turns out, my friend has been cutting herself. I'm so mad at her, I'm worried fro her, I want to scream beacause its making my head hurt. She's been like a sister to me for, what, 7-8 YEARS? She's called me a lot lately, saying things about her mom finding her "Johnny the Homocidal Maniac" gear under her bed. She's been wearing different clothes, copying the now popular goth/punk stylle. she scares me. She's called me at least three times, crying and upset, to tell me about her dad being mad at her.... But she loves him and he loves her, she always said he wasn't mad later and go back to her normal life. She's been picked on for years, and sadly I only helped that until I realized how wrong it was last year to tell her personal secrets and spread rumors. She loves me, and I her, we are as close as it comes to sisters. But she... I don't know. She has been messed up lately, and don't think I haven't noticed. And now this....I want to cry beacause I couldn't stop her. And now heer life at school will only be worse, she'll only be picked on more than ever and resort to this again. What should I do?!?!?! She'll be calling in an hour or so probably...I asked her to when I saw her today In the TEACHERS ROOM, WITH SCARS RUNNING ALL THE WAY AROUND HER ARMS.
Ok, first things first, calm down. The last thing your friend needs right now is for you to get hysterical and break down when she needs you. You have hurt her before and in the past you weren't a very good friend to her from the sounds of it, but you can be there for her now. What is going on between her and her father? Is it friction there that is causing her to get down? What is her relationship like with her mother? Her changing her clothing style etc is not uncommon for teenagers, they are learning about how to find their own style and it is a time of experimentation so I wouldn't be overly concerned about that. Self harming however is a different story. Either she is doing it for attention or because of some underlying issue, whatever the reason she needs to get help. Have you spoke to her about it?
Okay, first thing you're going to do: CALM DOWN; you're not going to be any good to anyone if you're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Second, this is more than any one person can handle; is there any kind of adult help you can get? Some kind of teen support center you can contact, or maybe a counselor?
First of all, you need to calm down, if she's self-harming, there is a self-harmers help site on the internet which accessible from anywhere, ask her to go on any self-harming help sites, or any help sites for that matter, they helped me a lot. Find out the soul-reason as to why she's self-harming, because I'm pretty sure that it isn't just being picked on, and if she's being picked on, then that is bullying, and you should tell any adult immediatley about that. That is all I can really think of to help you at the moment, unless you ask her for more information on it.
She's not on great terms with her mom, but adores her dad. Her dad is possibly one of the nicest people I know. I'm worried about what her mom will do when she finds out. Her mom, sister, and her all have to take pills for anxiety, klepticism (word?), etc. That's one of the things I've never told ANYONE about... The teachers at her school are trying to talk to her... Sadly I only found out today...
Hmm, it is possible then that there is some underlying mental issue that runs in her genes (no I am not saying your friend is crazy but it has been suggested that depression and other disorders can be genetic). Does her father know? If her and her father are so close then he might be able to get through to her. It is sad that her and her mother don't get along but it happens. Generally speaking if the school are aware of the problem they will have spoken to her family, I know that when my High School found out my younger sister was self harming they called my mom in. What she probably needs right now is someone to listen to her and not lecture her. I am tempted to ask you to tell her dad, I know that you don't want to tell her secrets, but when it comes to physical damage, I am reluctant to say keep it quiet in case it escalates.
Her dad knows that she's taking pills... I don't know about the cutting but he probably knows that too by now.... I'm almost afraid to talk to her, as if anything I say will only escalate the problem...I hope she calls soon so I can figure this out...
Don't be afraid to talk to her, I can understand your hesitation but she is going to need her friends to be there for her. When she phones, ask if you can talk face to face, it is easier to talk when you are in front of someone than it is over the phone plus you can tell a lot by a person's physical reactions. You say you saw scars on her arm, were they all healed? Or were some of them obviously more recent?
I would talk to her, I'm going to invite her to my language festival tomorrow... she likes japanese things... the problem being that I'm leaving to go on spring break vacation after the language festival, which isn't lots of time... and we don't go to the same school anymore, I switched this year. The scars seemed mostly healed, I was about 5 feet away with a peice of plexiglass between us, but nontheless.
Any time is still time and I am sure she will appreciate having someone listen. Let her know that you are there for her and that if she needs to talk that you will listen. Can she still phone you whilst you on spring break? I do think you need to tell someone else, anyone else, preferably an adult who can deal with the situation. Have you spoken to your own mom about it? She might be able to give you better advice since I assume she knows the girl herself? Hmm it is good that they mostly seemed healed, but there is always the risk she would do it again. Ok, talk to her tomorrow, see how she reacts and responds, and if you are still worried about her then tell your mom (and possibly the girl's dad).
THAT explains alot. No one should have to go through that kind of abuse. Completely unjust. Don't be mad at her for her personality. You SHOULD above all means be concerned. That's a give in, but don't be mad. Sounds to me she's having the gothic stage that most kids go through at their teen years. Pretty much 90% of them get out of it. Unfortunately, only the hardcore ones slit their wrists. I did it when I was younger, trust me. I saw no point in it. She'll eventually come around. Could take anywhere from months to years. I can understand why her father might not be the happiest about her sudden change, but that's only expected. She needs to come to terms with thee fact that she has a bit of a problem. Al I can REALLY suggest here, is to be there for her. She obviously likes you, so go be with her as much as you can. Give her alot of attention. Have her hang around other people that ARE NOT AS GOTHIC AS HER (yes, that will help). If she's truly your friend, then go comfort her in her time of need. I know it won't be for a long time, but just put as much effort as you can into it.
I just got off the phone, and I made her swear to stop. She told me her mom had a strict talk, but no one was freaking out. I'll be able to handle it now. She and I are gonna talk tomorrow and work it all out. Thanks for the help, 'specially CtR. I'll keep 'yall in the know :3
I think that this may be very probable. I have a cousin who cuts herself because of depression. If her parents don't know, then take it from me, tell them! My cousin came to me for help and told me that she was cutting herself. so I gave her some advice and thought it would be all good. she said that her parents knew, but it turns out they didn't. The next day, she was rushed to the hospital for cutting herself again. It was a cry for help, but I didn't see it. She ok, now, but I feel guilty for not telling her parents. So tell her parents, or better yet, her dad! You will have to be brave, but it is for the best.
