I'm always getting angry at things, and my mom gets mad at me for that, so, apparently, I'm not allowed to get angry at anything. Additionally, she's even always asking, "Do you want to grow up being an angry person?" I get mad when our Internet has problems; she gets after me. I get mad when people make noise outside, like closing their car doors; she gets after at me. I get mad when people have their music blaring outside; she gets after at me. I get mad when people drive by with their music blaring or just a loud engine; she gets after me. I get mad when people are working outside (like pounding with a hammer); she gets after me. I get mad when I have to let our dog out because she's just been out 100 times; she gets after me. I get mad when road construction causes traffic flow disruption; she gets after me. I get mad when I don't win a game and make a really loud growl-like sound, curse really loud, stomp on the floor, pound on my glass desk, etc.; she gets after me. Whatever else. Some Prime Examples: Yesterday I wasn't able to take my normal route to take my mom to work because the first street I turn left on was closed. I call the people shitheads, and my mom gets after me. Later, on my way to get my mom for lunch, I can't turn left at a light where I normally turn left because that lane after turning is closed, and yet oncoming traffic's lane is open! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! Today we're going to McDonald's on the way to my mom's job so she can get a coffee. There are two ways to get to McDonald's: the back way and the main way. For the back way, you make a left at the end of our street and that's what she wanted me to go to avoid traffic, but I told her that traffic's never heavy in the morning, so I turn right. Half way through my turn, I see a "Traffic Revision Ahead" sign. The light's flashing because construction workers are directing traffic. Of course, like at the light yesterday, I can't make a left because the lane I would go into after turning is closed, and yet again, oncoming traffic's lane is open! (SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S THE SENSE IN THAT?) Even traffic that comes from my right can't go straight and has to turn left, then right down the back way toward McDonald's, right again and then left if they want to get to McDonald's, Subway, the interstates, etc. I get pissed off and back up to the yield lane to go right and then really gun it and go on my way; of course, this makes her angry with me. Of course now my mom's all worried because we might get a ticket in the mail for my maneuver and blah, blah, blah. It's not like they had time to write down my plate number. However, that's not the point. I realize I overreacted with gunning the engine there, no buts about it, but I can't get mad about anything -- whether it has to do with driving or not -- without my mom getting after me for it! She ends up giving me the whole "it's out of your control" lecture / argument.
maybe she just doesn't like the complaining. it can be VERY annoying having to listen to someone constantly complain about everything. maybe you don't have to complain or vent about every little thing that angers you.
Looks like your mum gets mad at people getting mad lol, tell her your hormones are beyond her control. XD Seriously though, although she' s not wrong when she says learning a little self-control wouldn' t hurt I would also add that : - If that laundry list of trivial stuff was all you have to get angry about I' d say you have a pretty happy life. - Releasing your anger, may it be by shouting or swearing, is not only totally okay in a relaxed setting but also cathartic. Beware of calm waters. The people who apparently keep their cool all the time no matter what just bottle everything inside, so when they do eventually snap (which is bound to happen sooner or later) they don' t half-ass it.
I'm one of those perfect examples, so remember to keep on my nice side XD. No, but seriously, I really am one of those that keeps calm most of the time and bottles it up. Maybe not the best way, but I do things to forget about the anger. And in Yut's case, I would say that you're not specifically allowed to get angry, but more so I'm sure your mom just doesn't want to hear anything. My mom always goes on about how I'm negative all the time, but she's not exactly a perfect example herself. I just get angry because there's so much stupidity going on in the world and I, as well as other people, have to deal with it. Now, you could probably do something to keep that anger in check, like counting, or something like that, but just try not to pull a stunt like what you did with the car again, because it will land you in hot water, and trust me when I say, you don't want that. My sister is a crap driver and she does stupid stuff like that; ended up doing a hit-and-run after destroying one of our neighbor's fences in Colorado, and just a little ways away she got in a car accident. She lost her car and her license. So if you're angry, just try to find a way to vent it and not get yourself in trouble. Usually a way I vent is just to breathe hard, which will more than likely get you dizzy, or just start swinging at something, if not just air. Yelling can help, but it can also annoy others, and some places you don't want that...unless you want a gun aimed at you. Maybe not the nicest thing to say, but it's happened plenty of times before.
Of course she can't control how you feel. She probably doesn't want to hear about it anymore. Find someone else to talk to or something.
I think you misread that. When I said that she gives me the whole it's out of my control lecture, she means that I can't do anything about someone blaring their music outside, for example.
I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like you have an actual anger problem. Do you really think it's not a problem when you get angry enough to get violent over a something as trivial as a video game? Before you do anything else, I'd suggest finding a professional to find out if that's really the case and, if it is, make time for an anger management class.
I'm pretty sure I don't have an anger an problem. Look at the things I'm getting mad over. Additionally, I only get like this around my mom. Everywhere else I'm fine.
I did. Most of them seem like things that a person in control of his or her anger wouldn't get mad about very easily. Hearing people closing their car doors makes you angry? Really? Do you expect them to just leave them open to avoid making noise that's not even loud enough for most people notice? Excuse me for going all Freudian on you, but that could mean that you have some past issue with her that you need to work out. Maybe you guys should go to counseling?
Well, it can be closed quietly without just pushing it to close it and letting it slam. I am not sure what Freudian means, but I should note we're not like this all the time. We argue just about every day, but we don't get angry at each other too often. I know she loves me; she knows I love her.
The things you've listed are complaints and annoyances, but nothing worth losing your cool over. Your mom is right that giving into this anger is poisonous, that it will turn you into an angry person. I'm not going as far as KS and suggesting anger management classes, but try looking up techniques. Things like calming breathing and finding an outlet besides getting huffy or cursing can work wonders. Also, with your traffic complaints... The work crew know what they're doing and are not intentionally trying to inconvenience you. Let them do their thing and don't assume you know better than them. Learn to roll with the punches.
Thank you, Cassie. I should note that in almost all those cases listed, the worst I actually do is make a growl-like sound, cuss, stomp or pound on something. The only places where I don't are rare, like revving away yesterday in the car. On the cussing, she doesn't mind if I say like, "Shit! I didn't beat X boss!" However, it's that I scream it at the top of my lungs that she minds. Yeah, though, I've been trying to build up some more tolerance lately. Like the other day someone wasn't going the speed limit in the city (25 MPH), and I gave a great sigh, which my mom says is a great way to release pressure / stress, but I stayed back. My mom says that following too close is really my only problem with driving right now. I don't tailgate, but I get too close, at least for her -- she's one of those that says if the law says follow two and half car lengths when going 25 MPH that I should double it to four and a half car lengths. So, for example, going 25 MPH, I may be following someone anywhere between one and a half car lengths to two car lengths behind them.
I wouldn't be surprised if this was also why she gets after you as often as you mention. Looking at the things you listed, this definitely seems like you're overreacting to them, and is very likely how she sees it too. Granted, I can't really speak for how far you take it (e.g. pound a pillow vs hitting the wall), but considering it sounds like you start off at a 9 or 10 (screaming, punching wall, that kind of stuff) rather than something more calm and controlled. Which is what Misty and KS are hitting on -- you have to learn to control your temper in these situations. Not only is it poisonous to yourself, but it can also be poisonous to your relationships (in the broad sense) with other people.
The worst I do when it comes to "hitting" is just bringing my hand down in a clenched position and slamming / pounding it on my glass desk. I mean, I'm not bad enough that I would actually damage property or anything, so yeah. For the growling, I'm not sure how to explain it, but you keep your mouth closed and just make an angry sound. You know what I'm trying to say? As for the screaming, it's this type of screaming, although I will vouch for myself and say I'm nowhere even near that bad. Additionally, if I don't win a game, I will scream something like "God damn it!" at the top of my lungs, as already mentioned. However, when I'm arguing with my mom and it escalates verbally, I yell, never scream (an easy way to distinguish the two is that screaming makes your voice sound somewhat crack-y -- kind of similar to how your voice gets during puberty). Anyway, video below contains some bad language, but it's bleeped out:
It's okay to get mad or frustrated and to express it, you just really need to fine tune the way you do it. I actually had similar anger issues when I was younger. It got better by the time I was 14 or 15, probably due in part to conquering puberty, but there was effort on my part too. When a situation arises that's upsetting/frustrating me, I know that I need to take a step back, calm down, then re-approach it later on. Like with video games--if you're getting frustrated to the point of getting physical or yelling, you're probably too invested in the game (and probably have been playing for a long time). The world is kinda messy and things won't go your way always, whether it's how someone is driving or how long it takes a boss to KO you. That's scary and hard to deal with sometimes, but like we've all said, you can learn to manage it and not have it result in such outbursts. It's a process but it's completely doable.
Getting frustrated about stuff is normal. However, getting overly angry all the time is kinda annoying to some people, ya know? Maybe your mom is fed up with it, if you've been doing it a lot, and doesn't want you to be an angry person when you grow up. I understand some of the stuff you get mad at are trivial and you get mad at that stuff. Everybody gets mad, but you gave us quite a list of things you get mad at. I'd honestly would try counting down when things get you really angry. Maybe try not to play the game that gets you angry? If it makes you hit your glass desk then you ought to not play it anymore or try to hit something else that will, eventually, shatter from the force. Like you said, it ain't much force, but things whittle down you know? In the end, your mom is just trying to make sure you stay positive in your life. If you're always going off on a random thing, that'll haunt you and eventually you'll injure yourself somehow. Pent up stress and anger can cause heart problems and I know you don't want that. Maybe try relaxing or playing a relaxing game sometime if you get angry. I know that stuff helps me.
