A Life it has Been

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Mysty, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. Mysty Unknown

    Dec 7, 2011
    My darkened state has come across as unwilling
    Happy I may be but something feels like its missing
    Air is all around me, but no matter my effort, I cannot breathe
    My life has meaning now though, I no longer wish to leave

    There is a cold breeze that will extinguish my burning cause
    Fear of what it may be: a beast? A ghoul? something with claws?
    None of these though are the root to my deep stem
    A history of disappointment is where this story must begin

    The vision of light would blind, forcing me to adore the moon
    The sun and its rays would leave me to my doom
    I had to take precaution by dispersing this blinding light
    This made me different, which caused me and others to fight

    “A genius, a boy of talent, something real bright” my seniors said
    No matter the reason they gave, my motivation was dead
    Each year of learning started and ended the same
    First succession, the soon after, a spell would end my fame

    I grew up with my parents who loved each other, still do
    But the anger towards me has left a puddle of blue
    I try to impress and give them some hope for my future
    As time goes on, that goal goes farther and farther.

    There was also some past experiences with love
    A girl I had gotten in trouble from for knowing to much of
    Another interest had no glue, or tape, or even a stitch
    My first real love had come to cheat, she was a real *****

    Not is all bad in this depressing tale of which I speak
    I have some happiness still and its anything but weak
    Where there is tears of sadness and extreme pain
    lies a rainbow of joys that make me never complain

    There are those that cherish me as if I were a brother
    A lucky coincidence was each of us together
    Whether it was through school or some social networks
    When I am with them in creates a chain of fireworks

    There are also little critters to whom will always be there
    They will always be with me because I know they care
    They are the colors that follow: Orange, calico, gold, and white
    When they are with me my heart will always feel right

    Then there is this new happiness that is in my life
    A new girl, a new love, someone I can see to be my wife
    Even though our journey together has just begun
    I know our passion for one another is eternal as the sun

    Now this is where I am in this small tale I call the present
    A gift has made itself clear, a gift so pure and innocent
    Although my past has been dark and unclear
    My future looks bright with you beside me here
  2. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

    Apr 2, 2010
    Indiana, USA
    Excellent work ^^ Spelling and grammar looked a-okay. The emotions in the words come off strongly, as a good piece of poetry will do. The rhyming scheme could use a little work, of course I hold no value to a rhyming scheme. For instance the words "networks" and "fireworks" are similar, yet they don't exactly rhyme. I have to give you props though, I rarely see poems this lengthy anymore. Length isn't always a good thing, but it gives this piece that "edge" that sets it apart. Nice piece ^^
  3. nasirrich King's Apprentice

    Jun 7, 2008
    I'll end you on the spot so watch your six
    Very well done Myst, but... I have to say this

    This line right here
    My life has meaning now though, I no longer wish to leave
    It confuses me a bit where you say your life has meaning currently though you no longer wish to leave. Was it supposed to be done that way on purpose or did you mean it someway else?