Gather round, Whovians. 'Tis Story Time.

(Series Five spoilers all up in this post.)

I knew from the moment our eyes met that she was the one for me. It may not have been this me who saw her, but it was me all the same. Her beautiful, ginger hair caught the florescent lights of the room perfectly. If only her soft, warm hands could have caressed my cold, stone-like skin I might have changed from this wretched thing into something real. But alas, I could not speak with her. By nature, my kind are very shy. We freeze up if another creature so much as looks at us. One look and it's as though we never were. And then we're back instants later. Usually. You get used to it after a long while, manage to get your thoughts in sync, but it makes you really wonder what kind of trauma the first of us endured to make all their descendants this way. It scares all of us. What if it comes back? I'm getting off track.

As I stared into her eyes, and she stared into mine, never blinking, I wanted to scream. Well, I couldn't even want to scream, really. My mind just went blank from her relentless, unblinking stare. After what seemed like years, and it may very well have been, she began shouting for that man. The man who would steal her away from me. And then it happened. She turned me off. What a rude thing to do. They rushed in. I never really saw her again. But I always wanted her. I was in her mind now. So long as she could picture my face in her mind's eye, I would be there. I even gave her a timer. We would meet again when the countdown reached zero. Then I found a way to communicate. And that's when he gave me a name. And made me say the word "comfy." I didn't know my kind could be embarrassed. And he ruined my timer too. He even asked me about it. Embarrassed as I was, I lied. I said it amused me.

When the cracks came, the rest of my kind fled, but I stayed because deep down I knew I could save her. And he stole that too. He saved her. I was supposed to save her. I was the one who decided to be her guardian Angel, not him. I hate him now. I've hated everything in the universe ever since I was born, but I hate him the most now. My name is Bob, I am in love with a human named Amy Pond, and I want the Doctor dead for stealing her away from me.



Have I crossed the crackfic line yet? I really don't think anyone has ever even thought of this ship before.