>_> I can't think of a title yet :(

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Catch the Rain, Aug 21, 2007.

  1. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Apr 2, 2007
    The Labyrinth


    This be an intro into a story ^^ it isn't fantastic I know :) but I promised someone I would post it, and he has done a heck of a lot for me lately so I owe him that :)

    Oh yeah comment if you like :) and feel free to criticise I already know it sucks ^^

    I would be interested to know people's opinions.

    *breathes* kk here it is then.


    Le Introduction, (I guess a prologue? I know it is short ^^)

    The air was cold; a chilling cold that could freeze the heart and steal the mind. There was a smell of burning in the air; burning mixed with the smell of swords, fire mixed with the bitter sweet smell of a battle. The cool pine fragrance of the forest cuts through creating patches of clean freshness for the lone figure. Walking onwards, walking for what seemed an endless eternity, and never looking back. The only sound was the wind chasing through the tall trees and the distant call of birds, everything else is silence, silence broken by footsteps.

    There is no real sense of time the present flows through the past and dances with the future leaving confusion in its wake. Blinding white threatens to dazzle all who dare look, a blinding white that has smothered the ground and the trees which try to stand tall. The figure continues on never looking back always marching forward, marching, marching to where? Only they know the answer. It’s cold. A fatal cold. A chill which threatens to take all who wander into its grasp. The wind rises as the shadows lengthen but still the lone figure walks on, walks until arriving at an archway created by the forest that surrounds him.

    Leaves overly the passage above him and the quiet becomes deeper. Stepping forward he steps into a clearing, a clearing void of all signs of life. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. White lies beneath Scarlet red, scarlet red runs from ebony black. Dark waves surround the palest skin, lying how they tumbled when she fell. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen….and also the most terrible.
  2. keylbader_twilight Traverse Town Homebody

    Apr 19, 2007
    Ontario, Canada
    If this is how the intro is, I can't wait till the chapters are up! ^^
  3. O R A N G E C is the heavenly option

    Mar 30, 2007
    between an erupting earth and an exploding sky
    You never stop amazing me, CtR
  4. Rosey Chaser

    Apr 15, 2007
    That was a very good prolouge.

    It gave a fantastic description of the area, but you didnt really go into depth about the charactor.

    Good job ^^
  5. Bou Banned

    Aug 21, 2007
    I'm going to be honest, it was good, but I think you need some criticism too...

    To me it felt really rigid and stale. It felt as if you were trying too hard, and lost style and a natural flow and feel to your writing. I can see what direction you're going in with the use of writing tools, but you portray them in an unnatural, solid feel that made me feel like I was reading it off a chalk board in a Freshmen History Class.

    I'm sorry if this was a bit harsh, I wasn't trying to be mean, but it really felt rigid and if you could find your own style and flow it'd be great :).

    PM me if you ever want proofreading or any help, or just general tips based on this little Prologue.
  6. Soku Hollow Bastion Committee

    Feb 25, 2007
    Heaven's Dawn
    Hmm, for a start, that wasn't awful at all. Now, i'm interested for the first chapter.
  7. La Sofa ('_')-l3 No worries

    Apr 5, 2007
    Seems good so far! Keep it up! I am wondering what happenes next! ^^
  8. JellyBeing ALL. THE. BUTTS.

    Mar 24, 2007
    It was good, but I have to agree with Bou. I'd like to see where this is going before I put in my full "two-cents."

    Keep on writing. =D
  9. venster You never heard of me, but I pop in time to time

    Jan 24, 2007
    Let's see...I love the detail, but a little too much? O-o I dunno, but I like it. ^_^
  10. Peace and War Bianca, you minx!

    May 25, 2007
    Cisgender Male
    Describing a battlefield, is not an easy thing to do, its different for everyone, some feel the pleasure in killing, while others fear, some even are devioud of emotion.
    This is a very good description, and more detail the more curious, I hope you put more up. ^^
  11. FUZZY SWEATER Hollow Bastion Committee

    Jan 27, 2007
    always in your heart...no not really
    i love that you detail everything!
    cant wait for the chapters