up when the bell rang and the teacher walked into the room. "Alright class, take your seats. Now I can tell that for a lot of this is your first year here so I will explain the rules here."
    Before the teacher could continue, a young man peeked into the room with his head down. "E-excuse me. Is this room 115?"
    All eyes were now on the boy. "Why yes it is young man. You must be the new addition to my class. And your name is?"
    The boy waked into the room and raised his head. Standing at six feet tall, spiky brown hair, flattened down, and silver-blue eyes, the boy responds, "Yes. My name is James. James Knox. Pleased to meet all of you."
    It was him. Kim had found her target.

    That's chapter 3 for ya'. More to come soon.

    Ch4. Target on Sight

    “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Knox. Please find a seat anywhere for the moment.â€
    James scanned the room looking for a seat, but the first open seat he picked happened to be right next to Kim. Kim began to tremble, slightly though so that no one would notice. James took his seat and the teacher continued where she left off.

    “Hey there. I’m James. What’s your name?â€
    Kim was still trembling. So much that she almost missed his question.
    “Sorry. I’m Kim. Kimberly Adams.â€
    At that moment, she instantly slapped her mouth shut. How could she have just given her greatest enemy, who was less than a foot away, her real name? “Kim huh? That’s a cute name if you don’t mind me saying.â€
    Before Kim could respond, the teacher’s voice came over them saying, “Mr. Knox, and Ms. Adams! If you wish to flirt, do so when you’re not in my class, understood?â€

    Both James and Kim began to blush, and remained silent. This may be my only chance, she thought to herself. She shot a glance to see if James was watching her, and thankfully he wasn’t. If I use an inferno spell now, I can get him and be out of here before anyone notices anything. Kim silently put her hand under the desk so no one would see the spell she was about to conjure. She drew the spell under the desk and cast the inferno charm directly at James.

    But there was no explosion of flames that came next. Instead black smoke began to rise from under the desk and the whole class was aware of it now. “Fire!!†someone in the class had screamed.
    “Quickly, everyone out of the building†the teacher shouted!
    The class got up so abruptly that both James and Kim were lost in the crowd of students and teachers.

    What’s going on? Kim asked herself. That spell should have worked. I did draw it right. Why did it fail like that? As the students were returning to class, her teacher halted Kim. “Young lady. I think we should we should have a talk with the principal.â€
    Great. Kim thought. Now what’s going to happen? But deep down, she already knew where or who she was going to meet next.

    Ch5. Blast from the Past: We Meet Again

    Kim was lead by her teacher to the principal's office and silently walked in. The office was rather small and the chair was turned around as the man was looking out the window. "Mr..."
    the teacher began but was quickly cut off. "It's quite alright. You may leave us now."
    The teacher backed out of the room and closed the door behind her as quietly as she had entered. "So, you are Ms. Kimberly Adams."
    The man still did not turn to face her. "Yes principal Hatgard...or should I say Master of the 5 Lights?"
    The man slowly turned to face her, expressionless as he spoke. "So, it seems you already know who I am and what it is I do. In that case...turn around and lift your shirt."
    Kim was a bit confused. "Wow sir. I don't remember you trying to approach me in such a way."
    But the man's face was a stern as he said it, and without another word Kim did as she was told.

    Upon doing so the master spoke. "As I thought. You have used the Second Chance."
    Kim was shocked on how he could have known such a thing, but he continued. "The seal you drew is now engraved into your back. And that tells me at some point you died, am I right?"
    Without a word Kim nodded her head and turned to face the man who had once taught her all the spells and swordsmanship she knew. "By using Second Chance I assume you know what this means?"
    Kim was about to reply, but as she thought about it, she really didn't know anything of this spell and only knew that it had sent her to the past. "You used this spell, and yet you did not think of effects and consequences of your actions? And you claim to be on of my pupils."
    All she could do was put her head down in shame and embarrassment for forgetting one of the main rules of spell using: "Never use a spell unless you know everything about it."

    "Well, it's quite alright my dear. I'm sure desperate times called for such measures. So while your here, let tell you just exactly what kind of challenge you have placed upon yourself."

    Ch6. Blast form the Past: Unintended Meeting

    Kim's mom was busy washing dishes, looking out at the bright sunny day and hoping her daughter was safe and sound. While she was putting away the last of the dishes, a huge burst of wind came out of nowhere and forced her to shield her eyes for a moment until the wind was gone. After what seemed like a second, the wind was gone and everything returned to normal. All except that when she retuned to the counter, there was a letter placed in front of her that was not present before the wind had picked up.

    She picked up the letter, went to sit in the living room, and began to read it. Even though reading this letter only took a few minutes, it felt as though she had been reading it for hours. When finished, she looked up, wiped the tears form her eyes and said softly, "You can come out now. I know you have been here the whole time."
    In an instant a figure wearing white from head to toe with white bandages across their face stood before her. "Dian. It has been far too long."
    The voice was hard to hear due to being muffled by the bandages. "I see you wasted no time in contacting me." Dian said calmly.
    She continued. "Tell me, how long have you known about this?"
    The figure stood silent for a minute then responded, "Longer than you could imagine my dear."
    "And her....powers?" Dian hesitated on the word.

    Despite knowing her daughter was not like most girls, the idea that one's child would be destined to save the world is never an easy thing to deal with. "They...she should be fine. But all that she had learned has been lost. I'm sure the master is explaining this to her as we speak."
    Dian nodded. "Yes of course your letter..." her thoughts trailed off.
    The figure turned. "I'm sorry Dian, but I can't stay for too long, and at this point neither can you."
    Dian quickly rose to her feet. "Wait! Will I be able to see my daughter again?"
    The figure turned their head and replied, "Do as the letter says. I can not promise you anything else." And with that he vanished into a ball of light.
    Dian stood alone, then got a pen and paper, and began to write exactly what the letter instructed her to do. "I love you Kimberly. I wish I had more time too."

    Ch7. Blast from the Past: We Meet Again pt2.

    Kim had taken a seat and listened intently to the master as he explained the situation to her, and the effects of the second chance.

    “Now listen and listen well Kimberly. I will only tell you this once, and it is important that you remember this. Second Chance as you’ve seen has allowed you to travel back to any point in time you have already experienced. In this case, you chose this time. However, there is a price of using this spell. For one the seal on your back is a sign. All those who are magically awakened are aware that this is not your first time here, except the target you are after.

    The seal is also a curse as well. When a person dies, usually the soul leaves the body, and it returns to the great seal to be re-summoned again. However, the seal imprisons the soul into that body. If you should die, you will not be able to leave that body. This is your last chance at life. Please don’t fail again.â€

    Kim slowly rose from her seat and nodded. “Don’t worry master. I swear I’ll not fail you or the world this time.â€

    As she was about to leave, the master halted her. “Wait a moment child, there is more.†I’m sure that spell you tried to cast failed correct?â€

    Kim froze and turned around. “Yes sir. How did you know?â€

    “Along with getting that body back, you have also the spells and skills of that body. Although your spirit has the potential to cast powerful spells, this body of yours is not up to the stamina anymore. Therefore, you will need to retrain in all the arts that you once knew.â€

    Kim was distressed by this news but she smiled and said, “Don’t worry. All I need to do is remember what I did before and I’ll…â€

    But the master quickly cut her off. “That’s the other thing Kim. I would not be relying on your memories for help at this point forward. Trust me, it is best to forget what future you have seen and focus on this present time.â€

    Kim really wasn’t sure what he meant, but he always had a habit of being mysterious. So without a word, she nodded and left the office to return to class.

    Ch8. Blast from the Past: Unintended Meeting pt2.

    “Dear Diana,

    If you have received this letter, then you must know what dangers await us right now. You probably already know of your daughter’s condition, and the challenges she’ll have to face alone. But there is a way for you to help her.

    I certainly hope you remember that old coot Merlin. I understand you and him did not meet on good terms last time, but regardless there is something I need from you. I am no fool. I know Excalibur is still with you, no matter what the books say. You must take that blade out again, and make sure your daughter gets it before they do.

    I fear our enemies have called in powerful reinforcements, so I am also seeking Masamune out if he is still with us. Also, I think it is time your daughter learned the truth. I suggest writing it as a letter and leaving it for her in a place only she will be able to find it.

    I would love to chat with you more. But by the time you accomplish all that I have written, you encounter an unfriendly adversary.

    Until we meet again,
    Y.L.H.â€

    After The man in white's departure and writing her own letter for Kim, Diana went back into the kitchen and grabbed what looked an ancient wooden spoon. "My my. And here I wondered all this time whether to trow you out or not."
    She quickly ran upstairs, got into the shower and blasted the water as cold as it could get. For most this would cause the normal human to go into hypothermia. But as once known as the "spirit of the lake", this was the way she always took her morning showers. With her hair undone, and now soaked from head to toe, she began to wave her hand over the wooden spoon. Within an instant the spoon was gone, and in it's place was a sword that shined of blue gems and pure silver. This was the one sword. "The King maker" as it was once called, Excalibur.

    When the process of summoning the sword was complete she held the sword closely to her as if she were hugging it, and if you listened carefully, you could almost hear two heartbeats in that bathroom.
    Afterward, Diana came back down stairs only to be greeted by a man she had never seen before. "So, you must be the target I've been told about" The man smiled as he said this.
    "I'm sorry. My home is for friends and family only, and you seem to be neither. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
    The young man looked around. "But of course madam. Just give me the sword, and I can on my merry way."

    Diana looked at the man with stern eyes, and suddenly recognized the young fellow. "I'm sorry...Hades, but that sword is not for you to wield. You of all people should know that. Remember what happened to Lucifer, and where he is now?"
    Hades shuddered. He knew what she meant, and did not want to end up the same way. Diana continued. "How about this Hades, If I go the underworld with you, will you leave this home alone? I understand Persephone is not with at this time."
    The god pondered for a moment trying to calculate the possible threats, but being alone again, his mind was not so clear. "Very well. If that is what you want. I'll leave this place alone. But...I can't promise the same for your daughter." Before Diana could say another word, they both disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

    Ch.9 Gone with the Wind

    Kim had finished the rest of her day in silence, thinking about all that the master had explained to her. Although she was upset and confused on what the master meant about not trusting her memories, she decided to put her thoughts on hold, and prepare to give her mother a warm embrace when she got home. Upon returning, she opened the door and called out, "Mom!! I'm home from school!"
    But no response. Kim walked slowly in, closing the door behind her. "Mom? Are you here?"
    Again silence. Kim knew her mother would never leave the door unlocked if she was going out, and she would have left a letter on the door if she did.

    Kim began to panic. Running through each room to see if her mother was sleeping. But alas, no sight of her anywhere. Suddenly a knock came the door. Kim rushed to the door, hoping that it was her mother, foolishly forgetting to leave a letter and had returned home. To her surprise, and disappointment, it was not her mother at the door, but a child. He seemed to be wearing a black hood, and holding a scythe. Before the boy could speak, Kim interrupted him. "Sorry little man. But it looks like your a little too early for Halloween. You should get back home, and I'm kinda busy at the moment, so sorry".

    As she was about to close the door on him, the boy spoke, "Now that seems a bit rude. Don't you think.....Ms. Kimberly Adams?"
    Kim slowly turned to face the boy who now had a ver wide and creepy grin across his face. Just who on earth is this kid? She thought to herself as her eyes widened.

    Ch.10 Dark Meetings

    Hades and Diana reappear from the smoke to be found in a dark and eerie place. Strangely enough, this isn't the underworld at all, and the aura in the air was more fowl than Diana could have imagined. "What's going on here Hades!? Where are we!?"
    But Hades just stood there, silent. Suddenly, his eyes turned pitch black, his skin white as paper, and then he vanished. "Well, it seems my power finally wore off." a voice stated from the darkness.
    Diana looked around looking for the source of the voice. "Who's there? Show yourself!!"
    Then from the darkness in front of here came a figure completely coated in a purple armor. But his armor was strange looking. It seemed as though it was completely made of books of some sort. "Forgive me for my rudeness Diana. Or should I say, "The spirit of the Lake"?
    Diana did not flinch or give any look that would make the figure think she was thrown back. She had never seen this man before. And the power he possessed was unfamiliar to her as well.

    "So, what is it you want from me?" Diana continued to stare the man down, just in case he tried anything, she would be ready.
    "Well, I should think it was obvious. I wanted to get Excalibur. But you had to hide it just when my pawn had arrived."
    Diana clenched her knuckles. Hades was no pawn. She had known him from a time before. He had such a good heart, but he just so desperate for love that he had made a few mistakes. But she never thought he was evil, and to hear this man call him a pawn, it was difficult to hold back throwing an attack. "What was that you had done to him?" Diana asked through clenched teeth.

    "Well you see I-"
    But before the man could answer, another voice could be heard. "Now now Drew. Can't go spoiling everything now. It's just too soon."
    Before Diana could find the source of the voice another man in a black cloak had appeared out of nowhere behind the man in the armor. "Sorry master. I guess I got a little carried away."
    "Well, if you ever do it again, I'm always ready to tear you up."
    This was another voice, but, this time Diana recognized this voice. It was none other than the great Murasame. Sure enough he appeared in his shining red armor he had worn the day they had met. Soon others could be sensed, but did not bother to show themselves. "So, what is a bunch of miscreants like you up to?" Although Diana tried to sound stern, there was no mistake the shudder in her voice realizing how much danger she was in now.

    This time only the man in the black cloak spoke. "All will be revealed in good time miss. But first we must obtain Excalibur and your daughter is also a vital key. But......the sword is already with her isn't it?"
    Impossible! Diana thought. She was sure she had hidden Excalibur's aura well. But it seemed not enough to trick this figure. "What are planning to do to my daughter?"
    The figure turned away form her and spoke, "Well.......your daughter may have cheated defeat against the dark lord, but I'm afraid she can not......cheat.....death."
    Before Diana could react, Murasame and Drew had slipped behind her and held her arms. "What do we do with her? Dispose of her?"
    "Not yet." The figure replied.
    "Put in the chamber. Her purpose is not yet finished."
    Without another word Diana was taken away.
    Kim! Please be safe.... Diana remained silent and wept as she was dragged away.

    Ch.0.13 0*26%8#

    "Hey there. My name's Andrew. You can call Drew for short. What's yours?"
    "Oh, hey. I'm #890!. Nice to meet you."

    0456#$19

    "So, you ever watch this anime called Bleach?"

    001956&$

    MEMORY LOST

    Ch.11 Gone with the Wind pt.2

    "Who are you!? And how do you know my name?"
    The kid didn't move at first. Suddenly, he slowly raised his right hand into the air. "Kimberly Adams..........Prepare to meet......Death."
    Before she could respond, the boy summoned a giant scythe, and lunged toward her! A quick up-swing form the scythe, but Kim instinctively dodged it.
    "So, you still have muscle memory it seems." The child's smile was gone. Now serious, he attempted to fire a cloud of magic at her. Kim dodged it, and the cloud destroyed the entire kitchen.
    Kim ran upstairs, trying desperately to keep a distance from death, but he was close on her trail. Kim turned around and tried to cast a wind burst had him.
    Sadly, to no avail. Only a small burst of wind shot out and was deteriorated only by the quick approach of Death. Magic won't work......But I still have my physical strength....., and with that, Kim had a plan.

    She quickly spun around to face Death and started to cast the fire spell she had attempted to use at school. Like before, clouds of smoke poured form her hand and completely covering Death's view of her. He stopped and quickly spun his scythe with a pinwheel-like motion to clear the black smoke. When it was all dispersed, Kim was no where in sight. Death looked left and right, but only saw an empty hallway with two closed doors on both sides of him. Then it hit him to look up. Too late.

    Kim had clung herself to the ceiling above him and as Death looked up, he was greeted with an unearthly heel drop!!!! To an ordinary man, an attack like this would kill him inane instant. But Death wasn't ordinary, and he certainly wasn't man. The blow did drive the childlike body of his into the floor, giving Kim ample time to ruin back downstairs and outside. As she ran out, the sprinklers in the front yard turned on, but Kim wasn't focused on that, she silently waited for death to appear from the house door and plan her next move. "Are you waiting for someone, Ms. Kimberly Adams?"
    Kims heart stopped for and instant, and as she turned to face the source of the voice, Death was already behind her and used his scythe to cut the right side of her face. Suddenly Death vanished again, and was now in front of her again. His scythe now tainted with some of her blood, he used his thumb to take the blood and write her name on the scythe. "Now that my scythe has the name of it's next target...This battle is over."
    Death raised the scythe in the air, spun it and said two words, "Reap, Omen."

    Ch.12 Dance With Death

    With those words spoken, Death chucked his scythe, with a force so strong the water from the sprinklers was blown every where. Kim saw the scythe spinning toward her, but she was ready for it. At the last second Kim jumped perfectly over the engrossed weapon and then charged toward Death who was now defenseless. But not for long. As she dashed toward Death, she sensed movement coming from her left. As she turned her head, there was the scythe, and one again it made contact with her, this time on her arm. Kim halted her charge and jumped back away from Death as the scythe retuned to his hand. "Silly girl. Don't you see? Now that Omen has had a taste of your blood, it will always find it's target. So now, no matter where you hide, no matter how much you run, you can not escape death......."

    Meanwhile, back at the mysterious enemy's hideout, the cloaked figure is gazing upon a machine of his own creation. It was vast, with what appeared to have an hourglass in the center, and on top of it, a strange mass of red energy floated majestically. "Very soon.......This world shall see a change. Everything that I fought for shall soon come to pass. I need now is....."
    Before the figure could finish, the man in the book-like armor appeared before him. "Sir. Dian.....I mean....the prisoner has been locked away".
    The figure turned his attention from the machine to the man. "Very good. Now, what of the boy"?
    The armored figure hesitated, almost as if he was looking for the right answer. The figure spoke louder. "Drew! What of the BOY"?
    Drew replied, "My condolences. It seems his powers have not awakened yet. Therefor, searching for him now would be find a needle in a hay stack".

    The figure did not reply at first, but it was apparent he was annoyed. "Hump. Very well. On to the next phase. Drew I need a book from you".
    Drew suddenly became excited and grinned. "You got it buddy!!!!! So, what kind are you looking for"?
    The figure smirked. "Get me one on folk-lore creatures. It's time we went out and found someone who can awaken those powers. We must have James Knox in our hands as soon as possible".

    Ch.13 The War Begins

    Kim continued to pant hard, trying to figure out just how she was going to beat this kid calling himself Death. And with everything she had seen him do, there was no denying it. Before she could finish her thoughts, Death launched at her again, slamming Omen into the ground. Kim managed to dodge at the last second, only to lose her balance quickly and fall on the grass. The cool water of the sprinklers hitting her face, as if it was telling her to get up. Death stood over her and smiled. "This has been quite fun, but now it's time for you to die!!!!"
    As he lifted his scythe into the air to deliver the final blow, Kim noticed something on the ground and reached for it. Then Death brought the scythe down, and by instinct, Kim used the object to block the attack. What she had picked up was in-fact a wooden spoon. However, this spoon was different. It did not break under the pressure of Omen and successfully blocked the attack. "What's going on here?" Death demanded.

    As if to answer his question, just as the sprinklers' water touched the wooden spoon it began to light up and transform into a sword. Death's eyes widened at the sight he was seeing. For this was no ordinary weapon. This was a sword of legend. The "King Maker", Excalibur. Kim was just as surprised, but before she could say anything, it appeared the sword was controlling her, dragging her onto her feet and and rushing in to clash with Death. He did not expect this and quickly moved to defense, but it was not enough. Kim charged at him with speed and strength that should have been drained from her since the fight. Then with a swing of Excalibur, the water of the sprinklers became ice shards and began firing out at Death while completely avoiding Kim. Death now annoyed rather than surprised, yelled "Enough!!!" and summoned a huge burst of energy from the scythe to destroy the ice shards and knock Kim to the ground.
    "Look, it's not that your no fun or anything, but this has gone on far to long. PLEASE JUST BEHAVE AND DIE!!!!"
    Death tossed Omen directly at Kim. Knowing that she wouldn't be able to dodge the attack while on the ground, and having to energy to lift the mighty sword, she simply closed her eyes and waited for the end.

    The end however, never came. A pillar of light flew out nowhere and struck Omen into the ground. "Come now Kimberly. I thought one of my best students could do better than that."
    Kim opened her eyes and saw her master standing in front of her. "Master......!"
    "Don't worry child. You worked hard enough. Now........it's my turn."
    Death was confused, but focussed his attention on the master. "The Master of the 5 Lights eh? Alright show me what you got."
    The master looked with an expressionless look. "The fight is already over." And with that he began to turn his attention to Kim.
    "What the hell are you talking about!?" Death tried to lung toward him, but was stopped. A light symbol that took up 2/3 of the yard activated from under him.
    "You were always too reckless as a child Death. You failed to notice I was there the whole time."
    With that the body of the child was torn away by a blinding light and vanished as Death's scream pierced the sky.
    "Master. Did you beat him?"
    "He has been sent back to the shadows injured......but he will return. He always does."

    Mean while, the mysterious figure and Drew are walking down the dark streets of Paris.
    "Ah Paris........though I would have loved to go to japan."
    The figure continued walking. "When this is over........we can go wherever our hearts desire."
    Drew looked around. "I'm surprised the ones we are looking for are here, of all places."
    "Just stay close to me and there will be no problems. Tell me did you bring them?"
    Drew checked his armor. "Yep. All set."
    The duo found an old down bar with a large character guarding the front. "What can I do for you two this evening?"
    "We are here to see some........friends of ours. Are the twins in tonight?"
    The guard may have been surprised, but his face was covered. "No one has had business with them for centuries. What do you have to offer?"
    The figure nudged Drew as a sign. Drew responded by pulling out crimson jewel. The guard looked pleased. "Oh.....very nice. Please right this way. Welcome to Club Tsul."
    As the two walked in Drew whispered, "Tsul.....what a strange french name."
    The figure continued to walk. "It is backwards for lust. Now stay focused. And don't look anyone in the eyes."
    They made their way through the club. Almost everyone was having fun and dancing all different kind of ways. The only thing similar was that everyone had sharp fangs and bright crimson eyes. Finally they made it to the back where one door stood. Drew took the lead and knocked. "Hello!!! Anyone home?"
    The figure moved Drew aside and blew the door down. Both entered to find two individuals surrounded by other men and women. The figure spoke. "I do hope we aren't interrupting."
    The twins, one male and the other female looked up surprised then annoyed. "And who invited you to our party?" they both said in unison.
    "Oh, don't tell me you forgot our agreement..........Succubus.......Incubus."

    And this ends volume one of my story. If you wish to read more please get this over 1000 views if you won't respond. I hope you have enjoyed vol. one of Second Chance.
     
  2. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    I remember you telling me about this story! Dude, I don't remember what happens next so write more xD

    Overall this beginning was quite suspenseful, I enjoyed it. The only thing that I would point out would probably be the structure of the paragraphs and the way things are visually presented. Other than that, very nice. Hope to see more of it!
     
  3. Rhiscx Banned

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    Gracias amigo, will do. As for structure, do you mind giving a more detailed explanation so I can fix the problem?

    And I can't believe you actually remember this. I thought it went in one ear and out the other...
     
  4. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    No I remember, I think I know what happens a bit more, but I'll leave you to telling the story.

    As for the structure, I suppose it is more of the structure of playwriting. I was assuming it would be more of a novel and thus, more fluid like a novel than a script. Such things like having the name of the speaker with a dash by it. Also when Kim thinks to herself: "Is this how it's going to end?" would be; Is this how it's going to end? since she is thinking it, not saying it. Hope that makes things clearer.
     
  5. Iskandar King of Conquerors

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    hmm, it seems like you could do really well with this story. You and I should take a look at each other's when we work more on it. I have had the chance to work on mine, but I just always get sidetracked, and I need to actually get things down for my characters so I'm not just winging it. Right now I only have 4 chapters, and you can see them on here, if you haven't already
     
  6. Rhiscx Banned

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    Ah yes. I still have play/script format in my head. Sorry I'll change it tomorrow cause I'm too tired right now. But I'll remember and keep that in mind. Thanks again.

    Thank you very much. Yea, I'm more of the "has-it-in-my-head" kind of people. It looks like I wing it, but its just all in my head. As for your work, I believe I have read it before, but maybe I didn't comment on it? If you could give me the title, I could find it faster and refresh my brain, which is running on nothing right now...
     
  7. Iskandar King of Conquerors

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    The title for mine is "The Brightest Light", although I've thought maybe I should change it to something like "The Last Light" or whatever, to make it sound a little more interesting. But yeah, it's all in my head too, but what I do is I write and basically wing what I want. I have the plot, but I really just write what comes to me, and it turns out relatively fine. I mean, I need to work on them, but really, I just want to finish the story, and then work on it.
     
  8. Rhiscx Banned

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    I think I did read that one. Was that the one with the girl that turns 16 and she is then sent to her original world to defeat the darkness? If that is not it then my apologizes. If it was than it was a good work indeed. would definitely want to read more.
     
  9. Iskandar King of Conquerors

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    yeah, that's it. Bit cliche, but I'm hoping I don't make it that way the whole thing. But come on, I've played things like Final Fantasy and Legend of Dragoon my whole life.
     
  10. Rhiscx Banned

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    Oh I didn't find it cliche. I really like it. And who hasn't played those games? I just recently got into games like COD, but I'm always going to be a FF fan by heart! Just go with what's right to you, be passionate about it, and it'll be alright. Well, that's what I think anyways.
     
  11. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    A lot better, definitely easier to read and follow. The only thing i see in here are minute typos, but that's it. I love the second chapter as well! The last line... so good, that got me wanting to know more. Well I'm still waiting to see if your gonna do what you said when you first told me... I'll have to wait till you get there. But great job!
     
  12. Rhiscx Banned

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    Arigato my friend. But I'm failing to see where you highlighted my flaws.

    And there's plenty more good stuff where that came from. *coughs* Kitsune Triangle.
     
  13. Iskandar King of Conquerors

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    Did I just hear the word Kistune? This I've gotta tune in for.

    But yeah, this version is a lot better. You've got a lot more detail, but you're forgetting a pretty important thing with dialogue.....the next line. Any time you start new dialogue, you go to a new line, even if you only have like 2 words from the person.
     
  14. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    Oh the third Chapter, Very nice! Still haven't found what i was thinking of. (Oh and I thought there were more mistakes in here...)

    Oh gawd, Kitsune Triangle. I don't think the world is ready for that yet xD

    It was a manga that BS777 and I co-created/ he wrote and I drew.
     
  15. Iskandar King of Conquerors

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    darn, I guess I was thinking of something else....can I see what you guys did?
     
  16. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    >_>

    <_<

    Oh so many pages to be scanned... I suppose, but it would be BS777's call. He created it.


    You are a great story creator man, I do hope to read more as soon as you can get it done!
     
  17. Rhiscx Banned

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    Oh. That ain't too bad.

    The world is ready. Because I'm ready...

    Llave, don't jump the gun!!! We may have lost a reader...

    If your truly curious, I can shoot you a PM of the first chapter. Only because the original is in play/script format, and sending all chapters would probably crash my computer.

    And now I want to know what you were thinking of my friend. If by Kitsune=fox? You are correct sir.
     
  18. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    I smell a paradox here...

    When will you have the next chapter done, I'm hooked to it!
     
  19. Rhiscx Banned

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    Good or bad??

    It's late for me, but my class don't start till 1:30 pm so I'll have it by then I'm sure. Sorry about that.
     
  20. Llave Not All Who Wander Are Lost

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    Just read the update to chapter six.

    ...Wow. This is magnificent! I love the tense story plot and all the secrets that we do not yet know. I want to know more now! I think the "consequence" of Second Chance is what I was thinking about. They... I think I know what it was now. But I'll wait till you reveal it. Great Job bud. Seriously, this is quality material here.