What am I?

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Hiro ✩, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. Hiro ✩ Guardian

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Gender:
    Enby
    3,222
    Okay, so, a year or so ago, I made a friend who I am still in contact with. At first, I saw her as just that, a friend. But, as time went on, we started to grow closer and I began to have feelings for her.

    For most of my teenage years, I have yearned for that one girl or one friend that I could talk to about anything. My problems, my favorite TV Shows, etc. This friend (we'll call her L)was both of those things. She's a wonderful friend, and my ideal girl. Now, I know I sound a bit judgemental, but it's just me >_>

    Anyway, she's recently gotten a boyfriend, and, well... I find myself attempting to spend more time with L. I'm not trying to keep her away from her social life, because as bad as mine is where I don't get invited ANYWHERE by my so-called "friends", I wouldn't want her to sit at home like I do.

    Anyway... What am I? Am I just trying to spend time with her because I consider her a VERY close friend? Am I just jealous? Or am I a silly little boy with a stupid little fantasy crush that will never be reality? Help... I'm literally at my limit and just want to change who I am completely because I can't form connections with people outside the Internet or know if they're really my friends...
     
  2. Amaury Legendary Hero

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ellensburg, WA
    1,692
    I see nothing wrong with spending time with her at all, despite her having a boyfriend.

    I have a very good girl friend that graduated during my sophomore or junior year -- I don't remember which -- here, and it was her birthday one day at school, and I gave her a hug. It meant nothing but a happy birthday. To add on, before this, I was thinking of asking her to be my girlfriend until I later discovered she had a boyfriend. This all took place before the birthday hug.

    Luckily, that didn't get me down, so I'm not sure if that's the best example. All I can say is to just continue being friends with her. If the boyfriend gets jealous, it's his own decision and nothing you did. Just like children's parents can still interact with each other after a divorce, students can interact with other students who have boyfriends or girlfriends, except that they weren't married prior to it.
     
  3. T3F Chaser

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    809
    Its not often I agree with Amaury but in this case I think he's absolutely right. There is nothing wrong with spending time with her even if she has a bf. If he gets jealous, that's his problem but that just means he's not trusting L (but thats not your problem and you shouldn't intervene in their relationship).

    I'm gonna tell you something: when I had a bf, a lot of my guy friends just stopped talking to me. Considering the majority of my friends are guys, I found this quite annoying. The guy friends that stayed even when I had a bf are still my friends today.

    What I'm saying is don't worry about spending time with L, because chances are she's worried about losing her guy friends because she has a bf. As long as you don't over act, you should be fine :)
     
  4. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    1,299
    The more time you spend with her, the more likely you'll have your chance to win her heart. Maybe things between her and this other guy will go sour on their own, or maybe she'll see something in you that's not in him. You're an amazing person, and you deserve a chance at love.

    I'll tell you this though, words of advice.

    1. Don't ever, ever, try to pick up a girl off a rebound (if she gets dumped). That is highly inappropriate and she won't appreciate you for it (most of the time).

    2. Make sure it's over between her and the other guy before you make a move, unless you can fight.

    3. "If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, dance." -Lee Ann Womack
    • Basically, if an opportunity arises, take it. Don't be afraid to make that move (given the situation is appropriate). You can either take a swing, miss or hit the nail on the head, or you can regret never knowing what might have been.
    Just have faith in yourself and confidence. There's not a whole lot to not like about you, so I'm sure you'll do fine ^^
     
  5. Styx That's me inside your head.

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    319
    Huh?

    You care about her, you genuinely want to spend time with her...and you are jealous. They aren't mutually exclusive. And before you start feeling like you are the worst person in existence, let me tell you that this is just fine as long as you don't cross the line. Treat her relationship seriously by not making moves all of a sudden. When push comes to shove, you were too late and that's that.
    The only thing you can and should do at this point is being the person she's used to and feels comfortable with. That includes spending time with her, but not outrageously more than before. All the while you can secretly hope that their relationship falls apart at some point.

    Scrap that last part. Wait until it's really over, period. Duking it out over a girl may have been the standard in the Dark Ages, but it's at least as inappropriate as trying to pick her up after a rebound. And no, she won't care who punched first. You'd both be pricks in her eyes.
     
  6. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    1,299
    The last bit was rhetoric. I was letting him know that it's only going to end in a fight if you try to get together with a girl who's already dating a guy.

    Nicely said. The last girl I got with, I was giving her relationship advice (good advice mind you) and she ended up dumping him for me.

    If you try and throw a cog in their relationship, it'll only backfire. Just keep doing what you've been doing.
     
  7. Hiro ✩ Guardian

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Gender:
    Enby
    3,222
    I meant that I had met this friend a year ago, but fro a few years i had a vision as to what kind of girl I'd like :/
     
  8. Xalxe Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2012
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    On the move
    12
    40
    i dont think your a little kid with a far off fantasy, i think your hurt because you must have really liked this girl. now based off of my own experience, you may have to wait it out untill they break up. when they do, go for it, you never know till ya try.