So I'm just going to be all annoying and stuff, potassium?

Silver and Gold wald into a bar, the barman looks at them and says "AU, get outta 'ere!"

Okay, seriously. Someone tell me a good joke.

 

First guy: Hey, bro, want some potassium?

Second guy: K.


LOLLLLLLLLL

 

Ok, I actually laughed at that first joke.

Two men walk into a bar...

...You'd have thought one of them would have seen it

 

Ooh. ooh.

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

Sorry, I only know non- PG-13 jokes :B(:

 

FLAVIUS
Hence! home, you idle creatures get you home:
Is this a holiday? what! know you not,
Being mechanical, you ought not walk
Upon a labouring day without the sign
Of your profession? Speak, what trade art thou?

First Commoner
Why, sir, a carpenter.

MARULLUS
Where is thy leather apron and thy rule?
What dost thou with thy best apparel on?
You, sir, what trade are you?

Second Commoner
Truly, sir, in respect of a fine workman, I am but,
as you would say, a cobbler.

MARULLUS
But what trade art thou? answer me directly.

Second Commoner
A trade, sir, that, I hope, I may use with a safe
conscience; which is, indeed, sir, a mender of bad soles.

MARULLUS
What trade, thou knave? thou naughty knave, what trade?

Second Commoner
Nay, I beseech you, sir, be not out with me: yet,
if you be out, sir, I can mend you.

MARULLUS
What meanest thou by that? mend me, thou saucy fellow!

Second Commoner
Why, sir, cobble you.

FLAVIUS
Thou art a cobbler, art thou?

Second Commoner
Truly, sir, all that I live by is with the awl: I
meddle with no tradesman's matters, nor women's
matters, but with awl. I am, indeed, sir, a surgeon
to old shoes; when they are in great danger, I
recover them. As proper men as ever trod upon
neat's leather have gone upon my handiwork.

FLAVIUS
But wherefore art not in thy shop today?
Why dost thou lead these men about the streets?

Second Commoner
Truly, sir, to wear out their shoes, to get myself
into more work. But, indeed, sir, we make holiday,
to see Caesar and to rejoice in his triumph.

 

Skip on over to 1:18

 

I once visited a crematorium that gave a discount to burn victims.


A neutron walks into a bar "how much for a drink?" he asks. The bartender replies "For you, no charge"


Protons have mass? I didn't know they were catholic.


Two atoms are in a bar, one turns to the other and says, "I believe I lost an electron." The other atom says, "Are you sure?" to which the first atom replies. "I'm positive."

 

A dog walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps?"
The barman looks at the dog and says, "Wow! A talking dog! That's amazing! You should get a job at the circus!"
The dog replies "Why? Do they need electricians?"

 

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

Okay, guys. I may start judging these.... Just to add a little more fun. Or whatever.

Izzy, Aaaw! That means you can't post them here... really. Unless you cleverly censor them or something... Not that I'm trying to feed you corruption cookies...
KS/Mr-9000/PillowHead, Uhhhh.... what!?
Spike, OMFG LOL! That vid is hilarious!!!!

 

Channie, was your account hacked by Elise?

 

I'm not just sure. I'm H.I.V. Positive.

 

Pssssh. Silly little man.

South Park :D And injecting yourself with money cures H.I.V.

 

Which British Prime Minister is rather happy with his weight?

Spoiler

William Gladstone