The Rules

• We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
  
  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing about you leaving it down.
  
  1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
  
  1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
  
  1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  
  1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
  
  1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  
  1. Crying is blackmail.
  
  1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  
  1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
  
  1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  
  1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  
  1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  
  1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  
  1. Check your oil! Please.
  
  1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  
  1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
  
  1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  
  1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
  
  1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  
  1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  
  1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
  
  1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
  
  1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
  
  1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  
  1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
  
  1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  
  1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  
  1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  
  1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or monster trucks.
  
  1. You have enough clothes.
  
  1. You have too many shoes.
  
  1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.
  
  1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
  No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
  
  1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
  
  1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
  
  1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.
  
  
  

 

this is like one of those bad chain letters

 

I like how it all-

... Poo you. Although with the long hair thing... short hair forever here. :\

 

So many clichés. One that it missed though, "If you don't know what's wrong then I'm not going to tell you!"

So many times I have used that on my boyfriend. Bwahahaha.

 

I would complain about how this generalizes all of us men

but its true.

 

Sadly, I can't disagree...

 

I think the reason women complain about this is when you plop down on the toilet and the seat is up, there is a very large possibility you will fall in (at least, for me), which is very unpleasant and I would like to avoid that.

nonononono
Some chicks look really amazing with short hair, I wish I could pull off a pixie cut personally. Even so, my hair isn't very short but I'm much happier with it as opposed to when it was long. Contrary to the popular belief, sometimes ladies make themselves look snazzy because it makes them happy to feel snazzy, not because they're looking for gratification from the opposite sex (or the same sex, if you swing that way).

Aaaaaaaand this is how eating disorders begin.
Hate to be That Guy (or, in this case That Girl), but really. :L

I AM WITH YOU HERE I hate it when people talk through my programs. I mean it's one thing if we've just got it on in the background or it's something to heckle, but if I am actually viewing something go into a different room if you are going to babble.

I own five pairs of shoes and they are all sneakers. ._. One pair is on the way out, and another pair I don't wear. So.
If it is any consolation, I find the "women's rules to men" lists just as offensive and stereotypical lol.

 

Sorry, if you can't take all of 2 seconds to look at which way the toilet seat is, you might need something to remind you.

That something will be wet no doubt.

 

No. Nononono. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

You put it up, you put it down. It's called a 'seat' for a reason. It's meant to stay that way.

 

I find short hair attractive on girls. Short haired girls have a history of being better able to understand me than long haired girls. I think it has something to do with their willingness to break the norms of what make a girl "girly." Because they're willing to break that norm, they understand why I am able to break so many other social norms. I find comfort in the fact that while she sees me and accepts me for exactly who I am, it isn't because she is seeking that same acceptance in return.

Or maybe it's just a fetish. Tomato toma-to.

Incidentally, my dad owns at least ten pairs of shoes because my mom always buys all the new shoes we need at the same time. By the time my dad gets around to using his new pair of shoes, he's too lazy to throw the old pair out.

 

I accept you. ;~; but I don't suit short hair I'M SORRY

 

So, its someone else's fault that you didn't sit on the "seat" part of a toilet? I'm not seeing the logic of how blaming someone will resolve future occurrences...

And short hair on girls can be damn sexy. I know a few girls who look a lot better with short hair than long. It just depends on the style of the hair more than the length. Though I personally like longer hair on girls more.

 

Well, number one, I live in a house with all women so I am not accustomed to the seat being up at all ever. It throws me off when my mom's boyfriend pops by and uses the bathroom. Additionally, when I've got to ~*~do my business~*~, I am pretty focused on getting in and out.

 

Yes, but you only accept the me you know. I'm WAY more socially awkward in real life.

 

Like Misty, I grew up in a female-only house and, even now, I only share my bathroom with one female usually, so that's probably why it annoys me so much when I encounter a toilet with its seat up.

By blaming someone, they will LEARN. >:l Is it not common courtesy to put something back the way you found it when you disturb the NATURAL ORDER of the bathroom?

EDIT:

ur preachin' to the choir bb

 

I thought Christopher Columbus was trying to sail to India...

 

New awesome idea for girls to do in bathrooms: Sit down, do your business, flush, then put the seat up and walk out of the stall.


Yeah I know.

AND THE PLACE HE FOUND WAS WAS BETTER THAN INDIA! HE DISCOVERED AMERICA, THE LAND OF THE FREE!

 

Sure its common courtesy (I put the seat down omg) but it also sounds a little bit like laziness to me. Blaming someone only works if they'll be influenced to change their ways. If not, its not up to them to reposition a toilet seat: you're the one using it, so do it yourself.

/serious talk about toilet seats

Oh yeah, totally didn't realize the double-standards going on here,

 

Hmm? I don't understand.