A not-so-standard help with life thread.

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Glen, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. Glen Returned from the dead

    Jan 18, 2011
    So, tonight I got deep. Reeeeeeal deep, and I figured I would vent here. This isn't a complaint, no ranting or anything like that, I just wanted to share this personal moment with the community that has become like a second home to me; a message of inspiration almost for those who think there's no way out of a horrible situation.

    February the 4th, 2015

    Just got out of a shower, and showers are generally when I get real deep and into my thoughts; this time was no different.

    I saw an episode of The Flash, where he was dealing with his past and came to the conclusion that fear of something that happened 14 years ago was keeping him from moving on. It got me thinking; how true was that for me? Obviously without the 14 years part, but wasn't I essentially doing the same thing?

    This Ornithophobia, I've had it since I was a kid, but it never truly screwed me over until a year and a half ago. What happened at that time? I got a job, and I was actually socialising. Change. It's what occurs to mess up with what's happening in your life, making it either better or worse. My natural paranoia usually thinks it's going to be worse.
    So, upon realizing that things were changing...did I just shove the fear of change onto a bigger fear? Is my fear of birds really not as big as I make it seem to myself, and it's more an excuse to not get a job, and not progress?
    Magpies attack people, but they never really hurt them too badly, certainly not enough that I should screw up my life because of it. Maybe it's time I overcame that fear and- actually, you know what, i'm not even calling it a fear anymore. I'm going to call it exactly what it is; an excuse. An excuse for not doing anything that would jeapordise the life i've got right now, an excuse for not getting a job and pretending i'm perfectly fine with it.

    These last two weeks that I've been dating a girl, i've been plagued with paranoia and the same questions over and over again: "How can I make others happy if I can't make myself happy?", "What if I can't be the boyfriend that she truly deserves?", things like that. And...I think I found some answers tonight. God I love you comic book creators, you guys solve some of my biggest life issues with your shows, haha.

    If I can't make myself happy, then I can't make others happy, right? Wrong. I bring joy to plenty around me, I just don't let myself see it. When I'm in a call, plenty of comments I make bring joy and laughter to my friends, and even when I'm not trying to be funny, they know they have somebody to come to if they have a problem, that I'll listen to them. And just knowing that they know that brings me a small amount of joy, enough to put a smile on my face, and that's a start.

    As for not being the boyfriend that she deserves...well, I think I set the bar too high, though probably not in the way most would think. In my opinion, she deserves nothing short of perfection. But, perfection isn't a thing. Nothing's perfect, no matter what people say. Fear, sadness, everything associated with that, it's all part of being human. Being in a relationship isn't about making each other constantly happy, it's caring about them for who they are, seeing them at their best and worst and not judging them, just being there for them.

    So, maybe I don't have to be an absolute god when it comes to being in a relationship. She's seen me at my best, and at my worst, and she still cares about me (god only knows why XD) so obviously I'm doing something right! So I just have to keep being myself. Not the sad, depressed me; that guy is done, I want to be full of the laughter and joy that I hope to bring to others, and I want THAT to be the me that gets the opportunity to be in a relationship with a woman.

    Tomorrow I go to hand out resumes and try to get my licence. Actually, no. Tomorrow is the day I go to get a job and get my licence, because there will be no failure. And if there is, if I'm wrong, then I'm going to keep going at it until it works, because I've lived this lifestyle far too long. I have the motivation to change, and for once in my life I'm genuinely not afraid, I say bring it on, I can handle whatever comes my way!

    So yeah, that was a diary entry in the diary I've recently started (damn it helps). Criticism and such isn't needed, and I don't particularly need advice since as you can see I am feeling much, much better. I just wanted to put it here so people know that it does get better.

    If anyone reading this has issues of their own and need someone to talk to, I would be more than happy to help in any way whatsoever :)
  2. cstar stay away from my waifu

    Dec 19, 2008
    I just want to let you know in a not-so-standard way ... I did in fact read this thread but it was like, 7am when I read it and I wasn't fully awake. I remember passing out as I tried reading it not because you were boring, it was a great speech, but because I couldn't stay conscious. But it got into my head subconsciously even though I couldn't remember the content specifically.

    I got to school, we had a two hour delay, and I had a coffee and was doing my best to stay awake throughout school and I came across the girl I've had a crush on for a long time [for the sake of having a name, let's call this girl Emily, even though that isn't her real name]. I'm not really one to come out and really admit to a crush, especially since this person was a close friend of mine and I know how her parents are, they are both very religious in their own special ways. Emily also just... doesn't seem like me when it comes to sexual orientation. Hell I can't explain my own because one minute I'm loving a girl, I'm loving a guy, I don't even know.

    I have been afraid to tell her my feelings. I was worried not as much about rejection, but over whether or not we'd still be friends after that. I was worried that Emily might turn out to be as super religious as some of my other friends and she'd leave me alone. It's not that I haven't come out of the closet before in this school, it's just a matter of whether or not she'd still accept me. Whether thing would be the same.

    So of course, everytime I looked at Emily, the words "are you afraid of change?" kept coming to mind. all day today, completely random and I couldn't figure out why. But it eventually built up where I had a near breakdown in calculus today. But that's when I realized: I have been using so many excuses to not just go and tell her already.

    Not entirely sure what came over me but as we were walking home from the school bus I pulled her to the side so Emily's sister and my brother couldn't hear me. And I just kind of said awkwardly, "I've been meaning you tell you this for a while but... I like you... but not like in the friend way. I still like you as a friend but like, I like you as more than a friend. And I'm not sure how you feel but I needed to tell you."

    After a couple of minutes we came to the conclusion that she didn't like me the same way, but that wasn't going to stop her from being my friend. And she thought I was a moron for waiting for so long if I felt this way for two years [yeah, two years of this is ridiculous looking back on it iunno]

    So I got home feeling this huge weight off my shoulders and I came back turned on the computer and saw this and realized, "Oh... so this is Glen's fault."

    Didn't get to respond sooner but I guess now is a better time than any to just say, thank you for sharing this.

    Wow it has been a weird day.