Traditional Art KH2 - akuroku doujinshi

anyone interested? there's no M rated stuff

cover: http://temni-chan.deviantart.com/art/KH2-doujinshi-cover-page-70533438 (will colour eventually)
Page 1: http://temni-chan.deviantart.com/art/KH2-Doujinshi-page-1-70579315

it works best if you download it, otherwise the text and details are a bit....small. Also, don't worry about finding the pages, each doujin page has a link to the next one, and previous! =)

edit: based on the 'what if axel had succeeded in taking back roxas' question

 

Dude.... I love it!!! I was wondering the same thing of Why couldn't Axel just drag Roxas back even if he didn't have his memories......

Anyways, I can't wait to see more. ^_^

 

afraid there will be no update for a week, I'll have no contact with a computer xD

 

Aw sux...I'd like to see more. It seem like a really gd start.

 

now I just have to make a decision as to whether to include all the dead members of organization 13 Dx cause that would take it out of context then....

 

I don't dig the whole Akuroku thing but those are not bad at all but is it just me or Roxas' head looks a little..odd but it's really nice though.

As for the cover,some coloring wouldn't hurt,it would look much better.

 

I love the drawings not so much for the Akuroku thing.

 

*for commenters*
If we like or don't like the akuroku thing doesn't matter, in any way - our suggestions for the drawings are more importaint in this thread. IMO.
*/end mini rant*

The way you draw Axel makes him seem very young - almost like Roxas' age. I'd say it's because of the eyes, they're big and more youthful compared to the slim and trixter like ones he really has. The shape of the head are also youth like, his would be more of a young adult. Which is also more slim and less round. So if you think about that for any next pages you can really create a contrast between Roxas and Axel, and Axel will look much more threatning. Which is good.

You've good some nice ideas with the panels, but it seems to me that you have skipped some parts to make the story whole. It seems kinda too sudden in my opinion, and maybe even harder to understand if you're not familliar with the original story already. If you haven't already, write down a script of how your story will go and adjust it to comic, something like this:

Chapter (if there's more than one)
Page 1
Panel 1 *dialogue, content*
Panel 2 *dialogue, content*
Panel 3 *dialogue content*
etc

Page 2
Panel etc

It will be much easier to plan out how you want the pages to be like, and how to create the gap on the last panels that will make the reader want to find out what happens next. For this page you have this gap, where Axel looks like he's about to become agressive unless Roxas obeys him. I have read in a book that each page will have something between 4-8 panels, and each manga chapter will have something around 15-30 pages.

If you feel like you want to continue, please do. This is very good practice if you want to work with comics one day.

 

I am making my own manga, I've been particularly careful with it, it currently only has 1 1/2 pages semi toned >.<;;

and guess what, I'm back! so regular updates again!

yeaaahhh... I do have difficulty drawing sharp pointy agro looking heads. at least he looks semi-cute though xD

 

The art is good and so is the story. I can't wait to read more.

 

well you're gonna get it! plus check out my deviantart page, I made bookmarks ^^ should I upload them?!

 

It's not bad, but Axel does look too young compared to how he looks in the game. His eyes are smaller and not as young looking. You seem to have the right idea for thier hair, but it would help to find a picture of them in the manga and follow along with the way Shiro Amano draws it. His head is also too young looking, it should be bigger and slimmer. You have a nice start on the comic, but the hair and faces need some work, especially Axel's again. I agree with Cocohints about planning and organizing your comic panels, it would help with the comic, and writing out a storyline before drawing the rest would be very helpful.

 

It's more like a fancomic than doujinshi. Doujinshi are fancomics that are sold for profit, and since that's illegal here in the United States, I'd be careful of what I call a fancomic. :/

Also, for critique, the anatomy is... really sloppy. They seem too bubbly and could have less depth.