Recognizing Friends

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Amaury, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    While grocery shopping at Fred Meyer on Saturday, I noticed two employees at different times / locations that looked like my friends -- one that was a senior when I was a senior and graduated and the other one that was a junior when I was a senior.

    I wanted to go up to them and say, "[Name]?" but I didn't because if it wasn't them and it was strangers that I didn't know, I feared I would just look foolish. Additionally, I don't know why, but I sometimes feel weird seeing or running into my friends with my mom there, even if she's not right by me. I've gotten better on that, though, because I'm fine if we're in a drive-thru, it's more when we're in stores for reasons I do not know.

    Anyway, this isn't related to my A Form of Depression? thread, because it's not so much that I miss my friends (I mean, I do, but you get my point), but that I feel bad at least not seeing if it was them. Worst possible scenario, it wasn't them.

    Am I a bad person for this?
     
  2. 61 No. B

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    Um... no?

    I don't even say hi to people that I do know in public, much less people who I'm not sure about. There's no social obligation that requires you to say hi to anybody you recognize, it's just a pleasantry extended by friends who enjoy socializing. I don't do it because I don't feel the need, no ones going to condemn you for not approaching someone you weren't sure about. Don't sweat it, seriously.
     
  3. LARiA Twilight Town Denizen

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    You are not a bad person, although you would probably respect yourself a ton more if you tackled such needless anxieties head on. They are probably baseless, and in the case they weren't? It's as you said, worst case scenario there is a mutual sense of unfamiliarity. Perhaps it would indeed entail a deal of awkwardness, but you should act heedless of that. It would last a minute, no -- three seconds maybe. You might replay the scene in your mind, liken it to a painful laceration through reimaginings. In all likelihood however, the persons on the receiving end forgot it soon as you walked out the door. Out of sight, out of mind.

    Hesitance may be misread as unfriendliness; your friends cannot read your mind.
     
  4. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    But isn't the point of making friends to socialize? Obviously not all the time, but if you see them out somewhere, don't you at least think about saying hi to them? What if they see you?

    Sometime last year, my mom and I saw the mom of one of my male friends who didn't see us, and I specifically followed her to where she went and called her name, and my mom and I had a long and good conversation with her.

    Luckily, they didn't see me, as far as I know -- at least not when I was facing toward them -- so it wasn't totally awkward, I guess, not going up to them.

    But yeah, I think it's more hesitance than anything. I mean, I used to have a big problem with going up and speaking up in front of everyone, and I eventually did it in my drama class in middle school. At that point, it still hadn't gone away completely, though, but when we had to do our oral presentations on songs of our choosing in Freshman English at the high school, I just went for it. Although when we presented our PowerPoints on research we did of famous Hispanic artists we chose in 3rd Year Spanish (senior year), I kind of made a fool of myself because I didn't prepare what I was going to say during each slide beforehand; adding to that, we had to speak in Spanish. -_-
     
  5. Meilin Lee RPG (Red Panda Girl)

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    So what if you asked if they were your friends and it turns out they weren't? Just say "Oh, my bad, thought you were someone else," and move on with your life.
     
  6. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    Yes, I know. I mean, like I said previously, worst case scenario, it wasn't them, but it's just how I decided to handle it.

    Thinking back, I now feel like I just acted like a fool.
     
  7. 61 No. B

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    The point of making friends is to have human connection when needed/wanted, that's the basis of it. Having a friend does not mean you are obligated to talk to them every instance you see them. I see some of my friends on campus regularly between classes or after classes and I usually don't talk to them. I'll wave or acknowledge them some other way, but I rarely start a conversation unless I have something to say. I'm often too busy or about to do something else. You need to realize that not everything has to be a certain way. Flexibility is allowed out here in the real world. Not only that, but it's often how most people operate. We don't live according to a rigid guideline that must be followed at all times, we're allowed to make decisions and act according to how we feel. I don't feel like talking to a friend, so I don't. I feel like talking to a friend, so I do. Seriously, this is madness. You shouldn't be questioning your entire character by having not approached someone you may or may not have known.
     
  8. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    Okay, I understand.

    I guess I misunderstood you. You initially just made it sound like you ignored them unless you wanted to talk to them.
     
  9. Xenao Traverse Town Homebody

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    It's not a bad thing not to speak to someone if you know them,
    its also DEFINITELY not a bad thing to not speak to someone if you don't know them!