This Is For Men - Only

Discussion in 'The Spam Zone' started by Toshi, Jul 22, 2009.

  1. Toshi Banned

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    xD Well not exactly, you know my posts are for everyone.
    Except for those that get edited, locked, deleted and I get infractions from. :P I'm sure you've learnt by now that it's just for fun and I have no intentions of offending. But **** happens as you all know. Sometimes it's fair and we deserve it, and sometimes we don't.


    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

    Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with 'A man once told me.'

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
    The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A female who won't do what she's told.

    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

    What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
    Divorced.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It is called Wedding Cake.

    Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

    Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said,
    'Dust!'

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, 'I haven't eaten anything in four days.' She looked at him and said, 'God, I wish I had your willpower.'

    Young Son: 'Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
    Dad: 'That happens in every country, son.'

    A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: 'Wife Wanted.'
    The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

    Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
    Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

    And, finally, Why do women get married in white?
    So they match all the other household appliances.
     
  2. Jube Formerly Chuck's

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    Three in a row now?
     
  3. reptar REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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    am i man enough
     
  4. The Graceful Assassin It's Just Like Christmas Morning

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    Wasn't that a bit shallow?
     
  5. Toshi Banned

    Joined:
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    I've done more. I don't remember my record though.
     
  6. Daenerys Targaryen ok

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    So funny.
    I laughed all the way through.
    You don't even know,I'm still laughing.
     
  7. Jube Formerly Chuck's

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    ITT: We refuse to read the first post.
     
  8. Hayabusa Venomous

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    Oh look, another copy-pasta list of "jokes".
     
  9. Shizzy Gummi Ship Junkie

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    Beat me to it.
     
  10. Boy Wonder Dark Phoenix in Training

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    copy pasted or not
    I laughed
     
  11. Sora March Twilight Town Denizen

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    Well, least you put the warning up...
     
  12. KeybladeSpirit [ENvTuber] [pngTuber]

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    This made me lawl because of its inaccuracy.
    Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. What they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For women, "equality" is a disaster.
    ~Lazarus Long

    "I came, I saw, she conquered." (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)
    ~Lazarus Long

    More like this at: http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=85919