kingdom hearts fanfic comp between eastercat and Nymph of Destiny

this is round one of the competition/ bet we made im the judge for the better story

NoDs entry:

Prologue

“You know you can’t win, so why even try? It is futile…â€
“You’re wrong, Xemnas,†Sora shouted, angrily. “We can win this fight. We have the strength of our hearts to guide us!â€
Xemnas glanced behind himself, watching as the brave Keyblader fought alongside his friends, Riku and Kairi, against his entire Organization XIII.
His Organization was comprised of Nobodies, beings who have lost their heart but kept their human form. They have strived to become complete and whole again, by utilizing the power of Kingdom Hearts.
Their Kingdom Hearts, a moon glowing in the shape of a large white heart, was, in fact, almost finished. It was right behind Xemnas, illuminating the inky darkness of the Altar of Naught.
The Organization had been collecting hearts to make their Kingdom Hearts, but in doing so, they had transformed many others into Heartless, creatures manifested from the darkness in people’s hearts.
Sora, Kairi, and Riku, three warriors who wielded the legendary Keyblade, had set out to stop them, but the Organization wasn’t going down so easily.
“It’s almost time, Kingdom Hearts,†Xemnas murmured, turning back to the moon. “It’s almost time…â€
Sora charged towards Xemnas, yelling an almost battle-like cry, when a dark light shot through him, pushing him to the floor roughly.
The boy groaned in pain and looked up to see Zexion, number VI in the Organization, the ‘Cloaked Schemer’.
Zexion chuckled at Sora, a slight smirk tugging at his lips.
Determined to be undaunted at this, the Keyblader quickly stood up and tightened his grip on his Keyblade.
He glanced over at Riku, wanting to ask for his assistance, but the boy was too preoccupied in a fight with Xigbar and Xaldin, number II and number III in the Organization, the ‘Freeshooter’ and the ‘Whirlwind Lancer’.
However, the moment Sora had hesitated to look at Riku, was the perfect moment for his enemy to strike.
A large boulder shot out from the ground underneath Sora, roughly bruising him and pushing him to the ground.
“Perfect timing, Lexaeus,†Zexion remarked, glancing slightly at number V, the ‘Silent Hero’. “Although, judging by how easily he was distracted, I should say I would have no trouble dealing with him alone.â€
Suddenly, Sora leapt up, ready to strike at Zexion with his Keyblade, when a large icicle grew from the ground, protecting him.
“What was that you were saying?†Vexen, number IV in the Organization, the ‘Chilly Academic,’ remarked.
“I suppose I would appreciate some help,†Zexion said, a faint smile briefly flashing across his face.
Sora grinded his teeth and held his Keyblade tightly, as he charged towards the three Organization members again.
Just hang in there, Sora, Riku thought, glancing over at him. I’ll be there as soon as I can…
The silver-haired boy raised his hand, and dark aura came out of it towards his two opponents.
Xaldin raised his arm, and wind swirled around him, deflecting the attack. Then two lances moved up and began to fly towards Riku.
The boy prepared to move, when he heard Kairi scream.
Riku swiftly turned to see her cards cutting at her skin – it was the work of Luxord, number X in the Organization, the ‘Gambler of Fate’.
“Kai –†Riku was cut off by his own scream as the two lances pierced him.
Kairi looked over at Riku and quickly regained her strength to bat the cards away.
“Riku, I’m okay,†she yelled over to him. “I can handle this.â€
“Are you…sure?†Riku asked, breathing hard and trying to keep a steady hand on his Keyblade.
“Yes!†Kairi exclaimed, moving her arms furiously to keep the cards away from her. “Just take care of yourself!â€
Riku nodded and, his resolve anew, charged towards Xaldin. He raised his Keyblade to slash at him, when he felt a sharp knife-like object stab his back, knocking him off balance and giving Xaldin the opportunity to jab at him.
Riku fell to the floor, but he quickly stood up and spun around to see Larxene, number XII in the Organization, the ‘Savage Nymph’.
“Thought you could have all the fun by yourself, Xaldin?†she said, a slight smirk playing on her lips.
Xaldin grunted and raised his lance, ready to attack Riku from behind.
This time, the boy was prepared, and he quickly dodged, his eyes darting between the two, unsure of whom he should be more wary of.
Larxene raised her kunai, which she held in between her delicately curved fingers, and electricity crackled in the air around her.
“I’m going to have lots of fun with you,†she remarked, giving a small laugh as she rushed towards Riku, surprising him with her unexpected agility.
You can do it, Riku, Kairi thought encouragingly, as she turned to look back at Luxord.
However, this time, Saïx, number VII, the ‘Luna Diviner,’ was standing beside him.
“Kairi, if you had just cooperated with us, it wouldn’t have come to this,†Saïx said, his tone of voice cold and stoic. “But if there’s no other way, then I guess I’ll have to dispose of you.â€
The claymore appeared in Saïx’s hands, and spikes grew from the end of it.
Kairi felt a shiver of fear pass through her, but she ignored it and gave him a defiant stare.
“Stop it!â€
Uncertain of who it was, Kairi turned and saw Roxas, formerly number XIII in the Organization, the ‘Key of Destiny’. He was Sora’s Nobody, and, despite being a former member, he was against the Organization as well.
“Luxord, take care of him,†Saïx said, his eyes still locked onto Kairi.
Luxord nodded and his cards flew towards Roxas.
The boy instantly drew his two Keyblades and struck them away. He then ran towards Saïx when suddenly, a circle of flames surrounded him and Luxord.
“What?!†Roxas exclaimed, shocked. “No…Axel…â€
Sure enough, number VIII, the ‘Flurry of Dancing Flames’, Axel, appeared, wielding two chakrams.
“Roxas, please, don’t do this,†Axel pleaded. “I don’t want to fight you.â€
“Just get out of my way!†Roxas shouted, raising his weapon and pointing it at him.
Just then, a geyser of water shot out from the ground underneath Roxas, striking him down.
“Demyx…†Axel murmured, turning to see, as he expected, Demyx, number IX in the Organization, the ‘Melodious Nocturne’.
“Just thought he needed to cool down,†Demyx remarked, grinning playfully. “This place is pretty hot anyway.â€
“I like it that way,†Axel said, smiling. “So, Water Boy, think you can really keep up with me?â€
“Hey, water puts out fire,†Demyx laughed. “The question should be whether or not you’re going to get in my way.â€
“Or rather, will you get in my way?†the icy voice of Marluxia, number XI in the Organization, the ‘Graceful Assassin,’ said from behind the two. “Don’t tell me you were about to have some fun without me.â€
Axel grinned and said, “We wouldn’t dream of it, Flower Boy.â€
In a swirl of rose petals, a scythe appeared in Marluxia’s hand.
“The name’s Marluxia,†he said, glaring at Axel. “Not Flower Boy.â€
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,†Axel said, nonchalantly. Then he turned to the former Organization member and said, “Time to bring it on, Roxas.†His tone of voice was confident, but his eyes showed sadness.
I don’t want a fight either… Roxas thought, as he rushed towards them. But there’s no other choice…
“Roxas…†Kairi murmured, looking at the flames surrounding him. He and his opponents were fighting so close to Xemnas, that she hoped the Superior wouldn’t suddenly decide to help get rid of the ‘traitor’.
Suddenly, she felt something hard strike her body, pushing her to the ground.
“I’m sorry, were you not ready?†Saïx said. He sounded sarcastic, but his tone was still cold and emotionless.
Kairi stood up, clutching the wound on her left arm, tears forming on the corners of her eyes.
“That was…really cheap,†she said, grinding her teeth to keep herself from crying out.
“Oh, you poor, little girl,†Saïx said. “Let me put you out of your misery.â€
He closed his eyes and raised both of his arms. The claymore flew in front of him, and he began to float, light illuminating his body.
Kairi grabbed her Keyblade, which she had dropped to the floor, and she held it tightly, preparing for anything.
Suddenly, a bright light flashed, and Kairi quickly raised her arm to shield her eyes from the brightness of it.
The moment she did so, she felt an acute pain strike her, and it pushed her against the wall, her head banging against it roughly.
She felt blood come up in her throat, and she instinctively coughed it out, her throat now feeling dry.
Unfortunately, she didn’t have much time to recuperate, as she felt another pain singing through her arms. She screamed, and, grinding her teeth, opened her eyes to search for her Keyblade that she had dropped again.
The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was Saïx, in a berserk state. His eyes were glowing yellow, his front teeth were longer, and the x-shaped scar on his forehead was slightly enlarged.
Kairi gave a small whimper of fear but forced herself to be silent.
I won’t let myself be intimidated by him, she thought determinedly, bracing herself as Saïx struck her delicate figure again with his claymore.
The spikes pierced her skin for now a third time, and another helping of blood dripped down her body to the floor. Kairi fell to her knees, coughing out the new blood that was threatening to choke her respiratory system, her fists clenched tightly in pain.
Saïx paid no heed to her actions and raised his claymore, striking the ground again, ripples emerging from it and rushing towards her.
Kairi fell to the ground, breathing hard, her mouth dry and her body aching with agony.
Saïx reverted to normal, and he looked upon her frail figure with disdain.
“Such a weak body,†he remarked, walking closer to her. “I’m surprised that you were chosen to wield the Keyblade.â€
Kairi pressed her palms against the floor, trying to stand up, but she just collapsed again, making a sound of pain as she did.
Saïx was now standing right in front of her, gazing down at her coldly.
“Is there any last, useless resistance you would like to show me?†Saix asked, fingering the handle of his claymore almost nonchalantly. “No? Then I guess this is good-bye.â€
Riku, hearing those words, turned and shouted, “No, no, stop!â€
By the time he said that last word, it was too late.
Saïx had lowered his weapon onto her, and all that was left of Kairi was a splatter of blood, covering the ground like puddles.
“No…no…†Riku murmured, dropping to his knees. “This can’t be…Kairi…!â€
He felt a cold shiver pass through him, shock paralyzing his mind. His breathing was short and rapid, and his heart was beating hard.
All the memories of the times Kairi and him spent together flashed through his mind, and he clenched his fists, hate and anger beginning to fill his heart.
He stood up slowly, gripping his Keyblade tightly, and looked up at Saïx, glaring at him with intense hatred.
“You’re going to pay for this!†Riku shouted and charged at him, screaming a battle-like cry.
Before he could reach Saïx, however, a lance pierced his back, and then two others, pushing him to the floor, blood spurting out from his wounds.
He gave an agonized cry, half from the pain he was feeling, and the other half from the sadness he was suppressing at witnessing Kairi’s death.
“Kairi…Kairi…†he sobbed, as he struggled to stand up. “Saïx…I…I won’t let you get away with this…â€
There was a small clicking sound, and something was pressed against the back of Riku’s head.
“Don’t worry, you’ll join Kairi soon enough,†Xigbar remarked, grinning almost maliciously. “So…any last words?â€
He didn’t wait for the boy to answer and shot. A red beam of light flashed through Riku’s head, and he fell to the ground, blood streaming from it, his eyes beginning to glaze over.
Xigbar blew on the end of his snipers, as if it was a smoking gun, and remarked with a small chuckle, “Guess he didn’t have much to say.â€
He turned and shouted over to Sora, “Hey, dude, what do you have to say about this?â€
Sora turned, his eyes quickly taking in the scene, and he froze, as if stunned.
“R-Riku?†the boy said, his mouth becoming dry. “…Kairi?â€
He felt his skin grow cold, and his mind was flowing with all the times that the three had been together, just as Riku had done earlier.
“This…this can’t be,†Sora said, tears beginning to stream down his face. “No…no!â€
Sora’s hand that was gripping the Keyblade began to shake, and he raised it, rushing towards Xemnas.
“I’m going…I’m going to kill you!†he screamed. “What you did to Kairi and Riku…I could never forgive that!â€
He leaped up, ready to lower his Keyblade to slash at his neck, when Xemnas swiftly turned, a red aerial blade in hand, stabbing him in the stomach.
At the same time, a Keyblade pierced Sora’s chest, and he looked back to see Roxas.
“R…oxas…†Sora said in a strained voice, his expression, pained. “H…ow…c…ould…y…ou…â€
Roxas quickly released his Keyblade, his eyes wide with shock and fear. “No…no,†he said, shaking his head. “It…it was an accident…Axel was standing there…there were flames in front…and they just disappeared…and…and…â€
“It’s too late, Roxas,†Xemnas said, smiling complacently as Sora’s heart floated in the air and began to merge with the heart-shaped moon behind him. “You have just given us our last and final heart…the one that will complete our Kingdom Hearts.â€
The moon shined brightly, and a blinding light engulfed the entire area.
No… Roxas wanted to shout, but he couldn’t speak. No…this is all wrong! It’s all a mistake! This shouldn’t be…this can’t be…

9/10:very well writen and just long enough, it would be a ten but a little bit gory but the detail got you a high rating

eastercats entry:

Chapter 1: FINALLY!!!!

Another day has passed, another mission done. I was a taking a break in my room, wondering if the Organization was any closer to obtaining a heart from that giant heart-shaped moon. Suddenly, Demyx just busted through the door dragging a stumbling Roxas behind him. “Axel Axel Axel Axel Axel Axel Axel…†Demyx looked excited as he quickly said my name over and over. “Axel Axel Axel Axel Ax-“

“What is it, Demyx?†I stopped him before he could say my name one more time.

“It’s finally done!†Demyx eyes sparkled with joy.

I just gave back a blank look, since I had no idea what he was talking about.

Roxas saw my look and explained. “Kingdom Hearts. Superior said that Kingdom Hearts is finally complete to give us hearts. He wants us to gather at the Altar of Naught now.â€

“Well, let’s go then.†I used the power of Darkness to teleport to the Altar. Demyx and Roxas teleported behind me. Everyone else in the Organization was at the meeting place, all of them not showing as much excitement as Demyx, but satisfied that the Organization’s efforts have finally paid off. Kingdom Hearts glowed brightly in the dark sky of The World That Never Was.

Xemnas was standing before everyone, except for Xaldin and Saix who were standing behind him like loyal dogs. Xemnas began another rambling speech of his. “My friends. It is finally time. Kingdom Hearts is finally complete to give us hearts. We shall finally become whole where light and darkness can accept us. We will finally feel emotions, not just remember them. Due to our hard work of gathering hearts, Kingdom Hearts shall give us hearts or even more.†(Wow, I think I heard the word “finally†four times in that speech.) Xemnas turned to the giant moon and raised his arms. “Heed me, Kindom Hearts. We have waited and worked long to build you. Now we wish from you, our hearts.â€


Suddenly, Kingdom Hearts shined brighter and brighter. A little too bright really , for I shielded my eyes with an arm. Everyone else seemed calm as the growing light engulfed them, the only ones who actually blocked their eyes with me were Demyx and Roxas.

Now I couldn’t see anything around me, but light. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my chest. I clutched the pain with my hand as I felt something grow inside of me. A sudden flow of emotions, yes…EMOTIONS, flooded in to my head. I developed a headache. Pain in the body and a headache…..not a great combination. I closed my eyes and fell down due to the overwhelming pain. Suddenly, it all stopped. All the pain vaporized away. The only thing I felt was beneath my hand on my chest. I felt….a beating heart.
8/10: very nice detail and i like the fact thats its in 1st person its to short though as soon as you get into it it seems to be over


WINNER OF ROUND ONE IS Nymph of Destiny

 

I'm so glad you liked my entry! :glomp:

 

Could I be a judge too? *puppy eyes*

 

ummmmmmmmmmm wellll......sure why not

 

Okay... So when does the next part's come?

 

I guess until eastercat and I finish writing the next part! lol

 

and I hadn't even started my next part. xD