"Your Pokémon..." These were the first words he ever said to me. At that moment, I was unaware of how huge an impact this young man would have on my life. I turned and looked at him funny. I would have said something, but he continued. "Just now. It was saying-" "Slow down, you talk too fast." Said my friend Cheren from beside me, "and what's this about Pokémon talking? That's an odd thing to say." Cheren was right. This green-haired stranger was... Strange. Pokémon talking? "Yes, they talked." Green hair continued, "Oh. Then you two can't hear it either... How sad. My name is N." "My name is Cheren, and this is White," he indicated towards me, "We were asked to complete the Pokédex, and we just left on our journey. My main goal is to become Champion, though." White. Yeah, strange name, isn't it? I'm not entirely sure why my mum named me that, but I wear that name with pride. It's who I am. Although, it seems to make sense to me now. But I can't tell you about it yet, otherwise I'd be getting way ahead of myself. "The Pokédex, eh? So... You're going to confine many, many Pokémon in Poké Balls for that, then. I'm a Trainer, too, but I can't help wondering... Are Pokémon really happy that way?" I stopped short... Then I looked at him. "O-Of course they are! They're friends. They help us and we help them!" I was surprised at myself. I NEVER had an outburst like that toward anyone. N looked at me, and stepped closer. "Well then, White, is it?" "Y-yeah..." Spoiler: music "Let me hear your Pokémon's voice again!" I instinctively knew what he meant. He wanted a Pokémon battle. "Fine. Snivy, come on out!" I said, throwing the Pokéball of my trusted partner. She had only been with me a few hours, but she was my first Pokémon, and I had a slight feeling she trusted me just as much as I trusted her. Snivy landed beside me, and N chose his Purrloin to begin. 'Alright,' I thought, 'he has a Purrloin. Not a horrible choice.' I figured I'd start off, so I ordered Snivy to use Vine Whip. "More! Let me hear the voice of your Pokémon!" I heard N say. Was he crazy? He certainly seemed so. N's Purrloin countered with Scratch. We kept going back and forth until Purrloin fell over, defeated by my Snivy. N recalled him into his Pokéball, and looked at me. He seemed a bit sad to see himself lose. "I never expected to hear Pokémon say such things..." He shook his head, his wild green hair flailing a bit. "As long as Pokémon are confined in Poké Balls... Pokémon will never become perfect beings. I have to change the world for Pokémon, because they're my friends." And with that, N left. Cheren looked at me. "Let's head to Striaton City. There's a Pokémon Gym there, and we can get our badge. I'll see you there." He walked off. Now alone in the quiet evening of Accumula Town, I thought more about what N had said. "Pokémon... Not happy helping us out?" I said to myself, "How is that even a thing? They don't certainly seem to mind..." I shook my head, "Whatever. He was just psyching me out so I would lose the battle. I should get Snivy healed up and fed before we go to the next city."
It's an okay start, but it seems a bit forced. While reading, it didn't have that natural flow. It looked set-up, in a way. Scripted, I suppose. I just wasn't thinking "Pokémon" as I was reading through. Interesting as this beginning is, it feels off. It just sort of starts in the middle of an important scene. Maybe if you could go back and write a bit about the day. How they came to Accumula Town and met up with N. Spelling and grammar check out well enough. Keep trying, I'm sure you'll get it ^^
Vinyl Scratch summarized much what I perceived. Even though I am familiar with the characters, I don't think anyone who was unfamiliar would have a clue what is happening. I would like to see you describe the characters and setting not only so that the visuals are clear, but it also clearly displays the author's perception of the subject matter. We don't always notice the same things, but we usually notice a great deal when we are affected by a certain medium; I want to see what Hector noticed about the matters involved since Hector is the one playing with them and creating something new and interesting. I highlighted what I really wanted to say in red in Vinyl Scratch's quote. I'll say it again for good measure: Keep trying, I'm sure you'll get it. And I want to read more... please oblige?
