How to survive in the anime world

Hey there. Somehow got yourslef in possesion of a notebook of death?
Obtained a semi-giant robot that can fuse with other shiz?
Went to the next level of SUper Sayain?

Well it seems you have gotten yourself into an "anime world scenario". But how exactly do you plan on getting through 50 episodes of flying in space with a GUNDAM? Well remember these tips and your BOUND! to make it out with only a broken leg.

The more ******ed a plan is, the more likely it is to work. (ex. Naruto)
If a plan is talked about beforehand, it will never work.
In the event that a plan is talked about beforehand, the entire plan will be scrapped moments before it is put into motion and will be replaced by an improvisational plan that always works no matter what.
In cooperation with the first law, the antagonist always has a genius plan that fails.
When a character gains the possession of a giant robot, they immediately know how to control it without prior training. (ex. Evangelion)
The longer the series continues, the stronger enemies get exponentially. (ex. Dragonball Z)
Villains either are butt-ugly monsters or gay dudes. Certain exceptions are an amalgamation of both. (esp. InuYasha)
The bad guy has fan girls. Unless Especially if he's a transvestite.
The main character is small and wimpy-looking, only to hold a tremendous secret power usually explained to him by a wise old person. (ex. Dragonball Z except this applies to the Villains )
The quicker someone dies off, the more likely they are not really dead. (ex. Bleach)
Getting stabbed multiple times only kills you if you are unimportant. Remember that, Kazuya.
Additionally, unimportant characters NEVER get into fights. If they do, they are beaten easily.
When a character performs an attack, they MUST yell out it's name, therefore giving their opponent the obvious advantage of knowing what they're going to do, but never doing what they can do to prevent or counter it. If they don't yell out the name, it doesn't count because that's cheating.
This was first used in popular anime The Bible, in which main character (who, of course has a mysterious power that he cannot control) God, unleashes his signiature move 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!!!'
Unless the move is **** or improvised, eg. suddenly punching the character so hard in the balls that 30 youtube movies were made into it
The louder said character shouts the name of an attack, the more powerful that attack will be. (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
No matter how long the preparation to an attack, and no matter how many spangly things are created, the preparation cannot be interrupted before it is complete. The attack is permitted to miss however. (ex. Sailor Moon)
If this is due to some unwritten warriors code, or just stupidity, is yet to be determined.
The magical tools necessary to kill someone are commonplace. (ex. Death Note)
Internal monologues and/or long emotional conversations may never be interrupted, even if they take place in the middle of world-deciding battles.
When in doubt, scream loudly and sacrifice yourself to have no effect on the enemy.(ex. Dragon Ball Z)
If the main character has something everyone else has, the main character's is much more powerful and useful. (ex. Digimon)
The antagonist dismisses the main character(s) as a minor annoyance, but never suspect them to have superpowers and might even go so far as to pass up the opportunity to kill or maim him/her on several occasions.
There are samurai and ninjas. At least one of each. Or else.
There will always be a point at which the protagonist is shot down by a bullet, missile, or, in the case of the End of Evangelion, gigantic naked lady that wants to merge with the world. At this point, peaceful Latin music will play for many minutes as the protagonist (or his robot, in the case of Neon Genesis Evangelion and the Gundam series,) falls to the ground in slow motion.
If a male character has pink hair, he is either homosexual or bisexual. This does not apply to the protagonist, unless it is a yaoi. No other hair colors apply.
If a character's hair is hiding some disfiguring mark, laser beam, etc, no amount of force will move that characters hair until permitted. (ex. Descendants of Darkness)
You may not start owning the bad guy until the cool music starts (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
The more an enemy brags about easily owning the hero, the easier that enemy will be defeated.
Before the final showdown between the protagonist and the antagonist, they stare at each other for at least 30+ minutes and review how they got where they are and what they are about to do (in case you missed the entire season). Meanwhile, the other minor characters stand patiently off to the side commenting on the two characters that we actually give a damn about.
The main character has some outrageously powerful ability that no one else has, but is unable to control it.
No matter how powerful an enemy is, the protagonist simply powers up using emotional memories until he is able to defeat him.
The protagonist is allowed to teleport large distances in order to save secondary characters from giant ****ing monsters. (ex. Bleach, Inuyasha)
This is also applied to all and any other character (possibly the antagonist as well) that may be in the scene.
If anyone dies or vanishes because of the protagonist, he/she will go into a state of depression which will make him/her the weakest character in the show and absolutely useless. (ex. Bleach)
The protagonist is able to show physical characteristics of exhaustion and wounds, but is not affected by them. In fact, the power of the protagonist rises as he becomes more exhausted. (ex. Bleach, YuYu Hakusho)
Bandages seem to heal everything, no matter how deep the wound, except if they lose a limb which is soon to be reattached, replaced or healed by a side character (none of the protagonist ever have uber healing powers)
However, as an equal and opposite reaction to this, when you are attacked you always bleed from the mouth. Punched in the stomach? Blood from the mouth. Stabbed in the shoulder? Blood from the mouth. (eg. Naruto, especially Bleach
There is too be no attacking a villain while completely vulnerable while He is in the middle transforming from a weaker from into a much more powerful form. The protagonists must simply stand and watch the Villain's Transformation take place, and Visa Versa. (ex. Dragonball Z )
Antagonists that seem too cool to be villians, survive a huge mother****ing attack by the main character or is defeated by the main character and the main character seems to have something more important to do than finish off the guy that has left him with a huge ****ing gash or mortal wound (which is soon to be heal by bandages or what not), seems to join sides with the main character or the main character joins the antagonist's side which ends up being the good side (through several confusing plots and random chains of events). (ex. Bleach, Dragon Ball Z)
Both main characters posesse equal intellegence. One will think of a genius plan and do his best to keep the genius plan a secret only to have the other character think of the plan several seconds, minutes, or an hour later thus making the plan useless. (ex. Death Note)
When it comes to an antagonist group, each member must have a certain unquie, bizzare, or just plain disgusting quality that sets them apart from the other members. They also must wear the same matching outfit, should paint their fingernails a different color, and wear a ring on a different finger each no matter how girly it makes them look. It shouldn't matter though because each member will gain a large number of fangirls no matter how creepy they look. Oh and weird hair and strangley colored eyes also help too. (ex. Naruto)
Both the protagonist and antagonist can wield incredibly large and heavy looking weapons despite posessing no muscle mass whatsoever. (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
Characters will ignore more powerful weapons dropped by the enemy if thier current weapon defeated said enemy
Revenge always is intended by main character (or side character that has a crap load of screen time), but is held back by friends, no matter how just the scenario may be, by which point the main character will become a completely depressed emo homosexual. The revenge plans end up failing for a reason, (if commenced against friends' wills), too gay to even explain in the plot line properly, (ex. Trigun).
Characters with increasingly original and/or cool looking hair have a higher importance within the plot and often have a greater probability of defeating apponents. Characters with generic, platitudinous or ****** hairstyles are promptly maimed and thrown into ditches.

 

LMFAO SO TRUE OH SO TRUE! I only skimmed so im not sure if u forgot this one but: the hero/antagonist will always fight for their friends, even if their friends hate them.
And if the hero dies...they will ALWAYS come back with a will to protect their friends...(naruto, bleach, one piece, etc, etc, etc!)

This is why death note, samurai champloo, tMoHS are one of my favorite animes...they doesnt really follow the rules

 

quoted for truth

 

tl;dr
=/

 

This thread should be turned into a book/manual.