The Rules

My god. What did I unleash?

 

I never got this at all. How do women go to the toilet? Do they jump on it with their arms in the air? That's how it always seems like whenever I hear various women talk like this. Loop before you leak. However, I do always put the seat down, even if I'm alone. I just find that the toilet looks better that way. The only place I don't put it down is in restaurants and bars because, ew, I don't want to touch that germ-filled toilet seat.

 

I guess these rules are the reason I don't have a girlfriend yet.

 

oh just a horde of men a women taking their stances on what you said. So where's the nearest bunker to hide from this atomic thread?

 

Let me paint a picture for you:
We don't face the toilet when we plop down on it, it's the same as sitting on a chair. There's really no instinct of "LET ME INSPECT THIS TOILET SEAT," especially if it's a house you're accustomed to. Also I don't like looking at toilets in general, when I think too much about them I can't use them.

 

Exactly.

That said, I've never actually fallen into a toilet seat before, but I've come damn close to doing so when my dad has come over.

 

Wait, you don't? You can use the back as a table and eat like a bowl of cereal while using the restroom. It's awesome.

I understand not looking at the toilet before sitting down, but don't you see the toilet when you walk in?

 

For the record I haven't either, I have come close as well.

 

only time I've come close was when the seat was up without me knowing, and I wasn't really paying attention and just as I come close to sitting down I realize what i'm about to do and barely manage to pull myself up. Gravity nearly gets me every time

 

In one of my bathrooms I do, but the other one is very small, I end up just sliding in without facing the toilet.

 

But don't you use your hand when sitting down? Like, to check that, for example, your chair is actually there? Or that the toilet seat is down? And if it's not down you go "Ew, my hand is filled with pee and poop germs!". I do this at least, because I wouldn't want to find out that my chair is gone mid-sitting, or that the toilet seat is up for that matter. Women are weird.

 

No? haha
That's probably why I fall for the "dohoho gonna rip your chair out from under you as you're sitting" joke, come to think of it.

Also I'm shocked we've made it this far without that SITTIN' ON DA TOILET video

 

You should come over for dinner some time. I'll bring the girl I like too. We'll all have lots of fun. And maybe I can show her how good I am with kids.