I'm kind of down at the moment.

I would have posted this in Spam but I want this to be taken seriously.

Last news my mother got about my grandfather wasn't so great.

He's back in hospice care.
He can't eat/swallow.
His legs and arms are starting to discolour.
His memory isn't that great either.

He had a stroke about 2 years ago around Easter and went first to the hospital where the doctors thought he wouldn't make it much longer. He was moved into hospice care until the 6 month cutoff. He's lasted two years in nursing care.

I've only seen him once since his stroke but I don't want to see him as a man slowly dieing in a nursing home bed. I'd rather remember him as he was and the times I had with him. Telling me stories of his time in the WWI and WWII and his life and when my dad was growing up. He taught me the value of a dollar and what it meant to work for a living. He taught me 'You can't do business off an empty wagon.' It seemed like such a stupid thing to say and I laughed at it.

He was good at that. Being able to make people laugh. They were corny sayings but he was saying them to make people laugh.

God I'm crying as I type this. Just remembering everything. I haven't cried like this since my sister got married.

You don't really know how you're going to feel until it happens. Yeah you know they're old but you don't expect them to go so suddenly. My grandfather seemed like he could fight anything, take anything on. But this...I guess it was a fight he couldn't win.

 

Yeah, these things happen, and it sometimes makes you feel useless because you can't do anything to help. Atleast that's how I felt. Even though he is gonna go someday, I know you want him just to be here alittle longer, and I hope you actually get that chance Laurence. Even if you don't want to see him in bed, go see him anyway, and cherish the moments that you MIGHT have left.

 

I'm sorry. I know this is hard. I went through something similar a couple of years ago.

I had a great-grandmother, who even though she was in her eighties, was full of life. She moved, acted, and laughed like she was in her thirties. Then, when I was in my teens, the diseases you hear people in their eighties get just sort of caught up with her almost all at once. She got Alzheimer's, as well as osteoporosis, arthritis, you name it, and she just eventually was confined to a chair. We'd visit her often, but she just didn't remember us and always seemed confused and sad to see us. She passed on a couple of years ago, and even though she was in a bit of pain, it's comforting to know that she's with God and watching over my family.

I know you didn't want to hear my little story, but be that as it may, if there's anything you need help with, please pm me. I can't guarentee I'll be any help, but at the very least, I'll listen and do anything I can. If not me, then I know there are plenty of people here on the forum who are more qualified and willing.

Please, try and hang in there. We'll be praying for you and your grandfather.

 

I know how you feel. 5 years ago my grandmother was put into Hospice. We would see her almost everyday and just sit there for hours by her bed. But when you realize that nothing you can do will magically make them healthy again, you can start accepting what will inevitably happen. Best thing to do is try and be brave around him and enjoy the time you have with him. Sadness over these kinds of things usually lasts a while, but eventually it'll fade away.

 

my grandfather died last fall in the hospital he called us here in germany a few days before he died
(he lives in america btw) i spoke to him but he sounded so odd
bah just the memories make me sad v.v
sorry but i have no idea what to do in these situations

 

I went through exactly what you're going through right now. When I was ten, I lost my grandmother from my father's side. She had been put in a nursing home three years earlier because she was forgetting things left and right due to Alzheimer's and couldn't take care of herself. She'd forget to eat, so they put in a feeding tube. Soon she just didn't feel like eating anymore. She looked like a skeleton. And she barely remembered us when we came to visit her. Two months before she passed, she had forgotten everyone.

It still hurts to try and remember that. Just visiting her every day and watching her wither away...sometimes I'd beg to let me stay home. I hated seeing her like that. And when you're 10, you know there isn't much you can do. You just feel so...helpless...I cried for weeks after her funeral even though I knew she wouldn't be suffering anymore.

Anyway, I know what you're going through. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always around. *hugs* I'm praying for the both of you.

 

Dude i'm so sorry.My great grandmother is in a hospice with Alzimers.You have to remember that If he dies just know he died in comfort and with dignity.Remember him as he was before the stroke.I think that a loved one would want that.I can't believe your opening up such a wound and part of your life on this forum.

 

I felt the same way about my great grandmother, I thought it would be better if I didnt see her in the hospital bed, unable to take care of herself. I wanted to remember her as the strong woman she was. but trust me, after theyre gone, your going to regret not being able to say goodbye. Its going to hurt, but you need to see him, get some closure IF he does pass away.

 

If you need someone I am here. I have been through similar. I nursed my father through leukemia until he lost his battle (my mother died before of a heart attack). It is hard to see someone so strong fade in front of you. It is important to say your goodbyes though. I know this is tough but it is impossible once they have passed on. Please think about this and remember there are a few of us here who can help and understand should you need us.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your granddad, and i know how it feels to know that he's no longer the same man you grew up, since my grandma was the same before she died, her memory got so bad that she believed her son who died 20 years ago was still alive.

I hope he gets better, but if fate is curl yet again, at least you can remember what he was like.

 

My Grandpa passed away two years ago. I wasn't very close to him, but my sister was. It was really hard for her. He went pretty fast, so there wasn't much time to hope he'd be okay, but still... It was hard. See him now, because it may be the last chance you get to. If he does pass on, try to remember him how he was at your favorite memories as him. It's a part of life. There's not much you can do about it.

 

I'm really sorry...I know how you feel too. My great-grandmother (whom I lived with) died of a heart attack. What was so depressing about it all was that she had had problems before and had to go the hospital. I had always counted on her coming back home to us in a few weeks. The doctors and the nurses kept talking about how she was improving. And we went to visit her after about a month in the hospital, and she was joking around still. She had always been the type to gossip, so a joke we made every time we went to see her was "We've got a lot of stuff to tell you about."
Anyways, about a week before they said she could go, she had another heart attack. There was a blood clot or something in her leg and they had to amputate it...A few weeks after that she actually died. After that, I felt incredibly numb inside. I had hidden my feelings about it for a while. Once I heard the news, I cried instantly. But after seeing her lying in that hospital bed, completely lifeless, like I said, I felt numb. It took a really long time to get over it.
Just surround yourself with people who care about you. And if you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to talk to me about it. =] I hope everything repairs itself for you.